Mandy Smith's Blog - Posts Tagged "secret-keeping"

Here’s why we must stop viewing abused girls as “bad” girls.

A recent Facebook post from a man berating his girlfriends’ 14 year-old daughter–calling her “ungrateful, entitled, belligerent, defiant, rebellious, etc.–implored an immediate response from me; however, I held back. My claws were out too far, my heart pounded too violently, and the cuss words I’d splattered across the screen of my computer needed cleaning up. By the time I had composed a well-thought-out response, the post was gone. I assumed the guy’s girlfriend had given him his own well-deserved flogging (and hopefully kicked his butt to the curb).

Why did this Facebook post trigger such a response from me? In my memoir I was the same age as that girl being dressed-down publicly. When my personality changed from a seemingly happy-go-lucky girl to a scowl-faced runaway, my parents told people I’d become a “wild child.” It benefited them both to have people believe I was a bad seed. Better to cover up what was really behind my rebelliousness.

The following is an excerpt from an excellent op-ed on the importance of recognizing that ‘acting out’ behaviors are often a cry for help:

“In our society, there is a deep underlying presence of age-old social gender role expectations. Girls should be “sugar and spice and everything nice.” The consequence for not meeting those gender role expectations is to be labeled for life “a bad girl” and have your trauma criminalized.

This label stops them from asking for help or speaking the truth. It stops them from standing up for themselves, using their oh so powerful voice and letting their light shine. Why? Because deep inside they are internalizing this “bad girl” image and something tells them it might be true. And the way that our societal systems are organized reinforces that it is indeed true.”

Read more http://jjie.org/op-ed-step-1-stop-see...