St. Peter's Asylum discussion

Dang Slivy. This is all going on with Zach? I'm sorry...I think. :)

I don't even know what to think. :/ And Yupperz. We had quite the conversation last night.

Yeah, I see that.

Ugh. I just, I don't know. :(( We are in the midst of a relationship fuckery haha.

Relatioship? I thought y'all were just frieinds? Anything I can do?

Well a friendship counts as a relationship. And that was part of the bipolar emotions part crap haha. He said a lot of stuff and I just don't know what to do why to say or how to react, really. Urgh.

Well first, do you think it's all true? Everything he said?

Well first, do you think it's all true? Everything he said?

I don't know. He changed his mind about some things so many times that it was hard to keep up. Maybe some of it was true, but I usually find it hard to believe anything close to a comment a boy tells me.

Anyone who's giving you this shat should go to ducking hall. Dump his ducking lass. Sure, you care about him, but you need to care about someone (it doesn't have to be care in the sense of love) for them to be able to twist your emotions and make your life hall; unless they're using someone you care about. So, yeah you care about him, you have to or this wouldn't be happening. So if you care about him, you have to ask yourself is that 'love' for him equal or more than the feeling of confusion and horribleness that you're experiencing? If it is, then it will work out. If it isn't then just forget it and move on.

Dang Kat, nice langue. Scarm/ I mean I cuss too, but on the internet? Wow.

Ah, whatever. I was mad.

I see that.

Better?

Ha. That's funny, you didn't need to change it, I was fine with it I was just making a comment.

Lol it's kay. I was probably gonna change it anyway.

Kat (really wants to go to epikk expensive camps) wrote: "Anyone who's giving you this shat should go to ducking hall. Dump his ducking lass. Sure, you care about him, but you need to care about someone (it doesn't have to be care in the sense of love) fo..."

Yeah I know. :/ My dad threw a hissy fit because he asked who I was texting and I told him I was texting Zack, because he was and then he flipped out on me then barely talked to me for the rest of the day. I told Zack what happened, and he said listen to him and stop talking to him. At this point. I was almost starting to enjoy just talking to him again as like friends and then this? I just told him he was overreacting and he said he would overreact like that too if his daughter were talking to someone four years older than her. I was exhausted and in a pissy mood so my last text didn't make hardly any sense so I just said in sorry I'm in a mood today. My bad. He didn't text me back so I hung out with my friend till three and we fell asleep. Soooooo I don't know what he wants. It has to be something along the lines of on the one hand, he misses me and still like me and blah blah blah but on the other he has to think about the consequences that I always remind him of and what's best for him and me. I don't even know what I want now. :/

Well, Slivy now I'm confused. Your dad got mad, or Zach? Or both? Anyway, whatever it is you'll fix it.. hopefully. And if it gets to bad just tell Zach to F**ck off. Simple. Well, I shouldn't be saying that, cause well its not but lets stick to your problems.

My dad got mad and Zack tried to convince me to listen to him and not talk to him if it made my dad upset. I dunno if he's mad at me but I won't text him because I'll just see him tomorrow.

Ah. Okay...

Yay. Thanks to my stepmom and I, my dad is fine with Zack and I texting because I said we were just friends. XD Migjt tell Zack tomorrow but Iunno yet. We'll see, I suppose.

I'm sure you'll still be able to visit GA like over the summers or during break and things. I hate leaving home, too, but it's okay because I can visit.

Yeah you probably should be.

Well, look at it like this: Florida is a new start. You can change who you are if you want. You know how many times I've wanted to drop my crazy frontational reputation? Now you can be whoever you want.

Yeah but, I mean its just... Sigh.

I know it's hard.

Well it makes it harder when all the friends yo have here kinda hate your guts and then some...

:( Then they're not really your friends. But I know what it's like to have someone hate you and it's not always that easy just to 'ignore' it.

Well then maybe it's better to move. Meet new people and since you'll be new it's not like you'll have any obligations to people you grew up with.

No I mean thry don't hate ME, they hate what I did. Yeah well they are, they have been my freindsfor 10 years. (Samantha anyway)

Well, fresh start. And 10 yrs can make it hard, but if you know her that well than you could probably still have friendship over facebook and stuff.

Yeah

Rant: None have posted as someone on Lena's dorm. Sadness.

Response to rant: aren't only nurses allowed into her dorm?

Response to the response to the rant: Well, pretty much. Though I have seen people barge in, unknowing. Just ranting cause I could.

I don't get it. Why in the world do you bitches feel like you have to put me down everywhere I go? I know I'm not popular, and I don't want to be. So stop holding it over my head like it's some golden prize, because it doesn't hold any value to me. Being popular would mean having to be friends with people like you, who don't give a shit about me. More to come after school.

Aw, I'm sorry Amara. I've been there before. :/

I'm assuming it's after school? Tell me about the b/thches.

As you wish.


So. I'm sure that you people have your redeeming qualities, but it just makes my blood boil the way that you treat the other kids, like me. Cutting me off and telling me to shut up. I wasn't even talking to you, I mean, seriously? I want to believe that you are just narrowminded and insecure, but I know that's not true. That's just crap that my psychologist tells me, to make me feel better. And the worse part of it? I can't stand up to you. Because I'm too nice, and even though your comments and whispers and stares make me cry every night, I won't ever do anything about it. I may be a coward, but I don't really think I am. I can be brave, if you give me the chance. But it's my stupid empathy that blocks me from giving you a taste of your own medicine. I'm so stupidly, infuriatingly average and nice that I help you with your homework, though you pressure me to go out with my guy friend and spread rumors about me. I really, really, really, want to give you people the benefit of the doubt. But you just can't let me, because there is no doubt. You are all selfish, horrible, bitchy, skanky, mean, racist, people. There just really aren't words to describe how horrible I feel, especially in Health class, when you annoy me and look down on me even more. Strength in numbers, most definitely. I get it. I think I'm a worthless piece of shit, too. So can we move on, and can you finally leave me alone?

Don't think like that, for starters. She wrong about all that she says and you just have to learn to realize she's wrong. It took me years, but now I dot really give two shots about what the bitch/slut at my school has to say about me. They're all the same, and the best way to kill then is with kindness. But if you're like me, that doesn't work, so you just ignore the bitch and tell her to piss off. If it gets too out of hand, go tithe guidance clunker or the principal to make it stop.

Thanks. <3

:) <3 No problem, hun.

Sooooooo... You all know I'm boy crazy and that I apparently have awful taste in men, and all the other things that you know about. :/ Now I have more news and I'm going to type-scream what I can't ever scream out loud.

Today we had our Mock DUI crash today and we aren't allowed to go because we're too emotional about it, which is stupid because everyone else cries because it's so realistic. Here's how the DUI works;

•Kids (high schoolers) usually who are in SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions) volenteer to take parts in the DUI crash where we renact a drunk car crash and someone dies and is flown out by helicopter and someone else gets injured, then someone is arrested for driving drunk. It's a big thing and the next time it happens I'll be a volenteering senior.

•There's an assembly for high schoolers featuring those who were in the crash. I don't know much about it, I've never went to one

•They try makin it AS REAL AS POSSIBLE

•Some senior was playing drink driver, Zack was the one dying, and his little sister was being driven away by the ambulance.

In my class, we got a view of only the helicopter flying the person playing dead away. Even though you couldn't tell who it was because of how the firemen were carrying him in the stretcher, I knew who it was and I could imagine him being really dead there. As you can imagine, it was emotional for me and I was only watching from a window. I was the only person in my class to cry, even just a little bit. Then after school when he walked out of the auditorium, I saw his blood an makeup and I almost cried again. It didn't look all that real, but t was enough to get me to panic. He didn't notice and now I'm getting made fun of for crying. If only they knew the whole story.

On the bright side, I have been noticing him glancing in my direction more often, and he's not exactly glaring, so maybe his temper is winding down and he's not as upset about the sex thing thy turned out to be almost nothing. The office didn't yell at us, and te only reason my mom knows is because I told her. Now we just have to settle us, which would be hard. But he's looking at me, maybe even checking me out again. We made eye contact this morning, but damn me I looked away too quickly. This morning I saw him almost alone in the hall and I told him his cabinet that he made looked awesome in the art show. I just wanted to talk to him, and I know he worked his ass off for months on it, so why not compliment him? He didn't ignore me, more like he just looked at me and move his what the way he used to when we were first talking and it was the only contact w had when we weren't sneaking out.

So that's how my day has been so far. Along with Aaron being himself, and him mocking me because he think Zack was my fort kiss even though I never admitted to me kissing him at all. I know I will eventually have to talk to Zack and just figure out what's gonna happen to us and what's going on, by I don't know how it when. I just know that I still like him and I do t want us to fight at all. I want us to be lie we used to be, even though that will ever happen. I think that's all... Meh.

Aww. Sil. It's both sorta happy and sad at the same time.

Happy because the whole sex thing blew over, but sad because you're getting worked up. XD

Yup lol but you can tell he's not completely over it. I almost hugged him yesterday on accident because we almost ran into each other. It was nice. :p

He's over it an he's not, I think. It's so hard because I k ow him but then I don't at other times.

*Sigh* Sliv, your life sounds like a joy. And not to bring anything back up thats already been brought up(I think) but sex thing?

Sooooo everything that was on the bright side can be completely cleared from the table. Something happened. Again. And my friends want to dump me because they think all I think about is Zack. I'm sure it's probably true because I'm just so confused right now and I'm extremely unsure of myself and my surroundings, but I try not to say too much about it because my friends say they don't want to hear it and by saying something, I'm being a bad friend.


Faith- My English teacher went down to the office and said that he thought Zack and I were having sex and now he wants nothing to do with me.

Aw.. I'm sorry Sliv.

So, before anyone groans and slams their head against their keyboard I have I say: Don't worry. This is not a rant about me and my boy-crazy, heartbreak, stupid boy drama life-dilemmas. :p Now that that's Oi of the way, I need advice.

Next year I want to do sports all season long for the school year. Such as,
Fall->Soccer, Winter->Cheerleading, Spring->________??
You see my dilemma? There's a blank under my spring sport, and I really want to do a sport all-year long. It will keep me fit, and if I'm good enough, it could get me scholarships. I really want to do tennis because it's a sport I'm good at and I like, but my mom doesn't want to drive me to the YMCA in the mornings because practices are at like, dice in the morning before school starts. My other options are
•Track
•Softball
• I'm not sure what else

I'm a little hesitant to do softball because there are a couple girls who I hear really doesn't like me, and I'm intimidated by Jessica, Zack's little sister. She scares the crap out of me and from what he's told me, she's not someone I want to be around. I suck at track and running, so I don't want to do that. I'm not sure whether it's worth it to try to be on softball or not with the two girls who I'm not sure about. Plus, there's a lot of girls and I'm not sure if they have tryouts and if there are, I don't know if I'll make the cut.

Don't even get me started on what my number will be. :p

So I was grounded for being up on the roof. At two in the morning with my brother and my best friend. At first, I got my phone and iPod taken away just because going on the roof was a stupid idea and the roof might have caved out from under us.

Then my father, unsurprisingly, went through my phone and I didn't have time to delete certain messages from a certain boy in my phone. It just pisses me off that he goes through my phone every chance he gets yet its not me he doesn't trust, it's everyone else. THAT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. If its me you trust, why go through my personal stuff? Anyways, he read some texts he did not like from erm, let's call him Lover Boy. They weren't anything dirty or anything, but they didnt like that he was LoverBoy((; in my contacts or that he wanted to know Joni slept or that I innocently asked him how big his bed was. As far as they know it was innocence anyway.

So parents demanded to know who this kid was and I said it was a friend of a friend. My friend and I had it all planned out but then she cracked under the pressure with our flaw in the plan and now I'm in worse trouble and I'm forbidden to talk to Lover Boy, which sucks because I like love this kid. We've been through a lot through the past five or six months and I keep going bck to him. I can't not talk to him because I will NOT lose him this time. This is infuriating and in willing to do anything to just talk to him, let alone be with him and do thugs like we've discussed.

I'm so frustrated with my parents. I mean, I understand why they're upset. He's eighteen and in asking him how big his bed is. Bad thing for your parents to know and they get the wrong impression. But come on I told them before we're just friends with benefits and they were okay with it before! Then they change their minds and claim they never said anything! I'm so desperate to be with him it's pathetic. God damnit! Okay, I'm done.

Slivy, A few questions ran thorw my head. First, Lover boy? *rasies eyebrows* And second, if your parents were okay with friends with benifits, why are they pissed that y'all were talking? And why in hell were you on the roof at two in the morning?