R.A. Spratt > Quotes

“Nanny Piggins was very prudish about gambling because the Ringmaster had once bet that if he tampered with the trajectory of her cannon, he could blast her over the top of the Eiffel Tower. Of course Nanny Piggins had triumphantly sailed over the famous French landmark, but she was very cross to pass the Jules Verne restaurant at the top and not be able to stop for a slice of cake. She had been against gambling ever since.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Race to Power 8

“Wow, that’s impressive!” said Melanie.
“It looks like my head is exploding!” marvelled Ian.”
― R.A. Spratt, Bitter Enemies

“Was I doing something wrong?’ asked Friday.”
― R.A. Spratt, No Escape

“Maybe you held up the book defensively and they struck it first?’ said Sergeant Crowley. ‘No, Friday wouldn’t do that,’ said Melanie. ‘She’d be more likely to stick her head in front to protect the book.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“10. Remove your cookies from the oven, lay them out on a cooling rack and dust them with caster sugar for extra crunchiness. 11. Eat, enjoy and share with any law enforcement officer who is cross with you. PS. If you get into trouble as much as I do then it is wise to make up a double batch of dough, and keep half in the fridge as a standby. (Roll the spare dough into a log and wrap it up in cling wrap.) Then, if you find out the police are about to swoop, you can quickly get a batch in the oven before they kick in your door. With”
― R.A. Spratt, The Nanny Piggins Guide to Conquering Christmas

“Shut your cake-hole’.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan

“I need you to do that thing where you crawl along the floor sniffing things, then stand up and patronise everyone for five minutes before revealing who did it.”
― R.A. Spratt, Undercover

“that two”
― R.A. Spratt, Last Chance

“drench ed”
― R.A. Spratt, Bitter Enemies

“That is the extraordinary thing about shy people. They will often perform acts of supreme bravery and confidence just to get out of doing something that requires bravery and confidence.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and The Pursuit Of Justice

“The Young and the Irritable.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off

“Were you arresting Mr Fontana?’ asked Melanie. ‘No, why should I arrest him?’ asked Sergeant Crowley. ‘Oh, no reason,’ said Melanie. ‘But he did try to force me to do a star jump this morning, so I assume he’s capable of anything.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“The school had its own electron microscope. Three of them!’ ‘Okay, I’ll assume that’s a good thing,’ said Mrs Cannon. ‘Continue.”
― R.A. Spratt, Bitter Enemies

“Yes, I know, because schools are cruel, illogical and unfair. But the thing is – life is cruel, illogical and unfair. That is why the education system works so well. If schools and teachers did a good job and inspired children and made them enthusiastic about every subject, they would only be sadly disappointed when they got out into the real world. Better to disappoint them when they’re young. It is more important to learn to cope with disappointment than learn how to do long division.’ ‘You are a very wise pig, Miss Piggins,’ said the superintendent. ‘True,’ said Nanny Piggins.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan

“It was the inter-house golf championship yesterday,’ said Tom. ‘I’ll just nod and pretend I know what that is,”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“You don’t want to cut your nose off to spite your face.”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead

“You hit your head on a rock when you fainted,’ said Ian. ‘It was my fault. If I’d been more on the ball, I would have realised that was how you would react to the sight of blood and caught you.”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead

“you stop being such a fusspot.’ Nanny Piggins launched back in to her tale.”
― R.A. Spratt, Shockingly Good Stories

“can’t believe it,’ muttered Nanny Anne. ‘I’m going to be on Steel Chef. Mummy will be so proud.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off

“Hello Mrs Cannon,' said Melanie. 'Friday wants me to distract you so that she can get Parker to say something that isn't on his official scripts.'
'Really?' said Mrs Cannon. 'That sounds intriguing. Much more intriguing than this unspeakably boring polo match. Why don't you pretend to sprain your ankle, then I could pretend to be concerned?'
'Okay,' said Melanie. 'Does that mean I can lie down?'
'I wouldn't dream of trying to stop you,' said Mrs Cannon. 'I just wish I could do the same.'
'You could say you had a fainting spell,' suggested Melanie.
'What a good idea,' said Mrs Cannon. 'If you've got a sprained ankle and I have a fainting spell, then we can both have a nice rest on the grass.'
'The Headmaster can't complain about that,' said Melanie as they both made themselves comfortable.
'Of course not,' said Mrs Cannon. 'If he did I'd report him to my union.”
― R.A. Spratt, Big Trouble

“cog”
― R.A. Spratt, Last Chance

“The truancy officer had become well known at the Green house since Nanny Piggins had become their nanny. Nanny Piggins did not often pull the children out of school. But when she did, it was always for blatantly illegitimate reasons. Like the time she burst into Headmaster Pimplestock’s office at two o’clock in the afternoon insisting that the children had to come home instantly because their aunt had just died of spontaneous combustion. The headmaster dutifully sent for the children and packed them off with his heartfelt condolences. Then later that day, he saw Michael, Samantha, and Derrick on the television, cheering loudly at the horse races. Ever since then the truancy officer had been a regular visitor.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Adventures of Nanny Piggins

“First, there is the shortness of breath, then the ache in the legs, then the sharp pain of the stitch, the soreness of the feet, the discomfort of the joints, and the lactic acid burn in the thighs. Eventually, some of this subsides with the increase of dizziness, delirium and sweating.”
― R.A. Spratt, No Rules

“patsy”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Runaway Lion

“Its almost as if he's been hit on the dead with a cricket bat,' observed Samantha.
'It's worse then that,' said Nanny Piggins. 'When you hit someone on the head with a cricket bat, the sharp pain and the flowing blood let them know something is wrong. But then a man is dazzled by a beautiful woman, he doesn't realise he has gone temporarily insane. The opposite happens. He suddenly thinks he is the funniest, cleverest man ever to walk on earth. Really, when single men start dating they should all be locked up in lunatic asylums.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan

“Oh good, it’s the end of history class,’ said Melanie. ‘I didn’t get time to teach you anything,’ complained Miss Bertram. ‘Don’t worry, Miss Bertram,’ said Melanie. ‘We probably wouldn’t have listened anyway.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“That’s two wild goose chases in one day.’ ‘Shouldn’t it be geese chases then?’ asked Melanie.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“Paris”
― R.A. Spratt, Last Chance

“When”
― R.A. Spratt, No Rules

“Difficult things are almost never as difficult as they seem,’ explained Nanny Piggins, ‘except for sudoku. They’re impossible.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off