THE Group for Authors! discussion

1. A PhD. No, I don't mean a degree for myself. I need to own an independently wealthy professor of English Literature to be my manservant/editor. I don't want to have to pay or feed him, so I guess I better include a set of shackles.

2. A Kindle Fire. I had a Kindle Touch until this morning, when it went the way of all material wealth -- my wife stole it.

3. Someone to write query letters for me. Just to clarify this request...someone who can write GOOD query letters.

4. 2000 friends on Facebook, from whom I might beg some 5-star reviews and who, because they are True Friends, buy one of the books and write said 5-star anyway.

5. A better pen name - something line "Clark Higgins" or "Ransom Jones" or "Allen C. Pope". My real name is so BLAH!

Jon Etheredge

M.R. wrote: "All I need is 3 things. S, D, and R and R... OK 5 things, a lawyer and a bondsman too. Ha Ha 8-)"

That took me a while to figure out. You're a shameful human being! I mean that in a nice way.

Jon Etheredge

Don't need the first one since I'm working on that myself.

Hannah, I briefly considered you for the position of Shackled Tenured Manservant/Editor but She-Whose-Voice-Must-Be-Obeyed threatened my physical welfare. Sorry.

I'm flattered, but my stalker alert system just turned red. I should also note that I am currently working on my bachelor so I wont be a phd prof until 2018 at my phd graduation. I'll keep you in my stalker folded though for the future. Just in case that woman leaves you by yourself for a moment leaving you weak to your own will and subconscious. Plus someone has beated you to it. I'm already shackled to my work. I'm a third of the way down with my debute manuscript.

Jon wrote: "1. A PhD. No, I don't mean a degree for myself. I need to own an independently wealthy professor of English Literature to be my manservant/editor. I don't want to have to pay or feed him, so I ..."

I need all but perhaps the last.

Will duct tape suffice in the place of shackles?

My experience in holding PhDs against their will is, regretfully, limited. However, I have met many postgraduate students who turned in duct tape as their dissertations and successfully defended them. This suggests an advanced familiarity with rip-proof adhesives which, when combined with the ability to put one's head between one's legs and kiss one's own cheeks, leads me to think the detainee might be able to gnaw through duct tape restraints, even with their hands secured behind their backs. I recommend nothing less than stainless steel.