Alan Shayne's Blog

F you are planning a trip this fall for New England leaf season, You might drop by the Mattatuck Museum in Waterbury Connecticut, where a new exhibition of my work will be on display from September 21 and for several months afterwards. This is the invitation that has just gone out..

Norman tries to make light of this picture by calling it his "Chemo-chic" look. To read more, go to my blog below: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alan-shayne/a-charmed-life_b_3764150.html

Alan Shayne
A NEW LIFE FOR 'DOUBLE LIFE' A LOVE STORY
Norman Sunshine and I are thrilled that Open Road Media has bought our book. It became available yesterday as an E book on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Google etc. We're so happy that at the low price of E books, more people can see the value of gay relationships that are long lasting, loving, creative and that contribute to society, and, as the nineteenth century actress Mrs. Pat Campbell said, "don't frighten the horses."

HERE IS MY NEW BLOG ON HUFFINGTON POST ; A PLEA TO THE SUPREME COURT

FREE THE CHILDREN

I think the chances of the Justices ever seeing this article are one in nine million, which is the estimated number of gay people in the United States. But I feel compelled to write it because I’m afraid some of the most important reasons to endorse same-sex marriage will be overlooked. There is no question that the Fourteenth Amendment states that we all have equal protection under the law, so it will be hard to justify taxation that favors a man and woman who are married, but not two men or two women who are married. The Justices will thoroughly cover this issue as Edith Windsor is suing the United States for not honoring her marriage to Thea Spyer and so taxing her estate unfairly. They will also rule on Proposition 8 in California that has stopped same-sex marriage there. But my concern is that the true equality that same-sex people must have will be discussed only in a legal sense and that the emotional and psychological underpinnings that affect every gay will not be considered, as they should be.

When I heard that the Supreme Court was going to take up the two cases of same-sex marriage, I began to think about what their decision would mean to me and every gay person in America if they rule in favor of same-sex marriage. What would “equality” really mean to a gay person? As a start – and it is a life saving start – it will mean a safer, happier, more normal future for young gay men and women as they make their way into American society as equals.

When I grew up as a gay boy, I never felt like an equal to the other kids. The name-calling and abuse that I suffered would never have been as strong if gay people had had equality at that time in our country. In the 1930’s, a gay person was either a freak or a figure of fun. The average person had no idea what same-sex love was and if they did, it was based on hearing about Oscar Wilde and his infamous jury trial and conviction. There were no books for a teenager to read and nothing was ever mentioned in the newspapers. The movies made fun of homosexuals painting them as effeminate or campy. There were no role models for young gays and no counselors. You carefully guarded your secret. You couldn’t possibly speak about it to your parents or even to your friends. You learned to lower your voice and watch all your actions: walk without swaying too much, not use your hands more than necessary. You tried to put on a veneer of masculinity so no one would know. But there were still the taunts when you dropped the football or couldn’t run as fast as the others. Then, as you grew older, the realization that you could be put in prison if you were discovered. Police made extra money by threatening gay men with exposure and then letting them off for a price. The humiliation and hiding drove many to suicide - I only survived because I didn’t finally have the courage to jump out of the window. And then, later, the pain of being an adult listening to all the slurs and jokes about gays and being afraid to refute them lest you be discovered. In my case, as a young actor, I heard agents and casting people saying about other actors “don’t send him for that role, he’s queer,” so I had to hide even more.

I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I dated women, had affairs with them, lived with an actress for five years, even married to fit into society, and then went into years of analysis to get “cured”, but I wasn’t being true to myself. There were many gay men who married and had children and yet continued relationships with other men, when they could sneak away from the office for a few hours. I always thought how sad that was because their wives were not getting the love they had been promised and the husbands had to deal with their guilt.

As time went on, the repression of gays burst open and exploded in public parades that said finally, ”Look at us, we’re here.” By that time I had found a man I loved and would live with for fifty years although we hid for many of them. Today we are married as are many others who live in nine states and the District of Columbia. Look how far we’ve come. Isn’t that enough? No.What about the gay people who live in the other states? They can’t be married and none of us, married or not, has equal rights and equal taxes that are the same as other married people.

But what concerns me most are the gay children growing up, the teens beginning to feel their sexuality, the young adults who don’t believe they can have a happy life with someone of the same sex (which has driven some of them to suicide), the older gays who’ve never had a meaningful relationship because they don’t believe it is possible in our country. All these people need to know that being born gay is right, that it is as much a part of life as being born with blue eyes or brown hair. But this can only happen when our federal government has heeded the Constitution and endorsed same-sex marriage. It’s not just about taxes and marriage licenses and allowing gays to adopt, although those issues must be addressed and approved. It is about young people and their feeling of belonging. We are horrified at the slaughter of the children in Newtown. This was a madman and at least he is now dead and can do no more harm. We must nurture and protect our children. We are killing many of the gay ones who are still being forced to grow up feeling that they are lepers from another age. Only through gays being equal and a part of American life can these children be free to be themselves.

As a result of our book, "Double Life," we have been invited to speak at a "Lunch and Learning" event at the Kravis Center of the Performing Arts this Monday, February 11 at noon.
We will be interviewed by the amazingly insightful Lee Wolf. They have also done a 15 minute video about us and the book that will precede our talk. If any of our friends are in the Palm Beach area, there are still a few tickets available and of course we would love to see a familiar face, other than each others.


Cover Photos

MAINE, MARYLAND, MINNESOTA and WASHINGTON:
YOUR VOTE, OUR LIVES

Norman came into my bedroom and sat down in the wing chair by the fireplace. “Something’s wrong with me,” he said. “”I tried to dial the phone and I couldn’t figure out the numbers. I don’t feel right.” He spoke very slowly and with some difficulty. His voice was a monotone, lacking its usual energy. “I think something has happened to me. I better go to the hospital.” I rushed to the phone and dialed 911. When I described the symptoms, the man told me to lay Norman on his side, if he started to throw up, and that the ambulance was on its way. I called our doctor and his nurse said he would make arrangements immediately at the hospital.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity. Norman sat looking visibly frightened as i talked to him saying I knew he was all right and it wasn’t serious. I asked him his name, who I was, banal questions all of which he answered correctly but with his now slow, loose lipped speech. Finally some men and one woman burst into the room, having come in through the other part of the house. They immediately took over and one man asked Norman his name and his age to which Norman answered correctly. He had trouble with “Who is the president of the United States?” but at that point I knew he was getting even more frightened and couldn’t concentrate. I suggested they bring the stretcher around the house and into the sun porch door that was just outside my bedroom. “Who are you?” the man asked. “A friend,” I said. “What is your relationship to him?” “I live with him,” I replied.

Norman and I had been together more than fifty years and even been married in Massachusetts eight years before, but I still couldn’t say the words “He’s my husband” or even “spouse” to these people who were helping us. I instinctively felt that these men, and the woman, would be shocked. They were rough townspeople and I was afraid they might not help us if they knew our relationship. They quickly got Norman, who was barely able to walk, to the stretcher when it arrived and took him off to the hospital. I went after them in our car and by the time I reached the emergency room, Norman was hooked up to an IV and seemed to be resting more comfortably.
I had to fill out papers for Norman and when it came to the question as to whether he was married or single, I checked “single.”

We live in Connecticut where marriage between two men is legal and yet I couldn’t say it or write it. Having grown up at a time when love of one man for another was either a crime or an aberration, it still wasn’t easy for me to say it out loud to strangers. Norman and I had written a book about our life together but it was as if that book was separate from us. As freely and openly as I wrote my part of the book, once it was finished, I wasn’t concerned with what people would say when they read it. But now I was confronted with not being able, in an emergency, to make clear what our relationship was. It’s true that everyone treated me as the care giver so it wasn’t necessary to spell it out. I’m sure that if there had been a decision to be made I would have said that we were married and I had the right to speak for Norman. But I began to think, as I waited for Norman to have his tests, all of which came out well, that this was a great example of why we must have marriage recognized for gay people throughout the country. Of course there must be equality of marriage as well as everything else in a country that stands for equality. But there is something that is just as important: we must have the emotional security to be who we are openly with everyone. Without marriage, we will still be an outside group that is not a full part of society. To be gay should just be a description like brown eyes, blond hair, Latino, Italian, Jewish or Christian. Only through the legal right to marry can LGBT people be recognized as just another piece of the great puzzle that is America.

Norman is now completely well.

TO THE FOUR MILLION LGBT PEOPLE IN THE UNITED STATES:

WE’RE TWO MEN WHO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER AS A COUPLE FOR OVER FIFTY YEARS. WE REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE GAY MEN AND WOMEN WERE CONSIDERED EITHER SICK OR CRIMINAL. IN THOSE DAYS WE HAD TO HIDE FROM THE WORLD FOR FEAR OF LOSING OUR JOBS, BEING OUSTED FROM THE SERVICE, BEING RIDICULED, OR WORSE, BEATEN UP AND THEN DENIED ANY SAY IN OUR PARTNER’S HOSPITALIZATION. NOW WE’RE ON THE VERGE OF REACHING EQUALITY AND THE RIGHTS THAT MARRIAGE CAN BRING TO ALL COMMITTED COUPLES. IF YOU LONG FOR THE GOOD OLD DAYS, VOTE FOR ROMNEY AND RYAN.

ALAN SHAYNE
NORMAN SUNSHINE

If you want to save $1400 (which we paid for dinner for four people) read my blog on Huffington Post about Eleven Madison Park
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alan-shayne/you-gotta-get-a-gimmick_b_1908288.html


You Gotta Get a Gimmick?
www.huffingtonpost.com
Please, Eleven Madison Park, forget the card tricks, the egg creams, the picnic baskets and the gifts of granola and just go back to the great food you were serving a short time ago.

HOW I WAS ALMOST A MOVIE STAR

Recently, sitting on the terrace of our local inn, having lunch with some friends, one of them casually mentioned that he’d seen me in a television film on You Tube. “You mean the video that Norman Sunshine and I did for our book “Double Life?”” I asked.

“No,” he replied, “you were acting - you killed someone. I didn’t see all of it; I couldn’t. I had to go to an appointment.”

“That’s impossible,” I said. “I haven’t acted on television for years and everything I did was on kinescope. Was it a kinescope?”

“No,” he said, “it was a film. And I also saw a scene with your wife.”

“I don’t think so,” I said, “I don’t remember anything like that.”

“Well just go to You Tube and put in “Alan Shayne” - the show was something like “Follow That Man.”

I couldn’t wait to get to my computer and when I clicked on “Follow That Man,” which was indeed the name of the television show, on came an episode with a man being killed and then there I was with a knife, stabbing my father. I had seen that the date it was made was 1952 and I felt as if a specter, holding my past in his hands, was reaching out of the grave to me. “Look at yourself,” he seemed to say. “This is what you were then.”

For a moment I thought, I don’t want to see it. I must look awful and the acting may be terrible. Why go into it? But, of course the film was running and I couldn’t turn it off. Then, actually, as I watched, I thought I was pretty good. It was early television, the script was banal, Ralph Bellamy was the private eye and I had the lead. Gradually it came back to me that I had done a couple of filmed shows, rare in those early days, and this was one of them. I got more and more engrossed as the half hour drama unfolded and, although the photography was primitive, I thought I looked O.K.. But when I saw myself turn away, at one point, the angle did something to my nose on the screen that made me flash back to 1952 and my big moment when I almost became a movie star:

My agent had called me excitedly one morning to say that Mrs. Samuel Goldwyn had seen me in a television film of Hawthorne’s “The Marble Faun” and told her husband that I was going to be a big movie star. He was on his way to New York and wanted to meet me for his new movie “Hans Christian Anderson” that was to star Danny Kaye.. I could barely breathe. He was the most important producer in Hollywood. After I wrote down the time and the name of his hotel, I hung up and started to shake. It was all going to come true - all my dreams and the hard work. But what if he didn’t like me? How would I behave with him? He was so famous. I worried and thought of nothing else until the days had passed and the meeting was finally to take place. Going up in the elevator to Sam Goldwyn’s suite was an ordeal. I had shaved and showered and put on my best suit. It was a little heavy for such a warm day and it made me perspire, but I kept trying to remain calm. Mr. Goldwyn answered the door himself and instead of the big, cigar-smoking mogul I had expected, there was a warm, smiling man with startling blue eyes. He couldn’t have been more welcoming. He sat me down, talked of how talented he had heard I was and how much his wife had liked me. He described the movie and I relaxed as I felt he was acting as if I already had the role. At one point he mentioned that his wife had said that I wore tights in the television show and thought I must have been a dancer. He went on to say he needed an actor, of course, and was sorry that he couldn’t use a dancer. I went berserk. Suddenly the world I had dreamed of split apart. “I’m not a dancer,’ I heard myself yelling at him. “I’m not a dancer. I’m an actor. That was the costume they put me into because I was the faun. I mean I was like a faun and they thought a faun should wear tights. I mean not a real faun but a person who everyone thinks is like a faun. I’m not a dancer. I’ve had some classes and I can move but I’m an actor.” All the calm I had practiced went out the window. I couldn’t stop babbling until Mr. Goldwyn reached over and patted my hand.

“That’s fine,” he said. “I’ve sent for the kinescope and I’m sure you’re as good as my wife said you were. Thank you so much for coming to see me.”

His eyes were so comforting and friendly but I felt that I’d behaved ridiculously. There was nothing I could say except, “Goodbye.”

Several days later the agent called to say Mr. Goldwyn had liked me very much in the television show but I would have to play opposite Danny Kaye in the movie and he had felt that my nose, though a very good one, was as big as Danny’s and he couldn’t have two big noses in the film. He later used his contract player Farley Granger.

And that’s what I saw on You Tube as the character I was playing turned away: a nose that, though straight and perfectly all right, just got too big at certain angles. Of course that was before the days of Streisand. But after all these years,I knew why I hadn’t become a movie star.

I watched the end of the program and saw myself lying dead at the foot of the stairs. Well, I thought, if I had gone to Hollywood at that time, I might have been spoiled by success, adulation, sex, drugs and thinking I was better than everyone else . My nose had really been my talisman. It had kept me away from Hollywood until I was mature enough and could cope with it all. My nose helped me become the President of Warner Brothers Television, and more importantly, it kept me in New York until I could meet Norman and begin our “Double Life” together.

LAMBDA LITERARY HAS JUST GIVEN "DOUBLE LIFE" A RAVE!

Please click on the link below and read the most insightful review to date of our book, "DOUBLE LIFE" A love story from Broadway to Hollywood. Poet /Critic, Christopher Soden really got it right and we thank him so much.The book is still gaining momentum, and that it is appearing in Lambda Literary Review, a top prestigious journal, is a great tribute to it's staying power. We had hoped the book, would make a difference--that our life story would touch a chord among readers: young gays, their parents, anyone, gay or straight in relationship or searching for one.This November, four states are voting on SAME SEX MARRIAGE. We hope our book will be read by some of those voters sitting on the fence, and that they will see a positive picture of a same sex relationship--productive, creative, decent and successful.

We all must do everything we can to bring about full equality in our country.

Alan Shayne and Norman Sunshine

http://www.lambdaliterary.org/reviews/08/21/double-life-a-love-story-from-broadway-to-hollywood-by-alan-shayne-and-norman-sunshine/