Indie Book Club discussion

Howdy!

I thought I should mention to everyone present that if you're an author, and if you're self-published or unpublished, you ought to consider entering the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest! Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Breakthrough-No...

There are two categories: general fiction and young-adult fiction. Open for submissions nows, closed on February 5th, 2012, or once 5,000 entries have been received for each category. Hurry up and don't miss out! I'm entered. Are you?? :)

Big J

Probably should.... but reluctant to after last year's effort :-/

~Rob

I only wish it was open to all countries. My country isn't on the list. :(

I didn't even make it into the second round last year. Pitch wasn't good enough. I've been debating about trying again. Maybe one more time, but with a revamped pitch (although I actually liked the one I had last year, hmm...).

So has anyone else entered it this year besides me?

I just entered, here's my tentative pitch:

Ezra Hawkins is going to change the world.

Although, honestly, there isn't that much world left to change. After the Great War that nearly destroyed the Earth, mankind has been reduced to a single city: Sanctuary. Hidden from the ravages of the world, the last scions of humanity have eked out their existence through hard work and ingenuity, managing survival, maybe even a little happiness.

But Ezra Hawkins, last heir to the legacy of wormhole technology, will show them something that no human in over a thousand years has known: Hope.

This is a story of science against magic, of people who can bend the elements to their will and the shadowy forces that police them. And most of all, WIND-SCARRED tells the tale of a young man desperate to learn the true nature of the past, and of a planet that has its own ideas about the future.

Nice pitch, Sky!

I see both the YA and General Fiction have judges with ties to SF/F this year. I don't remember either category having that last year (but it has been a year ago, so...).
(Working on pitch.)

Okay, the first pitch is the revised one. The second one is the one I used last year. Constructive criticism welcomed here. :-)

------------------------------

Jason Bennett never intended to change the world, his own or anyone else's. But when an ordinary family vacation sends the teenager to Teleria, an extraordinary world of might and magic, that changes quickly. In Teleria, Jason is thought be Jaben, a paradoxical figure from ancient prophecy destined to save or doom the world.

Through half-truths and misunderstandings, Jason gets caught in a dangerous tug of war between the ruling Circle of Nine and one of his own ancestors from three hundred years in his past. Adding to his dilemma, he finds himself at the center of a conflict between two of the Altered, a small group of godlike beings, one of whom is secretly aiding Jason's ancestor, violating a Covenant that has kept Teleria safe from their influence for over a millennia.

Unable to return home, Jason must learn to use power he isn't convinced he has, keep from triggering a war between the Altered that could devastate the planet, and survive the plans of some among the Circle who believe the prophecy calls for his death.

Not quite the summer vacation he had in mind.

-----------------------------------------

Jason Bennett never intended to change the world, his own or anyone else's. Then an ordinary family vacation sends the teenager to Teleria, an extraordinary world of might and magic. Living alongside humans, and sometimes in opposition to them, are races of animal/human hybrids and displaced aliens, the last victims of technology destroyed fifteen centuries before.

Thought to be Jaben, a paradoxical figure from an ancient prophecy, Jason gets caught in a dangerous tug of war between the ruling Circle of Nine and one of his own ancestors who opposes them. Adding to his dilemma, he finds himself at the center of a conflict between two of the Altered, a small group of godlike beings, one of whom is secretly aiding Jason's ancestor, violating a Covenant that has kept Teleria safe from their influence for over a millennia.

Unable to return home, Jason must learn to use power he isn't convinced he has, keep from triggering a war between the Altered that could devastate the planet, and survive the plans of some among the Circle who believe the prophecy calls for his death.

Jason's arrival sets the wheels in motion on events that will change Teleria forever. Along with deception and betrayal, the ideals of honor and self-sacrifice are on full display in FROM A FAR LAND, a tale called by one reviewer "a perfect example of why I am reading indie fantasy."

I definitely like the 1st better! Flows better! Don't get me wrong, they're both good. I think #1 is better than #2!

Big J

Hmmm... I like the 1st one better as well. My only suggestion would be to work in the book title somewhere. Oh, and summarize less, tease more. And one more thing...

I like impact statements.

Like that one. The more it feels like you've been punched in the gut by pure awesome, the better. Even if you have to lie about only having one thing to say so you can work it in there. Keeping in mind that I haven't actually gotten around to reading your book yet, I would humbly suggest something like the following:


Jason Bennett never intended to change the world. It's too bad no-one asked him.

After a family vacation gone wrong sends him tumbling into the strange world of Teleria - a land might and magic, paradoxes and prophesy - Jason quickly discovers that his intentions don't really matter. Now he finds himself at the center of a conflict between gods, heralded as the savior of the world, and possibly doomed to die for it.

As he struggles to find his way in a world of lost aliens and chimeric creatures, Jason must put it all on the line if he ever hopes to return FROM A FAR LAND.

First one definitely better than the 2nd!

Blah, I HATE writing a pitch.

~Rob

Thanks for the feedback and suggestions! I appreciate you taking the time to look it over.

Robert, I hate 'em too. Imagine my surprise when, during the time I was originally looking for an agent, I found one that considered synopses to be evil! (I hate those worse than pitches and queries.)

I would agree with you... but then I decided it would be hilarious to write a set of book review queries ENTIRELY IN VERSE. That was an introduction, a bio, a book synopsis, and an afterword... and suddenly creating pitches doesn't seem so daunting.

Although I hate to give anything away about my book... I want the reader to get the sense of full impact of the lines and feel the mystery building properly... ah well.

Ok, here is my attempt at a pitch... be gentle :)


Since the dawn of time, under the eternal watch of the twin moons - Quantari and Santari, the powerful Kay’taari have watched over the world of Kil’Tar. With the aid of Dragonkind, the Kay’taari have defied Demonkind, fighting countless wars to banish the malevolent creatures within the Voids.

With the Nexus Gates sealed, Kil’Tar has languished in an era of peace: the Kay’taari have vanished, and the Dragons abandoned the short-lived races. With few who remember the threat of old, and even fewer with the power to prevent a return of the Unlife, Kil’Tar has but one hope when the Seals locking the portals begin to break…

Armed with a mysterious sword he discovers in a cavern, Valdieron must battle Ashar’an Assassins, racial prejudices, personal loss and his own self-doubts, on a journey that takes him from the snow-capped ranges of his homeland to the populous cities of the realms. In search of the discarded pieces of the artifact used to create the seals, Valdieron finds friends when least expected, and enemies at every turn.

Raised as the simple son of a Horse breeder, can Valdieron accept his legacy and defend Kil’Tar, or will he forsake it to Demonic destruction?

Here's the general pattern I try to follow when writing something like this. Think of it like seducing your reader into bed.


Impact statement about the main character! Name him/her and make either an extraordinarily big or hilariously small statement about what they want. (ie "Ezra Hawkins is going to change the world." or "Vash the Stampede just wanted a donut, damn it.") The idea is to grab someone's attention and make them interrested enough to read the next line, so feel free to tear that shirt off and flash some cleavage.

Explain the impact statement! Whatever you just said probably needs some context, so back off from the strong statements and explain a little about the world you created. You already have the reader's attention, so you can take your time slipping out of those pants.

Main conflict/dramatic turnabout! Hit the reader with something you built up to in the previous statement. Introduce "the terrible thing" or make your character a bit more real. Intrigue the reader with your ideas. That's right, dirty talk and satin sheets.

Dramatic finish with a hook! End big, use a well-structured statement to drive home the idea that stuff is gonna go down and they really don't want to miss it (I'm partial to some parallel structure, but use what works for you). Remember, this just foreplay, so saunter out of the room with style and toss that lacey bra back for them to drool over.


Hope you enjoyed Sky's completely inappropriate metaphor for pitching your book.

Thank you for the advice, Sky.

Version 1.1 :)

Valdieron never expected to have to save the world of Kil’Tar. Sure, like all kids he had dreamed of being a hero, but when Trolls attack his village, killing family and friends and forcing him to flee into the mountains, events are set into motion whereby the fate of the land rests upon his shoulders.


Since the dawn of time, under the eternal watch of the twin moons - Quantari and Santari, the powerful Kay’taari have watched over the world of Kil’Tar. With the aid of Dragonkind, the Kay’taari have defied Demonkind, fighting countless wars to banish the malevolent creatures within the Voids.

With the Nexus Gates sealed, Kil’Tar has languished in an era of peace: the Kay’taari have vanished, and the Dragons abandoned the short-lived races. With few who remember the threat of old, and even fewer with the power to prevent a return of the Unlife, Kil’Tar has but one hope when the Seals locking the portals begin to break…

Armed with a mysterious sword he discovers in a cavern, Valdieron must battle Ashar’an Assassins, racial prejudices, personal loss and his own self-doubts, on a journey that takes him from the snow-capped ranges of his homeland to the populous cities of the realms. In search of the discarded pieces of the artifact used to create the seals, Valdieron finds friends when least expected, and enemies at every turn.
Raised as the simple son of a Horse breeder, can Valdieron accept his legacy and defend Kil’Tar, or will he forsake it to Demonic destruction?


Created as a tribute to fantasy authors of the 80’s and 90’s, 'Demon Gates' is a 150,000 word epic fantasy, which begins ‘The Nexus Wars Saga’.

I definitely like version 1.1 better! Starting out with Valdieron's dilemma really punches up the urgency.
I went ahead and entered mine. Can't do any worse than last year, lol. :-)

Have entered also *fingers crossed*.

Good luck G. David, Sky, Big-J and all others who have entered!

~Rob