Debora Harding

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Debora Harding spent her childhood in the midwest prairie states of Nebraska and Iowa. At the age of nineteen she dropped out of university to work for Senator Gary Hart’s presidential campaign, before relocating to Washington DC to run an environmental non-profit. Fed up with politics, she cycled across America where she met her English husband, author Thomas Harding. She then joined him in the UK and worked at an award-winning video production company that focused on the counter-culture protest movement in Europe. Later, she co-founded the UK’s first local television station in Oxford and gave birth to two children, Kadian and Sam. Wanting the children to enjoy the great outdoors, the family moved back to the USA, and Debora trained as a ...more

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Debora Harding I began writing the book several years after the catastrophic loss of my fourteen-year-old son Kadian in a sudden bicycle accident. You might say it b…moreI began writing the book several years after the catastrophic loss of my fourteen-year-old son Kadian in a sudden bicycle accident. You might say it became imperative to my survival, that I separate the existential questions left from the trauma of my childhood -- from the task of learning to cope with the sudden tragedy of having lost my gorgeous son. I barely survived being murdered at the age of fourteen. On top of my grief at Kadian being suddenly taken from us, the paradox of losing him at the same age seemed cruel.

When I started writing again -- my brain, my emotional compass, none of it worked the way it once did. I literally had to learn how to put sentences together again. In addition, I had spent two years in heavy grief and was re-emerging into the world at a time where the political landscape was rapidly changing, when a network of social safety, which had been established in a progressive political era where decency and care and concern for your fellow citizen was a kind of presumed starting point, was being destroyed. It felt familiar, like the dysfunctional and threatening environment I had grown up in. Donald Trump and my mother are very similar in personality. And watching the dismissal of assaults on women as irrelevant, was mortifying.

I returned to thinking about the issues of mental illness and violence that complicated the long-term aftermath of the crime. This wasn’t my first attempt at writing about it. But it was the first time it felt important to look at the forces that came into play with a wider lens. I had to get to a place of total irreverence for my past pain to find my true voice and what I felt to be a storytelling structure that could encompass the social and political conflicts that played themselves out, not only in my journey but in my parents journey, and that of my attacker Mr K (Mr K for kidnapper). The question of what enables a person to inflict devastating acts of violence on others seems as pertinent as ever. And the devastating increase of domestic violence cases we’ve seen in the Coronavirus lock down, only make it more urgent.(less)
Average rating: 3.94 · 3,514 ratings · 411 reviews · 1 distinct workSimilar authors
Dancing with the Octopus: T...

3.94 avg rating — 3,514 ratings — published 2020 — 10 editions
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What inspired you to write the book?

I began writing the book several years after the catastrophic loss of my fourteen-year-old son Kadian in a sudden bicycle accident. You might say it became imperative to my survival, that I separate the existential questions left from the trauma of my childhood -- from the task of learning to cope with the Read more of this blog post »
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Published on May 18, 2020 02:49 Tags: forgiveness, kidnapping, memoir, midwest, ptsd, true-crime, violence
States of Denial:...
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Quotes by Debora Harding  (?)
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“the antidote to anxiety is not logic; the antidote to anxiety is noting it and letting it pass.”
Debora Harding, Dancing with the Octopus: A Memoir of a Crime

“Fate doesn’t arrive with a personal name, but we make our fates personal by our response to life’s most challenging events”
Debora Harding, Dancing with the Octopus: The Telling of a True Crime

“When empathy is not in the wiring, medication can’t help. She might be able to calibrate her behavior, but it doesn’t mean she has changed. And there’s nothing you’ve shared that suggests she is interested in facing the truth that would allow you to reconcile your relationship in an honest way.”
Debora Harding, Dancing with the Octopus: A Memoir of a Crime

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“In an ever-changing, incomprehensible world the masses had reached the point where they would, at the same time, believe everything and nothing, think that everything was possible and that nothing was true. ... Mass propaganda discovered that its audience was ready at all times to believe the worst, no matter how absurd, and did not particularly object to being deceived because it held every statement to be a lie anyhow. The totalitarian mass leaders based their propaganda on the correct psychological assumption that, under such conditions, one could make people believe the most fantastic statements one day, and trust that if the next day they were given irrefutable proof of their falsehood, they would take refuge in cynicism; instead of deserting the leaders who had lied to them, they would protest that they had known all along that the statement was a lie and would admire the leaders for their superior tactical cleverness.”
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