Language & Grammar discussion

I found this in my mail today:

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Dear Valued Customer,

As a loyal Art Moran customer, we wanted to inform you that your (car lease) contract is ending soon... etc etc
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"We" is Art Moran, the dealership that probably believes that I'm loyal.

:-)

Also, Art Moran is calling Art Moran a loyal customer, according to this sentence's construction.

Egoists, Inc.?

Whaddya expect from a car salesman....(chortle)

How much more time and ink would it have taken to write: "Since you are a loyal customer..." ?

Worse, I must say, are the "as" clauses in fiction where the hero is forced to perform actions that are not physically possible to do simultaneously (unless one perhaps has a prehensile tail.)

Ooh. Always wanted one of those.

What fiction would that be Rowena?! (I would use an interrobang but I am still waiting for Josh to tell me how!)