Chicks On Lit discussion

I've heard we all hate defense lawyers until we need one.
Sounds about right.

Do you ever feel like you're in the Twilight Zone? My neighbors have cut all the limbs off their 70-foot pine trees, leaving the trunks standing. One trunk is a foot off my property line. The trunk is dead, shedding its bark, and every time it storms, I fear it's going to fall and hit my house. I've tried to find a similar situation on the Internet and failed. My neighbors seem to be uniquely crazy. Have any of you ever heard of such a thing, and what would you do if you were me?

Scout wrote: "Do you ever feel like you're in the Twilight Zone? My neighbors have cut all the limbs off their 70-foot pine trees, leaving the trunks standing. One trunk is a foot off my property line. The tr..."

Are they preparing to take the whole tree(s) down? Sounds like the trees were diseased, in which case the limbs come down first. I would call your local extension office and talk to a Master Gardener who might have an answer - or at least they can recommend a good Arborist to talk to. Have you spoken directly to your neighbors?

Jcamato, thanks for your suggestions:)

What differentiates a Young Adult novel from just a plain old novel?
Normally I discard young adult novel based on the fact that I was born in 1963. I don't figure I qualify to be reading that.
I have a sense that Young Adult novel would be missing- like they're and abridgment or an edited version.
I just read Shiver a couple of months ago and the lead characters have sex with each other and there is violence in the book.
So other than the lead characters are in high school, what makes this a young adult novel?

I'm just afraid if I get caught with a Young Adult novel- somebody is going to card me and say "Lady really? seriously?" or "Get back in the adult section you pervert!"

It sounds like there are a chunk of books I could be missing out on. So how does one differentiate?

Irene: Re young adult books, I'm not sure how you tell which ones will be good and which ones are immature kid stuff. But Carl Hiaasen is one of my favorite authors, and he has written, I think, 3 young adult books and I loved them all. For him alone I can say that his young adult books have middle-school kids as the main characters and there's very little, if any, sex. Try them: Hoot, Flush. I can't remember the other one. Maybe there isn't a third one, I just can't remember.

Barbara and Irene: The third book is Scat. I've only read Hiaasen's adult books but I know a lot of teens/kids have enjoyed these books. Try them and enjoy!

Irene wrote: "What differentiates a Young Adult novel from just a plain old novel?
Normally I discard young adult novel based on the fact that I was born in 1963. I don't figure I qualify to be reading that.
..."

In my oponion the biggest difference is the age of the character. I am 20 and am caught in between young adult novels and regular ones. I enjoy both, but I do consider the young adult novels as a bit of a "lighter" read. There is not as much sexual tension in characters and if there is its not as well developed.

I don't think there is any shame in an adult women reading young adult lit. It can be a fun read and often very insightful especially since the main characters are growing up in the books (hopefully) and teens and twenty-somethings always have something about responsibility to learn.

Younger people, as well as twenty-something authors, bring a fresh perspective and have a lot of interesting things to say. When we listen to them, they're often very smart and insightful. OK, that sounds a little condescending, but I mean it in a good way. I've been reading some younger authors (Totally Killer, for example, can't remember the author) whose books have been very different and very good.

Irene wrote: "What differentiates a Young Adult novel from just a plain old novel?
Normally I discard young adult novel based on the fact that I was born in 1963. I don't figure I qualify to be reading that.
..."

A YA book is determined by the age of the protagonist in the book. That's it, no secrets, just the age. There are TONS of GREAT YA books and YA authors out there today. And there may be quite a few YA books that you have read and did not know you were reading YA. The Hunger Games, for example is a YA book, along with all the Twilight books. Shiver and her sequel Lingerare both great YA books. Try reading some of Laurie Halse Anderson, Ellen Hopkins, Gordan Korman, Carrie Jones, MT Anderson, Jay Asher, Carolyn Mackler, Rachael Vail, I could go on and on. I love reading YA, as well as adult literature, but some of the best recently have been YA. Don't give up on it!! One of my all time favorites, The Book Thief, is considered a YA book, too.

I will not intentionally read YA because I'm not interested in reading books where teens are the protagonist. Why is that not considered valid by YA defenders?

Elizabeth (Alaska) wrote: "I will not intentionally read YA because I'm not interested in reading books where teens are the protagonist. Why is that not considered valid by YA defenders?"

That's a completely valid point! I don't read vampire books because I don't like to read about vampires. Everyone has their own taste in what they like to read. I just wanted to answer the question that was asked, (what makes a YA book a YA book), and mention a few of the great ones for anyone interested in checking them out. To each their own, though!

So it's just the age of the protagonist. I can deal with that.
I thought Young Adult was more like G-rated.- No sex, no violence, no religion or politics...
Ideally yes, all protagonists would be someone I can easily identify with but they're not teenagers in the books I choose they are usually young ADULTS- people less than thirty years old.
I went through a Star Trek phase where I read every Star Trek book in sight and then I progressed to murder mysteries. I quickly discovered Sue Grafton.

I fell in love with the first-person female voice. At that time I was about 26 or 27 and I think Kinsey Milhone was 28 or 29. Twenty years later, I'm 47 and I think Kinsey is like 32. I left Kinsey about five years ago. I dumped her for Sookie Stackhouse. I don't know if it ever says her age in the books but I'd guess she's about twenty-five. I think Anita Blake says she's thirty. My latest girl Merit is 27.

Young Adult Lit - after last school year, I have a completely new perspective on what this entails. I participated in a book group in which most of the participants were school district librarians. They were reviewing some titles that had been nominated for an award. I can tell you, I really enjoyed some of them and found myself wondering, "Did these types of books exist when I was in high school? Because I was a book worm and do NOT remember any 'normal' books that discussed things like Chile and the overthrow of Pinochet (Gringolandia) or such detailed writing about at-risk kids & their daily troubles (Tales of the Madman Underground: An Historical Romance 1973)."

There was even a book we were supposed to read that I didn't, because I don't like reading about vampires either, Heather, and this one was about monsters & grave robbers & I don't know what else because I quit reading! Ugh! Anyway, I also fell in love with The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate. So. I got a ton out of this group and will definitely join again this year, assuming it's offered.

When I was in High School, I don't remember a young adult category. I read either Sci-Fi Arthur C. Clarke Isaac Asimov Robert Heinlein
or Harlequin Romances

I think YA is more than just the age of the protagonist. There are older books written for adults that are now considered YA only because a young person might find them interesting.

I totally agree withe Brenda. Read whatever you want to read.

I agree Brenda! Read whatever makes you happy!! I have really enjoyed Sarah Dessen books and these are considered young adult. I think it's whatever I'm in the mood for!

Here's a thought. I taught my son to be kind. When he went to school, he had no defenses against the mean kids. I did the right thing - and yet, it seems, the wrong thing.

Scout wrote: "Here's a thought. I taught my son to be kind. When he went to school, he had no defenses against the mean kids. I did the right thing - and yet, it seems, the wrong thing."

I have done the same thing with my 4 kids (#3 is currently in kindergarten). The rule in our house is that we never put people down, we ALWAYS lift them up. When my oldest son was in kindergarten, I would cringe when I saw him with his peers and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt because he always seemed like a deer in the headlights and I felt like he didn't have the skills to stand up for himself when it was called for. There were many times when he cried in kindergarten and first grade because he felt very overwhelmed. However, now that he is in 5th grade and my daughter is in 3rd grade, and they have been introduced to many other kids throughout the school, I know I did the right thing. I truly feel that I equipped them with the skills to surround themselves with other people who are also polite, considerate and kind. I love the group of friends that they both have. In fact, the consistent feedback that I get from the teachers and the parents of their peers, is that they are the kind of kids that others just want to be around because they are always positive and make the people around them feel good about themselves. My younger son is in kindergarten right now, so I am reminded that it is very hard to watch them go out into a world that is not always kind and considerate. Hang in there, it gets better. Just keep in mind that you have a child that is setting a positive example for the other kids, and that he will make you prouder and prouder as he gets older. No matter how you feel right now, you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing!
Also, about the trees...We had some Spruce trees that were diseased. We took down the dead branches just before 4th of July for fear of fire, but left the trunks standing because we didn't have time to deal with getting estimates because we were traveling a lot. A month later, we hired someone to take the trunks down and grind up the stumps. Once this heat on the West coast passes, we will be replanting (redwoods instead of spruce). Maybe your nieghbors are on a similar schedule (or maybe they are saving up the money to have someone come out to remove them?). I hope that your eyesore is removed soon though!

Thanks for your reply, Erin. Raising children is such a complex and challenging job. I can't imagine having four!

My neighbor, after letting the tall stumps stand for a year, cut them down to around 30 feet - still unsightly, but no longer dangerous. Something to be thankful for.

Scout and Erin - from a teacher's perspective as well as a parent - I would take your kids in my class in a heartbeat. As Erin mentioned, they may have struggled in the beginning but they will grow into themselves and be much more appreciated by their peers in the long run. And by peers I am also thinking their adult friends and co-workers - when they get that far!

Re the tree - I didn't think so much about your post way back until recently. My dear mother-in-law had a diseased pine that was a foot or so into the neighbor's yard, which hadn't been determined until recently. While legally on their property, there had been more than one owner over the years and my father-in-law had taken responsibility for keeping it trimmed. When it was obvious it wasn't going to make it, they checking into who's it really was. Turns out to her surprise that my in-law's were MORE responsible because they had assumed its care over the years. Go figure. My father-in-law however had passed away, Mom is 80 yrs old, on a fixed income and its removal was VERY expensive. So she has had to do it in stages in order to afford the cost. Just another perspective.

Nancy, when I began researching the legal aspects of property lines and trees, I found that it's a very complex subject. So sorry to hear about the expense for your mother-in-law.

Amazing isn't it! We certainly had no idea. The property boundaries had never been determined until recently. I don't know why my father-in-law had assumed the care when it was outside his lines. I am guessing because too many different people had lived in the house next door and ultimately didn't care. Then when we found out that even though it was on the neighbor's property, my in-laws were going to be held responsible. It was sad to me because here is an 80 yr old widow living alone on social security versus a college professor and his wife who definitely could have better afforded it. If they had complained and then offered to pay half it would have been nice.

Unfortunately, some neighbors aren't nice - or even reasonable. Ever since my back-door neighbors moved in 8 years ago, they've acted as if they were feudal lords, and the neighborhood their feifdom. We've thought about forming a mob and showing up at their door with lighted torches and demands of equality:)

On the other hand, my next-door neighbors are wonderful, and we've become great friends. It's just the luck of the draw when it comes to who moves in next to you.

Neighbors... (zips lips shut & tosses the key) I've had all kinds and still do!

Can you be happy when your children are unhappy?

Scout wrote: "Can you be happy when your children are unhappy?"

How old are said Children?
I believe all you can do for your children is guide them and offer as much support as possible - Sadly the rest is up to them.
x

Scout wrote: "Can you be happy when your children are unhappy?"

It's very hard for me to be happy when my children are unhappy. I want to 'fix it' for them. The older they get the harder it is to fix things in their lives though! It was so much easier when they were younger!!

I think it is difficult to be happy if you are dependent on another to make you so. Happiness comes from within. Am I always happy? No. But as I get older I am happy more often and for longer stretches.

Scout, I'm sending (((hugs))) to you because I feel how torn you are in that question and I'm sorry for whatever is happening with you and/or them. I don't feel you should regret happiness or feel guilty for feeling it (unless of course it's come @ their expense, that's entirely different). You do the best you can for yourself and for them but depending on their age & where they are in their lives, their happiness has to come from their actions, there isn't much you can do for them in that respect if they're older. I know it must be upsetting to see them unhappy though regardless. I've let my mothers unhappiness greatly affect my life and that affect has been negative and it's taking me a lot to turn that around but I'm happy and don't want anyone to ruin that for me anymore. (And yes, she's still unhappy & only she can change that - it still upsets me @ times but I've had to let go of my desires for her to be happy & what happens, happens).

Thanks, all for your replies, and especially to you, Jo. I'm glad you've worked out how to be happy despite your mother's unhappiness.

With my son, who's 22, there's always that phantom umbilical cord that I can't sever. Maybe it's because I raised him by myself, I made mistakes, and there's no one else in his life that he can depend on. His dad cut him loose long ago, and if I were to do the same, I imagine that he'd be like an astronaut whose life line was severed. I have a friend who encourages me to let go. Well, it's easy for her to say that because her husband takes up the slack and deals with their grown kids' problems.

Any other single moms out there who get advice from people who have no idea what it means to raise a child alone?

I feel you Scout. I raised my two boys alone and we are very close. I doubt I will ever be able to sever the ties so to speak. My boys are 28 and 25.

The ties are never severed, but allowing them to stand on their own is not severing the ties. You do have to let them go in that way.

You're welcome Scout! I hope you find peace with your changing role as a parent in 2011 as well as having a Blessed & healthy new year!

Oh, Jo, thanks! Peace to you.

You're welcome! :-)

How are things going with your mom?

Good for the moment! :-) Thanks for asking!