R.A. Spratt > Quotes

“Who needs money when you’ve got cake?”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and The Pursuit Of Justice

“don’t think this means that we like you, Barnes,’ said Trea. ‘I would be horrified if you did,’ said Friday.”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead

“It’s like when someone is standing on a ten-metre diving board and they’re too afraid to jump, so you have to push them.’ ‘I would never push someone standing on a ten-metre diving board, and neither would you,’ said Friday. ‘I know,’ said Melanie. ‘I’m much crueller in metaphors than I am in real life.”
― R.A. Spratt, No Escape

“You had to bring your ugly ex-girlfriend? As if this evening isn’t bad enough. Are you doing this to torment me?”
― R.A. Spratt, No Escape

“You should make sure you enjoy every last moment of high school then,” said Friday. “It is the last place where you’ll find someone scorned for caring about what they do and working hard to be good at it.”
― R.A. Spratt

“We don’t notice ceiling fans because they are so ubiquitous. It’s odd, really, because the blades are spinning in excess of forty kilometres per hour at such a short distance from our heads.’ ‘You stuck your head in a ceiling fan?’ asked Melanie.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“few equations”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“Twas the night before Christmas, so naturally Nanny Piggins was up on the roof Santa-proofing the house by fastening chicken wire over the chimney.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off

“PhD students are the academic world's version of indentured slaves. The only reason they get away with it is because the students all have Stockholm Syndrome, plus they're under the misapprehension that a PhD is actually worth something.”
― R.A. Spratt, Big Trouble

“Ian interrupted her. ‘Forget it, Barnes. You’re terrible at this stuff.’ Friday then entirely forgot whatever thoughts she had, because Ian took her by surprise when he wrapped her in a big hug. For one long second she felt warm and squeezed. He smelled of boy, which wasn’t as repellent as she had thought. Then he let go. Melanie was crying. ‘This is better than any Mexican soap opera our housekeeper Marta ever forced me to watch.’ The”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead

“never seen a more beautiful-looking pig.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Adventures of Nanny Piggins

“It must have been some sort of large pneumatic tool.’ ‘Is that a tool with pneumonia?’ asked Melanie.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“Have you ever considered seeing a psychiatrist?’ asked Mirabella, looking genuinely scared. Ian came over and studied Friday’s work. ‘I think Friday should be taken to the nurse,’ said Ian. ‘The knock to her head is more serious than we thought. If it’s made her capable of feeling human emotion, she may have suffered brain damage.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“Samantha,' said Nanny Piggins, 'make a note. We will have to give Samson a blood transfusion after afternoon tea.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Nanny Piggins Guide to Conquering Christmas

“Running is a deeply unpleasant sport at the best of times, but it is particularly awful when you’re bad at it. There is so much unpleasantness at once. First, there is the shortness of breath, then the ache in the legs, then the sharp pain of the stitch, the soreness of the feet, the discomfort of the joints, and the lactic acid burn in the thighs. Eventually, some of this subsides with the increase of dizziness, delirium and sweating.”
― R.A. Spratt, No Rules

“Ian is seriously handsome. It’s hard to believe someone so good-looking would do something so ugly.’ ‘I’m just asking you to wait”
― R.A. Spratt, No Rules

“I can’t believe it,’ muttered Nanny Anne. ‘I’m going to be on Steel Chef. Mummy will be so proud.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off

“worried”
― R.A. Spratt, No Escape

“Would you all just –’ began Mr Fontana. ‘Shut up,’ chanted the class in unison. ‘Yes,’ continued Mr Fontana.”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“Then there are her dishes,”
― R.A. Spratt, Under Suspicion

“What did you do?’ asked Ian. ‘Set up a casino in the basement?’ ‘Did you blow something up?’ asked Harvey curiously. ‘Like that time you blew up your pencil case.’ ‘I never blew up my pencil case,’ said Friday. ‘Ian imploded it.’ Ian smiled happily at the memory. ‘Good times.’ ‘Children, children,’ chided Mrs Cannon, clapping her hands to gain the class’s attention. ‘Have I taught you nothing?’ ‘Pretty much,’ said Ian.”
― R.A. Spratt, Bitter Enemies

“Friday”
― R.A. Spratt, The Plot Thickens

“Since she had become the Green’s nanny, Nanny Piggins had rung up the school saying that the children had smallpox, bigpox, cowpox, Mad Cow’s Disease, Bubonic Plague, ESP, athlete’s foot, athlete’s leg, athlete’s dishpan hands, malaria, diphtheria, foot and mouth disease, rickets and temporary blindness due to low blood chocolate levels.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off

“Just say the first thing that comes into your head,’ said Melanie. ‘Unless the first thing is “I’m a serial killer”, in which case say something different.”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead

“I got a job at NASA,’ explained Peter. ‘The Naughty Association for Sneaky Acrobats?’ asked Nanny Piggins.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and the Accidental Blast Off

“I absolutely refuse to let those people at the motor registry take my photograph. Their lighting set-up is terrible. They seem to take cruel delight in making everyone look like they’ve been dead for six months.”
― R.A. Spratt, Nanny Piggins and The Pursuit Of Justice

“could kiss you,’ said Ian. ‘Please do,’ said Melanie. ‘This is all very grim, and some romance would cheer me up.”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead

“chocolate”
― R.A. Spratt, The Adventures of Nanny Piggins

“Gluteus maximus,’ said Friday. She didn’t normally like to swear, but when circumstances made it impossible to avoid she preferred to do it in Latin.”
― R.A. Spratt, Danger Ahead