Fans of Interracial Romance discussion

Hi All,

By far BW and WM novels are the most popular pairing in IR fiction. It's hard as heck to get pubs to look at any other pairing most times, especially if the heroine isn't black.

So why do you think this pairing is so extremely popular in books?

I guess the simple answer is that it's so in demand and there is an audience for it. But why do you think this pairing above others is so popular? Do you think it's because most of its audience is black women readers? I find that a lot of IR readers don't like to read anything but BW and WM romances and it's interesting to me.

Why do you think it's so popular? Believe me writers are writing a lot of different IR pairings in romances but most pubs won't touch any IR other than BW and WM. It fascinates me and I just wonder what makes it stand out among audiences.

Best Wishes!

http://www.stacy-deanne.net

I never really thought about it, but that is a very good question! I am honestly trying to think about and I have no idea.

I think there is an economic motive. Perhaps they perceive the audience for BWWM to be larger. That doesn't mean it's the case, though.

A very good question. Maybe because this match is considered rare and still thought of as something which that doesn't happen that often in today's reality.

I'm thinking maybe some of those publishers did try other pairings but didn't as much of a demand for those. Since BW mostly buy specifically stated IR books, those would be the ones to sell tons. That and considering Genesis Press and the like feature MC romances which are mostly read by women (and BW at that) they seem to know what their target audience is and continue to keep serving them. Publishing seems to be a very risk adverse business so anything out of the ordinary that is new and different really freaks them out.

I agree with all the points here!

Rae, I know for a fact that what you said is a big reason. I know several IR authors who've written white women and black men books and other pairings that pubs just didn't want. I knew a woman who was trying to place her Asian man/black woman book for a long time then she ditched it and started writing something else. I told her not to give up on finding a home for it but I see why she would. A friend of mine subbed an AA romance to an epublisher. They loved the book but told her to change the man to white. She didn't want to so they didn't offer a contract. I told her that in epublishing, it's hard to place AA books and the IR publishers want black women and white men books period.

Do you guys think that black women (who are primarily the readers of IR books) are reluctant to read other pairings? I don't think many black women care for the black man/white woman pairing in books or movies. At least not the ones I've seen. They turn their nose up.

Once again it goes down to the audience as Rae pointed out. I have found many black women who love IR but are not willing to read anything other black women and white men books. They won't touch other pairings so I guess pubs realize this. Can't blame the pubs I guess. After all they wanna make money.

I think that the publishing company need to open their eyes and realize that black women aren't just pairing with white men. I write bwwm stories and read them, but I'm not just limited to bwwm stories. I read other pairing as well, as long as the story is a catcher to me. Hopefully next year, I will be starting my uniform challenge story about a black woman/Asian man.

I'm one of those readers who want to see and actively seek out other pairings outside of BW/WM. I'm especially fond of BW/AM pairings. And just because one publishing company said no isn't an excuse to not submit somewhere else, or yes, even self-publish. Readers will buy it if an author believes in the book and sells it.

Statistically speaking, when black women date outside their race, it's with a white man, so that could explain why that pairing is so popular with black women right now. As the net gets cast wider in real life, more books with other pairings will come about, I'm sure. From time to time I've seen people interested in Asian and Native American pairings, and there are books out there like that, but very few.

Stacy-Deanne wrote: "I knew a woman who was trying to place her Asian man/black woman book for a long time then she ditched it and started writing something else. I told her not to give up on finding a home for it but I see why she would. A friend of mine subbed an AA romance to an epublisher. They loved the book but told her to change the man to white. She didn't want to so they didn't offer a contract."

I do hope she doesn't give up on that AM/BW story. There are definitely some readership out there eager for more stories with this pairing (myself included).

That's an interesting shift regarding AA romance in epublishing. It's probably because of the numbers and sales again and also what Delaney mentioned about the statistics in RL pairings, but I do find it interesting because not too long ago, only AA romances were accepted in publishing and IR was never heard of or acknowledged. Now the focus seems to be on IR to be published. It's an interesting shift seeing the overall course of the publishing industry, especially with the arrival of digital first.

This reminded me of yesterday when I finally caught an episode of The Mis-Adventures of Awkward Black Girl (a web series) and I checked out The Date episode. The MC was dating a WM who I guess had showed interest in her in prior episodes (from what I gather, I haven't seen them yet) and after being seen in an almost kiss by one of her co-workers, she started showing interest in the co-worker. The YT comments seemed very interested in her pursuing the IR relationship. As Mr. Spock would say, "Fascinating". :-)

Delaney wrote: "Statistically speaking, when black women date outside their race, it's with a white man, so that could explain why that pairing is so popular with black women right now. As the net gets cast wider ..."

That's my thought as well. But this is a really great question....

then I wonder why is it that statistically the numbers fall that way?

Great topic...
I think we date who we are around the most, if you're in a community with a lot of Asian men it is bound to happen a bit more. In Northern California I'm seeing more bw/am couples.
I'm working on two stories right now and one of them is a bw/ am pairing the male is Korean. As of right now, I'm planning to self publish the paranormal wm/bf/wm and will submit the other to epublishers. I'll let you guys know how that's going.

Isn't a known fact that black women are climbing up the economic ladder seven times faster than black men? More educated, more successful etc...

It's very likely that the majority of BLACK readers are going to be women. Not men.

Stacy-Deanne didn't you make a post on black women being "undesirable"? That would likely imply black women don't want to read BM/WM books because of it enforcing this 'undesirable' notion.

They want to read something they can relate to...Which is a black female.

I'm an Eastern European Jew, and honestly I really wish that I could discover more books written with Asian Male/White Female pairings, (Or more ideally Jewish female/Asian Male) I hope that this isn't offensive, but its a tiny bit annoying that whenever I check IR fiction, it's all I see. Believe it or not, I am positive that there are many European/European-American women who also might desire pairings with white female as the lead. I hope nothing in the post is offensive.

Aurora, thanks for your input. You haven't said anything that would be taken as offensive. I think there should be a wide variety of IR pairings. Variety makes life interesting.


I honestly think that BWWM pairings help black women to realize they do have dating options that might not have occurred to them, depending on their worldview and their community/sub-culture.

Hi Aurora, no offense at all. I hope you can find books with Asian male/white female pairing.

There should be a lot of interracial books with different race pairing.

My whimsical idea or answer is that it is the "extremeness" of them. Figuratively speaking, the WM - is at the "top" and the BW is at the "bottom" they are the extreme - and that extreme offers hope to our ideas of one day being together as ONE. As little hope as that may be, but hope still the same. She... the bw has seen all, been through all... yes, in some cases HELL - and SHE is not supposed to be attractive to him - this man, at the top. But she is... over and over again. He represents, poetically speaking, the sky... and she, the soil - that produces beautiful results of coming together. THEY are a catalyst for a dramatic passion that [ I ] don't personally feel with others. While yes there are black women who are attracted to Asian and Spanish men... in truth... they are truly of the same kind... and is not as interracial a blend as a white man and a black woman.

I was married 21 years to a Mexican/Spanish - his mother was part Spanish, his father Mexican. There was no BIG cultural difference in us. The problems that came up between us weren't cultural - they were normal between a man and a woman. We were for all intents and purposes the same. Because there was no stretch between us to relate.

Asians... are the first up from black, no matter how they deny it - refute it. I see Asian, Spanish, Indian... as a different form of black. There is no extreme there - no matter how much they - Asian and Indian try to say there is.

Anyway... it is the extreme from top to bottom, left to right, north and south .... thus... black and ... white... that evokes the highest sense of drama and passion... they elicit an unmatchable catalyst. However - having said that, I can see where Asian and Indian and Mexican males can cause a similar effect if written RIGHT. The story has to really be creative and electrify. I have two, and can't feel that somethin' somethin' I get from reading, bm/wm stories... although to be fair, there are some of those I haven't finished either because the stories fall into ridiculous and I'm done reading it, finished or not.

Anyway... that's my thought on it.

It's the dynamics of the pairing that stirs the reader. In some cases, there are some black readers who don't even wish to entertain that the "White" male lead be mixed with black... I was told, this threw off the whole black/white - TRUE interracial mix... if he had some black in him, even though he doesn't LOOK black... they still didn't want him with BLACK in him.

How's about that one? That threw me...

Thus - the reason Asian... Spanish... Indian... will never be as big a draw as the black-woman & white male integration.

I think you have a point Mercedes. There's something very romantic about extremes. The lord of the manor who falls madly in love with the chambermaid, despite the unlikeliness of such a pairing in actuality, it's very romantic. The man who will say "Damn the torpedoes, this is the woman I love."

I love this thread. I'd also add that in real life, the numbers of bw dating and marrying wm are way up. And many of these women are readers. I know that's how I came to start reading IR romance myself. So I think it's a reflection of our society.

I, too, am really frustrated about the lack of Asian heroes in IR, and I'd advise the author that couldn't place her novel to just publish it herself. It's already written, and obviously there's some interest out there, even if the epubs don't see it.

Aurora wrote: "I'm an Eastern European Jew, and honestly I really wish that I could discover more books written with Asian Male/White Female pairings, (Or more ideally Jewish female/Asian Male) I hope that this i..."

Aurora,

I live in London so my experience with race/cultural has broadened emmensely in the last five years. Here no one even bats an eye at my black husband or mixed race daughter. In fact, mixed race outnumber both white and black children in this area of London at least.

And ladies, the black women over here long ago branched out into white men...and asain men (except that over here asian means more than oriental...also middle eastern).

But Aurora, the type of pairings that you suggest Jewish and Asian are rare even here. Primarily because of religion/cluture play such as strong role that the women in particular would never go against their family. And for good reason, the awful truth is that it can result in death still in certain cultures.


One of the most interesting love stories I have heard about is a couple from my daughter's old nursery. He is Black African (although he has been here so long that he has lost the accent and sounds as British as mine) and his Asian (Indian) wife. Her family to this day (and they have been together 15 years) would kill her and probably their mixed race child if they found her.

As an author I am fascinated by a love that can withstand that sort of thing. But I would be more than reluctant to write about another culture which I have not experienced first hand, espcially those as complex as Jewish (at least the Orthodox and Hesidic kind we have over here) or Asian cultures. I hate to say it, but it is virtually impossible to even become close enough friends with people from some cultures to even ask the intimate types of questions you would need to explore to write accurately about their cultures.

But I should say that the idea for a new series is fermenting from what my friend said. He and his wife lost a child a couple of months back. I was shocked by his calm and non-chalance that morning (and a bit irked I must say). My friend the nursery manager asked about it. He said...I am a child of Africa. He went on to describe horrid things he had seen as a child including his best friend stepping on a landmine. I also have gotten very close to the mother of my daughter's best friend who is Nigerian. I am thinking of writing a series called Children of Africa with heroes and heroines who are living with those types of scars physical and emotional.

But then again I never write simple erotic romance. Who knows one day I might get close enough to the cultures you mention to do it justice. One of my best friends is Eastern Eiropean (Russian) and she is married to a man of Asian/mixed descent but not Jewish.

Tara wrote: "One of the most interesting love stories I have heard about is a couple from my daughter's old nursery. He is Black African (although he has been here so long that he has lost the accent and sounds as British as mine) and his Asian (Indian) wife. Her family to this day (and they have been together 15 years) would kill her and probably their mixed race child if they found her."

I have THREE ww/bm romances cooking away... and one in particular to do with a Black American male and a British Asian Indian young woman. I haven't touched it yet because of the very issues you brought forward Tara. The ending of how it plays out is violent and ugly... so I've been holding off writing it because of that. I don't really want it to end as I see it in my minds eye... but I've been exposed to this culture, (of the heroines) to know that it TRULY IS - the most dangerous IR story.

Fact is... this market is growing and expanding, and I feel it is only a matter of time before women of various cultures and races begin telling IR stories that represent them. As for me, because I have some very good, close white girlfriends, I'm comfortable about writing an IR story about them ... black male as the hero. Simply because... I know THEM... I'm iffy about writing something I do really know. But a day is coming that I will go for it.

Good topic!

As homesick as I get for America sometimes, this conversation has really reminded me of how thankful I am for my time here in London. In the US, I grew up white poor...married white rich. Then had relationships with Mexican-American and African-American. But the thing is...assimilating and becoming AMERICAN is over-arching.

I remember arguing with my former partner because he did not want his mother speaking Spanish to our son when he was young. He wanted his child to learn English and I swear sometimes he choose me simply so his child would have blondish hair. LOL.

I lived for years in Los Angeles an area that I had always seen as a utopia of melting pot, but quickly learned that the tensions between African-American and Latino could be deadly.

After that awakening, I found it re-freshing that no one in London even 'looked funny' at my black husband and I. But I had a quick awakening of my own over here...it is called class and culture. If you could strip away everyone's skin until we were all the same pinkish-red of our muscles, we would still all be different because of culture and in this country class is a big one too.

In fact, those differences can be so much bigger than anything else. My marriage is over...not because of race but because of cultural differences. I have so much more in common with the African-American men I used to date than my husband, who is of Afro-Caribbean descent. It goes so deep...how you express emotions, how you raise your children...even how you define success.

So to me race or skin color has taken a different place to culture and at least as long as I stay in this country class.

And all of it is just as wrong...at least that is what I am trying to teach my children.

Tara wrote: "In fact, those differences can be so much bigger than anything else. My marriage is over...not because of race but because of cultural differences. I have so much more in common with the African-American men I used to date than my husband, who is of Afro-Caribbean descent. It goes so deep...how you express emotions, how you raise your children...even how you define success."

I know EXACTLY what you are saying! What an eye opener! My husband is white... or rather, Yorkshiremen, from up North. Many from the South, where you are, turn their noses UP and their backs on, those up here! Startling to say the lease. My husband and I have our cultural clashes because the men here, are strung or wired emotionally different, a whole lot different from the way they are strung, or wired in America. Skin color has nothing to do with it. I get you, I get you!

Mercedes, you have me intrigued. How is your husband wired different from an American man?

Lady Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Mercedes, you have me intrigued. How is your husband wired different from an American man?"

Oh my goodness! Where do I begin? I have never had to explain this before, so it won't be easy. I worked with a large number of "White-American" men - and though they had a learning curve concerning ME - an African-American woman - ie; the normal racial difference stuff ... our basic understanding was still pretty much American based. And - I daresay, for the most part, WHITE men from America - IF they are interested in black women - have a built in "caution-fear-careful" inherited gene from our history. They are trying to understand and learn.

My Yorkshiremen has NONE of that! NONE! He sees me as being a WOMAN first in an old-fashion almost Neanderthal kind of way... lmbo... oh man! (This is easier known than explained...forgive where I muck up)... He - Englishmen - Yorkshiremen... can often disconnect emotionally in that, they DON'T want to HEAR IT! Period! Trying to explain where you're coming from to THEM... is straight up NAGGING in his eyes. As communication goes... they SUCK at it. For the most part, Black and White American men have been guided towards atleast TRYING in some cases to listen and let you have your say. NO, they don't LIKE IT - but they do at least TRY... some of them anyway. They are more sensitive, compassionate.

English... Yorkshiremen... Vikings? Oh my Lord! Woman - KNOW YOUR PLACE! I kid you not. All of them? NO! Of course not. BUT - being with a man from England is most certainly different from being with one from America. This is where you learn, that SKIN COLOR means NOTHING! And CULTURE... means everything! WOW!

Believe me when I say, it was HELL adjusting to this TYPE of man... HELL! Not because he's white... but because he's English. I wish I could break it down for you even more... but it's hard to off the top of my head. I have to spend more time considering everything before I can be more clear - because it's not easy to explain... but I KNOW exactly what Tara is saying.

Amended to Add:

Think of stiff upper lip.
Inhibit - control - disdain
Showing more than one talent, showing off
Again... know your place
There's more... but it's hard to reach and explain if it's not fresh.

Oh well... that's enough... believe me, you have to DO IT... be in it... to get it.

That makes total sense, Mercedes. Thanks for sharing!

Add...when you are dealing with both British and Afro-Caribbean...think would not know an emotion if it came up and bite them on the (you know what). No manners...I got so spoiled by my sweet talking A-A men. They would tell you how special you are (whether they meant it or not, they talked a good game). For instance, I'm a dran good cook and espcially my cookies and biscuits. If I ever cooked for a man, I got used to hearing how good it was. Forget it...never a compliment, but boy do you hear the complaints. And forget a hug or kiss in public...I swear it must be against some law or something.

Tara wrote: "Add...when you are dealing with both British and Afro-Caribbean...think would not know an emotion if it came up and bite them on the (you know what). No manners...I got so spoiled by my sweet talki..."

That's why I said... color... nothing to do with these men... it's ALL CULTURAL! And it's emotionally draining... and after 8 years... we've finally reached our sweet spot. But it was not easy and more than a few times I thought, this was a mistake. On the other side, I don't anymore... we're closer than ever - but it doesn't always turn out this way with American women and British men... the reach is often as far a stretch as the ocean between us. Ugh!

Aurora wrote: "I'm an Eastern European Jew, and honestly I really wish that I could discover more books written with Asian Male/White Female pairings, (Or more ideally Jewish female/Asian Male) I hope that this i..."

Thank you so much, Aurora for your imput and your honesty. Now, I'm going to give you a little bit of the same, from me LOL.

When a majority of the romance novels on the bookshelves and in the e-publishing world are comprised of white/European women paired with not just white men, but men of other races, it's a little tough to for me to think "hey, there should be some IR's with white women as main characters". Granted, some of my all-time favorite romances are WW/WM pairings.

White women, for better or worse, are the default heroines and most of us who read romance, pretty much get that and that doesn't stop us from reading and enjoying these books. But now we have a playground in which black women (and women of color overall) get to be the objects of love, desire and affection and personally I would love to see even more being written. Compared to mainstream romance, AA and IR are still relatively the new kids on the block and honestly, I'm excited about that. I want to see more books that reflect my reality. Images and words are powerful tools in the right hands and it's nice to see women of color front and center, sexy and sophisticated, getting their freak on, LOL and being the heroines rather than the "best friend" or sidekick.

Vixenne wrote: "But now we have a playground in which black women (and women of color overall) get to be the objects of love, desire and affection and personally I would love to see even more being written. Compared to mainstream romance, AA and IR are still relatively the new kids on the block and honestly, I'm excited about that. "

Yeah... it's going to take a LOOOOOOONG time before this playground is balanced. This is the reason why as much as I want to write, WW/BM or other male - it will be a while before I do. My greatest passion and drive is for BW heroines, because they are most certainly, way overdue. Aurora... Somewhere out there, I guarantee it... there is a novel, romance, book of the scenario you seek, JWW/AM... you may have to dig for it... but it's on a shelf somewhere.

Also, I don't doubt that someone is fulfilling that request as we discuss it, it's just a matter of time before it appears.

Blame it on society/culture/whatever, but as unfair as it might be, a Jewish character is often defaulted to "white", especially here in the U.S. Very few romances write about orthodox or Hasidic women. I would LOVE to read about a Hasidic woman falling in love with a Black man (talk about the fireworks that would evoke, LOL). Sadly most of the time when there's a Jewish female character, it's usually the J.A.P stereotype (Jewish American Princess) where their culture is less a part of who they are and treated more as a comedy trope.

@Mercedes: Too true and I don't think we should feel as if there's something bad about wanting to see our lives and loves in print. After reading your comments, I'd love to read more books with European interracial couples. I mean hello, the Princess of Lichtenstein is black, LOL.

Funny you should mention Hasidic Jewish (another closed culture that would be difficult to write), but this summer I had the privilege of watching a courtship between a young couple while we were at the local park. It was amazing to watch the comfortable way that they interacted with one another. Thinking about our own Western culture and how uncomfortable dates can be, it was a stark differrence. I have since observed several couples on the bus and around this area, I had always assumed that it was another situation where women were 'less than equal' for lack of a better word. But these girls can give their men an ear full. I don't know about what because they don't do it in English. LOL!

One theme that is hot topic in romance is the arranged marriage. That takes on totally different perspective when you are surrounded with cultures where that is the norm. It has ignited my own creative juices on the subject and I am working on a novel about the subject called The Arrangement.

Tara wrote: "It has ignited my own creative juices on the subject and I am working on a novel about the subject called The Arrangement. "

Sounds like a gooden! Best of luck with that one Tara!

Tara wrote: "Aurora wrote: "I'm an Eastern European Jew, and honestly I really wish that I could discover more books written with Asian Male/White Female pairings, (Or more ideally Jewish female/Asian Male) I h..."

I am actually trying to write Jewish female/Asian male stories. I think I meant stories that have "modern" Jews, where Jews are Jews without the J.A.P or name in only stereotypes. True, everyone sees themselves as white. I always hate saying I'm "white" actually. I never felt "white" I have nothing against white men, but I don't find them physically attractive. When I read a book with white heroine, I always default her as a Christian though, unless stated otherwise.

I am responding to this post a bit late & not exactly giving my opinion for the reasons of lack of literature between Jewish women and Asian men.

However- I can personally give an anecdote with a young guy I am dating.

Interesting thing is, he is ethnically Asian AMerican, specifically from South East Asia & was adopted as a young child. Beside the fact I was taken by how charming & good looking he was, I was thrown by his religion. He's Asian American, but practices the Jewish faith. WTH? I never seen this. He even speaks Hebrew & has visited Israel many times. In his situation, his adoptive parents were Jewish & when he matured into a young man he was given the choice to follow their religion or choose his own.

Very unique. Sadly, he had trouble with trying to start relationships with Jewish women who were close to their faith. No matter the fact he was raised Jewish, practices the faith, & even speaks Hebrew he wasn't taken seriously and was solely judged on his features: Asian AMerican. As a young man raised in the Jewish household he personally prefers women of a similar faith for obvious reasons; its something both parties can relate to. The guy is bloody gorgeous, and smart if not a bit of a goofball- regardless he was often told "I like you- but I want a "jewish-Jewish" boy. Sorry"

Personally, I think he just had some bad luck & was perhaps too inexperienced. I happen to know a few girls of the Jewish faith who date outside their religion & culture. Bloody hell, one of my best friends is Jewish & her husband is Muslim from Palestine!

In the end, however I'm glad I with JR. He's one of a kind, a Asian American Jewish. lol and he's stuck with a Roman Catholic Irish girl! Go figure.... preferences r fun & uniqueness is fascinating.

Thanks for sharing with us about your boyfriend, Gilligan. It shows how complex ethnicity and culture can be and that it's not just about skin color and race.

I think it's so popular because it's the most easily relatable with readers...at least in American society. Authors have to think about the bottom line in addition to writing about what they know best. In places where it is not very racially or ethnically diverse, Black and White is what people see and understand on some level (or can find info about easily). With some readers, if they can't relate or understand, they won't purchase.

I'd love to find and date an Asian-Jewish man...my secret dream actually :( Pity it will never come true...

I dream of marrying an impossible man,
A man that only exists in my dreams,
A man I will never meet,
A man I will never see, touch or hear,
I dream of him being Jewish, but I
Want for his skin to be the color
Of sand, his eyes to be dark,
And his features denoting him
As East/Southeast Asian.

In Texas do I live,
The state of Christianity
with five or six churches
Per every two blocks

Such man cannot exist,
Such man I will not meet,
Thus my loneliness remains,
My dream dying down and
Shattering into pieces.

How unfair that one who
Desires this, cannot
Get it in any shape
Or form...

Thanks for reminding me of my pain.

Aurora wrote: "I'd love to find and date an Asian-Jewish man...my secret dream actually :( Pity it will never come true...

Love the poem.

The first thing you have to do when you want something or have a dream is to visualize this dream in to reality. You draw to yourself what you believe. If you believe it will never happen, even when it's happening you will be oblivious. I write books featuring Black Women and Asian Men and because I have a great attraction to Asian men I took the time out to learn about their culture, their language, their history which is very important because it still plays a huge part in their modern daily lives.

First, the commonalities. They have a great sense of family. They don't believe in casting their elderly aside. Their elderly are above all else the wisdom of the family, the one that have earned great respect. So if you do love or marry an Asian man, be prepared to share your life on a daily bases with this man's family. Entire family. They have a mentality of Southern Black Folks, Latin Families. It wouldn't be unreasonable to them to marry and move in or have his parents to move in so his mother can *guide* you into being a good wife to her son.

Is it always this way, no. People are mostly molded by their upbringing and their surrounding. If you want to increase your chance of finding the man you want you have to make yourself available. For instance I live in Alabama and there is almost no Asian population and the few we have are married. I rarely see them unless its in a grocery store or I go to their restaurant. So the first thing you need to do is consider building a life for yourself that allow you to live or travel to cities or countries that open you opportunity. Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, Toronto, Places that have their own China Town, Korea Town, Little Tokyo...ect You will stand a better chance of meeting Asian men that have grew up diverse. Meaning in Black Schools, Black neighborhoods, The more acceptable Asian men usual have Black male friends they hang with or ball with.

Another thing to know if you're interested in Japanese men, don't bother going to Japan. Go to Hawaii. Your odds are greater.

Now to what you really really need to know. No one. Nada. Want to be loved for their race. It's an automatic turn off. You want to know that this person is with you because of everything you are. If you go after him because he's Asian, then that's just as low of a man who has "jungle fever". It makes you feel as if any of Black girl would have suffice. Well Asian men can feel the same way. Trust because I do write these romances, I have met women that are addicted to Asian men and culture. They aren't looking to be loved by a man that happens to be Asian because their physically attracted first and fall in love with him in a natural progression.

Big mistake. If you use him just so you can say you dating an Asian man. He going to use you, maybe abuse you, and discard you because he will know, just like you would know if you're being used to knock the edge off the curiosity factor.

Asian men, are not always well-endowed like you may read in the books. Just like all men aren't well endowed in any culture. The odds of finding a man average to more is lower than some cultures, but why wouldn't it be. A person gene makeup is made up by their history. Most Asians come a history of class distinction and undernourishment, meat was a rarity. To them an egg is still considered a great source of protein. Fish were easy to come by because of natural resources. So they come from a culture where there are a lot of petite people men and women. So having 6 to 7 inches of "manhood" does not these men make, yet they are some of the most masculine men in the world. Because as Mercedes explained about her English husband.

Just because it is rumored Asian men are the weakest of all men. It simply isn't true of all Asian men. Mostly they are well discipline and just like men in all cultures, you may run into one that beats his wife for trying to wear his pants in a household.

Lastly, if you are in love, or wanting an Asian man like those in the Drama's. You will never get it. Those beautiful flower boys in the dramas are in the drama because their looks are rare and appreciated. If you are lucky enough to meet your own Asian Flower gem, One of the beautiful people of Asia. There is a chance that even if he dates you and love you. Regardless of his love, he more likely than not return to his country to choose his "wife" out of a selection of nice girls his mother has chosen for him to date. Is it right? No, but it's respectful, expected, and to them only makes sense because who can understand you better than a member of your own culture? They believe marriage is successful when their parents choose their spouse because there will be no family issues when your wife and parents get along really well, because you're marrying a family, not a man.

I hope this helps keep your head in a healthy place while you open yourself to the possibility, not enslave yourself to the type of love you want.

I live in Dallas Texas area. I did do my research on the history of Asia such as China, Korea and Japan to an extent. I have read two classics, one from China another from Japan. I watched some dramas from Japan and Korea, and no they're not romantic comedy types, but are deep and revenge type.(Korean romantic comedies are my personal pet peeve.) I have dated some Asian men in the past, I do find them physically attractive and I am trying to be realistic when it comes to life. I never cared for penis size. Unfortunately I don't think I'm into traveling either. I also write stories of Asian men and white women together, although I'm not a published author. I am trying to force myself to realize that me being with an Asian dream is a pipe dream and will only happen in my stories or in any Asian male/white female romance/love stories I choose to read. Most likely than not, I'll probably be alone my whole life hearing the same words repeated over and over. Thanks for advice though.

Aurora wrote: "I live in Dallas Texas area. I did do my research on the history of Asia such as China, Korea and Japan to an extent. I have read two classics, one from China another from Japan. I watched some dra..."

You're welcome.

To me, the popularity is just a reflection of a desire that SOME black women have had for a long time. I almost used the word "curiosity" but felt that that might come across out of context for this thread.

I think that traditionally, AA women have been "down". We've clung to the idea of finding that good, BLACK man forever and now times are just changing and more and more ladies are willing to step out of that restriction in reality. It only stands to reason that we would gravitate toward literature that further represented that direction and allows us to better imagine OR even better relate if we are already in relationships with WM. Personally, I always like stories that I can relate to even if only in some small way. With fiction, its just nice to read something that allows me the right mental visual to go with my fantasies. I'm attracted to white men, married to a white man. Thats not to say I'm not attracted to black men, latino, asian, etc. Its just nice reading something where both the physical descriptions and some of the situations are more easily identifiable for me. And no, I'm definitely not saying that as a blanket statement to speak for all AA women or even all of us who read this genre. Just answering the question posed from my own pov.

My preference in IR romances is BW/WM mainly out of personal self interest. I like to read about black heroines.

My options are : AA romance or IR romance.

I find AA romances problematic in that I think the pub world tend to place them in four categories:

1) Street lit/thug lit. This has a very lively and vibrant audience of it's own. So I can see why pubs will promote it b/c frankly it makes money. But I dislike this genre so this is a category I will not read.

2) AA romance. Well written and romantic very much patterned on tropes invented by Harlequin. However my feeling is the audience is much smaller. Also, pubs tend to require a very narrow vision of who the hero/heroine can be. This tends to leech any real vibrancy out of the stories. One of the biggest complaints I hear about Kimani romances (my own included) is that on the whole they are boring. I've read the submission guidelines for KR and they have such a narrow idea of what the heroine must be that a writer really can't flex her muscles imo. They really neuter the characters. There are a couple of stand-out writers in the line, but on the whole I haven't been too excited about them. And who else is publishing mainstream AA romances? So I tend to steer clear unless someone really pops out to me. But seriously...don't let me get started on Harlequin. I can write a frickin' dissertation about my issues with Harlequin and the opportunities they have squandered to reach out to AA readers.

3) Literary fiction. Most women who read AA fiction who tend to drift toward the more literary end of the spectrum. Problem is I tend to find the subject matter too serious sometimes for my liking. I drift toward romance because it is a lighter, more hopeful genre and eh focus is on the relationship. Sure there are more serious plot lines that abound in romance but even the most intense romance can't compare to some mainstream AA fiction. Dorothy Koomson, whom I love, is right on the border of this so sometimes I really have t psych myself up to read her.

4) Christian Fiction. Again very popular but I don't like the insertion of religion in my romances so again I steer clear.


So AA romances kind of self select against themselves for me.

IR romances live closer to the spirit of what I like in romance novels.

I like a lot of multicultural inclusion in romances. Some of my favorites include characters of all races. I have lived always in a very multicultural environment, from family to schools to now my work place. It is difficult to read homogenous works sometimes. it is one of the reasons that I've developed somewhat of an antipathy to mainstream historical romances which I used to like. When I do read them I read them way more critically than I used to. I now seek out writers who are much more inclusive.

I can only assume that the (especially black) women who now write IR romances are somewhat like me. Hungry for something that was not available for many years and the rise of self publishing has finally allowed that availability. Added to what I consider a lively grassroots campaign in the form of dedicated message boards I think like anything that has been suppressed for a long time it find a place to bloom rapidly when given some light.