Kids/Teens Book Club discussion

O.K, I read alot, but I also write alot aswell....

This is the plan for the first couple of pages of a book I am writing. I hope you enjoy it. There is alot of editing to be done, and I am still trying to establish my style but at least tell me if you would read it based on what you have been given :)

It was 4:00 on Thursday night when I first discovered that I was the only person left on the planet. I was later to discover that there were about twenty other people who had also survived whatever took everyone else away, but for the week when I was blind to that, my life was as close to heaven as humanely possible. I was on my way to soccer when I realised that I hadn’t seen anyone, and when I called a number of my friends to check if they were attending, to find that none of them answered that I knew that something was up. I ended up going around to many houses, checking whether or not there were people home. No-one answered their doors. I rang 000 to see if there was an answer there. There wasn’t.
2 hours later, I had probably broken 30 or so laws, hoping someone would turn up. I took my parents car, whose key was always on the hook by the door, for a spin, and crashed it into a house. I then found their car keys, and after stripping the house of money, and valuables took their car for a drive. That car was fast, and I mean fast. I drove it down to the deli, in which I decided to set up camp for the night. I ended up getting no sleep at all, because I was so scared of what might happen to me if I did. I had nightmares that night, of these bluey alien creatures, who had my parents. I can still remember that dream clearly today.
The rest of the week was more or less the same, driving around, and mucking around with a ton of stuff I probably shouldn’t have. It felt like fun at the time, but I know realise I was probably exaggerating my enjoyment to myself to cover up my worries for my family and myself.
While sitting down for a microwave dinner one night I started thinking about how I was the only one to survive, and when the others were taken. I came to the conclusion that it was possible that some of the people on my bus may have survived. For the next 4 hours I spent my time trying to find the number of a guy I knew on the bus. When I did find it, I rang it immediately and got an answer. There are no words to describe how happy I felt to hear another human’s voice, let alone someone I had known before the day which we now refer to as “the disappearance”. It was Michael who responded to that call. The excitement in his voice was extraordinary. It was like I could feel it through the phone. Michael wasn’t my best friend in the world, but we had talked before. A few words at school and then often a conversation on the bus on the way home. But this was different. Everything had changed. This wasn’t just “Hey Michael, How’ve you been going?” It wasn’t a normal day. The first 5 minutes was just amazement at the thought that we weren’t alone, the next 5 we talked.
About half an hour later Michael and I were sitting at his house. It was him who suggested that we keep searching for the others. I had forgotten about them, but he hadn’t. Over the next couple of days we managed to find 2 more numbers, the first was someone who in all honesty I would rather was dead. We fluked on his number when looking for the bus drivers, who’s in the end we couldn’t. I made an executive decision without Michael that I wasn’t going to make the call. When I eventually did tell him that I had found another number he agreed it was the right thing to do. This guy was a complete whack job. While talking about it with Michael I recalled a memory when the guy, Dominic, had grabbed a mate of mine and punched him for no reason. When I had punched him in return, he fell to the ground and faked an epileptic fit. I ended up getting suspended for it, and he got nothing. Shows what you can do when you have no worries about how stupid you seem to others.
The other person whose number we found was a girl called Mikayla. She was the year younger than Michael and I and sometimes sat near us on the bus. Whenever she did sit near us, Michael seemed to get really nervous, especially when she sat next to him, leading me to believe that he may have had a crush on her. When he found her number the excitement in her voice clarified that for me, which presented a great opportunity to wind him up. It was pretty late the night we found her number, so we decided to wait till morning to call.

Thats pretty interesting, it just needs to be edited. The writing is a little loose, but your first sentence rocks.
I think you should leave out the part mentioning other survivors. It takes away the wonder of the first line.

Ok thanks for the advice :) Yes, I know the writing needs to be edited, I have missed several commas, but this is more of a plan type thing than a story as of yet