Elizabeth Gilbert's Blog, page 20

BOOK OF THE DAY:

SISTER GOLDEN HAIR, by Darcey Steinke.

Dear Ones —

Here's a novel that I love…which just came out in print TODAY.

HOORAY!

The author, Darcey Steinke, is an old friend of mine. (Longtime followers of this page may recall that I have many times recommended her spiritual memoir EASTER EVERYWHERE — a book that I also deeply adore and admire.)

Darcey has written a really wonderful, haunting, emotionally-accurate, richly-crafted novel here. It's about a 12 year-old girl in 1972, who is struggling to come of age at freaky and unsettled moment in American culture (when the country was suffering a hangover from the 1960s, and seemed a bit lost and confused and distracted — just like every adult in this story.)

If you click on the link below, you'll see an interview I did with Darcey about her inspiration for this novel. I think the book is really incredible, and I've been waiting eagerly for this day to arrive, so I can finally recommend it to you!

Just one more piece of personal background…just to let you know what Darcey means to me, I will say this: I wrote EAT PRAY LOVE to her. I have a practice, before I begin writing any book, to decide specifically who it is for. I think it's important that books be written to people — to one person, actually — in order to bring out the most intimate voice of the writer. The question I have to ask myself with each new project is, "Who am I talking to here?" Each one of my books has been written to a different person. It's a very important decision to make, because the way you feel about that person will completely determine the voice and tone of the book you write, since you are essentially speaking directly to that one reader. Darcey was the one person I was speaking to in every word of EPL — a friend I love, a writer I admire, a deeply passionate spiritual seeker. EAT PRAY LOVE is basically a letter I wrote just for her.

So…that's who SHE is! A rather important figure in my life, to be sure!

And SISTER GOLDEN HAIR is, I can say with delight, my book of the day!

http://bit.ly/1rsQqQj

Happy Reading,
LG

Sister Golden Hair
http://www.darceysteinke.com
When Jesse’s family moves to Roanoke, Virginia, in the summer of 1972, she’s twelve years old and already mindful of the schism between innocence and femininity, the gap between childhood and the world of adults. Her father, a former pastor, cycles through spiritual disciplines as quickly as he cycl…

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A friend of this page sent me this yesterday…I love it, of course!

In fact, with the exception of perhaps switching around the order of "kick ass" and "be kind", I think it's just about the best morning message there could be.

RISE AND SHINE, all you kind and beautiful ass-kickers!

LG

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WHO IS IN CHARGE OF YOU?

Those of you who watched my interview yesterday on Super Soul Sunday heard me say this to Oprah about my own life — that things didn't start changing for me until I took 100% accountability for the care of my own soul. Which is to say — 100% accountability for my own life.

This doesn't mean becoming an island. One of the ways that I take responsibility for my soul is to surround myself with loving and caring people, and to reach out when I need help to the right people, the most honorable people, the most wise people. If I am the steward of this life (my own) then I must often seek assistance from those who can be of aid and comfort to me as I am trying to shape my own journey.

But ultimately, other people can only help me; they cannot save me.

My state of mind, my state of being, is entirely my own responsibility.

I spoke yesterday about the awful old question, "Who am I going to blame my life on today?" — a question which I still facetiously ask myself at times, when I find myself slipping into blame and resentment. Like: "Come on, Liz, seriously? You're still looking for somebody to pin your life on? Who is responsible for your soul? Are you seriously still putting that responsibility in somebody else's hands?"

Yes, people disappoint you. Yes, people can hurt you horribly. Yes, the world is unfair and sometimes cruel — but that has always been part of the contract. (It's not even in the small print: It's pretty much the bold print headline of the contract.) The world never pretended or promised anyone that it would not sometimes be terribly unfair and cruel (or at least that it would not sometimes be utterly incomprehensible.)

Still: Who is charge of YOU?

This is the question that drove me on my Eat Pray Love journey, and it is the question that drives me still. I ask myself this question every single day of my life, and the answer is always the same:

I am in charge of me.

What other choice is there? Sure, there are other choices, but they are all pretty terrible, and they all end in weakness and in tears.

You may have also heard me say yesterday, "No happiness without self-accontabilty."

I have never met a happy person who did not hold themselves 100% accountable for their own self.

Because that is where your dignity will be found.

When I slip on my self-accountabilty, the results are always the same: Sorrow, anger, resentment, blame, bitterness, retribution, chaos, self-pity, helplessness, conflict, shame.

So I ask myself over and over again in those messy situations: Who is in charge of YOU, Liz?

And somewhere deep inside, the best and wisest part of me always rises up and says, "I am."

Thank God.

Onward,
LG

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Five minutes till Super Soul Sunday, everyone!

See you there for Part 2 of my interview with Oprah!

(You can watch it on OWN-TV, or you can LIVESTREAM it right here: http://ift.tt/1lqTLPW)

I'll be live tweeting from my Twitter handle: http://ift.tt/1cJMtUe

And I'll try to respond to your comments here, too!

MULTI-TASKING THE SOCIAL MEDIA TODAY, DEAR ONES!

LG

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RISE, RISE, RISE!

Dear Ones —

The second part of my Super Soul Sunday interview will be airing today at 11am EST on OWN-TV (or LIVESTREAMING on Oprah.com, and on the Super Soul Sunday Facebook page.)

See you there! (And I will be live-tweeting along with Oprah herself, using #supersoulsunday, from my Twitter account, which is

Lastly, if anyone missed Part 1 of the interview, and wants to watch, here is the full episode, from last week:

Elizabeth Gilbert - The Official Website | ElizabethGilbert.com.

THE VOICE OF GRACE.

Dear Ones –

Here's the thing about our heads: They are sometimes madhouses filled with crazy, wild, competing voices.

We each spend our lives dealing with the imaginary internal family of identities that constitute "The Self".

We each have brave parts of ourselves, and terrified parts, and ashamed parts, and stubborn parts, and hopeful parts, and cynical parts, and ambitious parts, and self-destructive parts…and all of them have a voice. (And all of them USE that voice.)

Sometimes those voices fight. They fight for dominance over each other, and they fight for definition of The Self. It becomes a screaming match. Sometimes it's like a riot in the monkey house at the zoo up in there.

There came a time in my life when I looked at the insane internal monkey house that was my mind, and I asked, "Who's in charge here, anyhow?"

It didn't seem like anyone was in charge.

To be sure, there was a louder, bossier, more self-hating and self-judging voice within me who seemed to THINK she was in charge…or that she should be. This was the voice of supreme self-judgment. This is the voice that said, "Goddamn it, Liz — you have to do better. This is unacceptable behavior. Why can't you get your shit together? Why are you such a loser? Can't you see how much you're screwing up your life? AND ALL OF YOU OTHER CRAZY MONKEYS NEED TO SHUT UP AND LET ME TAKE CONTROL!!!!"

That voice had so much authority, because in a way she was right. (I did, without a doubt, need to get my shit together…right? And the crazy monkeys did need to shut up…right?)

So for years I thought that voice was my highest self and I listened to her…when in fact she was nothing but my high-and-mightiest self — and she did more harm to me than any of the other voices combined.

Because the problem with that voice is that she's aggressive, demanding, unforgiving, uncompassionate, and often cruel. She didn't make me a better person. She didn't fill me with light. She just made me feel more horrible about myself. And in that sense of shame and self-horror, darker impulses within me could always take over.

She made my life WORSE — darker and worse.

But in the course of my healing — through travel, prayer, meditation, therapy, self-kindness — I found an even higher voice within me.

That voice never says anything but, "You are loved."

That's the voice that's in charge of me now — above all the chaos and doubt.

That voice is Grace. Only when I found that voice within me, life began to improve. Only then, could I make the changes I needed to make, without beating myself half to death — without all the self-punishment and shame. Because that voice makes all the crazy monkeys (even the most aggressive and domineering one) lay down and go to sleep.

Because here's the only thing the crazy monkeys in the madhouse want to know: AM I LOVED?

What I want to tell you today is this: YES.

You are loved. Entirely. Even the dumbest parts of you — totally loved.

Because Grace ONLY ever says, "You are loved."

Any other voice you ever hear inside your head (especially the voice that is telling you what a failure and loser you are, and how you REALLY NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER)… that is not Grace.

A judgmental attack of any manner (upon you, or upon anyone else, or from anyone else) will never be Grace.

I was so happy to get to speak about this last weekend on Super Soul Sunday…and if you like you can watch the full episode here, if you like:

Elizabeth Gilbert - The Official Website | ElizabethGilbert.com.

This is the cutest 43 second video! Oh, how I love that Oprah Winfrey….SHE has "the most goodest" energy in the world.

Quiet on the set! and Oprah are headed to the stage…..

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SOUL MATES!

Dear Ones — Here's a clip from my upcoming Super Soul Sunday appearance with Oprah, talking about my opinion on the subject of "soul mates" — their attractions and their misconceptions….hope you enjoy!

Tune in to watch the whole interview (Part 2) this Sunday at 11am on OWN-TV, or LIVESTREAMING worldwide on Oprah.com, or on the Super Soul Sunday Facebook page.

And I'll be live-tweeting the broadcast (along with Oprah herself) from my twitter handle, @GilbertLiz.

SEE YOU THERE!

LG

, beautiful description of what a soul mate REALLY is. Super Soulers, don’t miss part 2 of our convo this Sunday!

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MALALA!

In honor of the news that Malala Yousafzai has won the Nobel Prize for Peace (!!!) I wanted to repost this essay I wrote last March, after having watched her father, Ziauddin speak at the 2014 TED conference.

What an incredible family, and what beautiful news this is today.

Talk about freakin' Girl Power!

Anyhow, here goes:

March 18 2014
"UNLEARN THE LESSON OF OBEDIENCE."

Last night at the TED conference, I wept openly while listening to Ziauddin Yousafzai speak about his daughter, Malala.

You have have heard of Malala Yousafzai. She is the brave young Pakistani girl who was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman for speaking up on behalf of education for girls.

Her father began his extraordinary speech by saying that in tribal and patriarchal societies, a man is known by his sons. "But I am one of the few fathers who is known by my daughter," he said. "And I am proud of that."

He spoke about how, in rural Pakistan, when a girl is born, it is never cause for celebration, but rather shame. As she grows up, she is taught only one virtue: Obedience.

Yousafzai refused to follow suit. He celebrated his daughter from the day she was born, and wrote her name in the family tree — a 300 year-old document that had never mentioned a female. He put Malala in school — not only so that she could know her own potential through education, but also for the mere political defiance of writing his daughter's name on an enrollment form, thus signaling her very existence as a human being. (He had never seen the names of any of his 5 sisters on any document whatsoever; they simply did not exist within their own country.)

And most of all he said, "I taught her to unlearn the lesson of obedience."

Which was such a shocking transgression that a Taliban gunman shot her for it. (I always think it's particularly telling that she was shot in the head — shot in the MIND. Anything to shut down that female brain.)

She survived, famously, and still fights for education for girls. (She spoke last night to us from a video feed — she couldn't come to the conference because she's in SCHOOL — and she dazzled.)

This girl is extraordinary; this father is extraordinary.

He finished his speech by saying that people always ask him what he did to make Malala into such a strong warrior. He says it's not what he did; it's what he DIDN'T do: "I didn't clip her wings."

I was so honored and emotional to be there last night to hear this, and wanted to share it with you all.

Unlearn your obedience, women.

Teach your girls to unlearn their obedience.

Never clip their wings.

And let a star shine in the crown of this father, and all parents, who guide their daughters to grow strong.

Onward,
LG

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FRIDAY HOUSEKEEPING!

Dear Ones –

We get a lot of new people joining this Facebook page every day (thank you for joining our little community, new folks!) so once a week, I try to give everyone all the information they might want, about other places on the Internet to find me.

So let’s run down the list:

My website is http://ift.tt/1tJzIxR

You can follow me on Instagram (which I just started because some 14-year-olds told me to) at:

http://ift.tt/1tJzIO7

You can follow me on Pinterest (that addictive crack house, whose vortex I try not to tumble down too often because it’s a gorgeous suckhole) at: Elizabeth Gilbert - The Official Website | ElizabethGilbert.com.