Jessica Shepherd's Blog, page 13

Listen right now and you will hear channels, astrologers, teachers who closely track energetic shifts on the planet all saying something similar. The language is different around “what” exactly is occurring, depending on who is doing the talking, but most agree that we are in a period of energetic adjustment and rapid change.

Astrologers call this eclipse season. Twice a year, with more or less intensity depending on the nature of the eclipse(s), for a period of 6- 8 weeks (a new moon eclipse is followed by a full moon eclipse two weeks later, preceded by a 4-6 week build up period). Imagine a bell curve with sloping acceleration and peak times. This is a period of accelerated awareness and change. Big leaps can be made in our consciousness. Because of “as within, so without”, we may receive big news and/or make big changes in our lives around this time- especially if the eclipse aspects our natal chart.

Through years of observation, I’ve noticed anxiety is higher at this time. There is more uncertainty in the collective when such change/shifts occur. Patterns and habits get kicked up a notch when we are ready to see and move beyond them. We come up against our resistance, walls, defenses, illusions, old habits… in order to release them. News, awareness, revelations, insights are revealed because we are finally ready to deal with what is. We are ready to step more fully into the Truth. There is a (normal) tendency to perceive the intensity of this period as a sign we are stuck or moving back into old habits a) because we can see them and b) because it feels intense. It IS intense. Keeping all this in mind can help.

Grounding

Energetically, eclipses are challenging. My very first astrology teacher, Stephanie Austin, impressed upon her students the importance of meditation and time spent in nature during eclipse times. Over the years this has never steered me wrong. When the energy feels different from what we’re used to, staying grounded, and in our own energy field, is vital.

How does ungrounded feel? I find that it feels floaty, I am more in my thoughts/head than normal, more easily confused, forgetful, or spacey, and my thoughts jump around with no clear anchor or direction. From that place: it is easy to make decisions that I’m truly not aligned with, I am vulnerable to picking up the external energies of other people, and it’s very easy to pursue and get caught up in a line of thinking that gets me nowhere fast.

What I love about grounding? Grounding always brings me back to reality. Here are some grounding tips.

Ground yourself with an energy practice. Here is a grounding technique:

Put your feet on the ground. Set the intention to ground.
Invite and allow Mother Earth to ground you.
Allow your thoughts to be there but don’t pursue them.
Wait for it. Then wait a little longer than you think you need. Wait for the sensation of energy to move through you. You might feel warm energy pool around your seat, thighs, and lower legs, feet especially. A fullness of energy, of coming back into your seat of power, into your energetic body and connection with physical earth.
Sit with this for a few minutes. Allow the Ego to get used to this present and calm feeling.

Physical activities in nature can be extremely grounding. Activities like going to the beach, swimming, hiking, being in the garden. Spending time with pets and animals is also very grounding.

Your food choices can help you ground. Whole foods are grounding. Chips, snack, sugary processed foods are not. Ancient astrologers suggested consuming solar foods during solar eclipses (oranges, lemons, all citrus; foods resembling the Sun) and lunar foods during lunar eclipses. Lunar foods are those that grow underground, buried and in the dark, like root vegetables, and foods that resemble the Moon (onions, potato, watery/juicy foods- like apples).

Tune into your own body. It’s always on trend to think things like green drinks and wheatgrass juice is healthy. Of course greens are so healthy, but sometimes even they can be too energetically “light”. Maybe brown rice feels grounding.

Finally, this is a time to pull inward and rely on your own inner guidance. This morning, while deciding whether a second cup of coffee was good for me (since I’ve been experiencing a little irritation in a certain area), I breathed into my yoni first and felt her fill with energetic presence. Then I asked the question. That’s the answer I trusted (which was different from the first answer, when I had been in my head and not connected to my energy body). To connect with your feminine wisdom on any issue, use this technique of pulling into your own yoni (or what you prefer to call her).

You may find it’s very easy right now to be in this spinning mental energy of ungrounded-ness that feels like cotton candy- insubstantial. That’s a red alert, or check engine, light. It’s time to pull your energy within and ground!

 

 

 

 

A few weeks ago, we moved into a new house; the first house I’ve ever owned. Yes, my name is on the title. Crazy. A homeowner? In Hawaii? How interesting that this a part of “the Plan”! My intention has only always been to listen inward for a sense of rightness, and be guided from that place. The result is often surprising, as I’ve learned to not be attached to the form things take, but the sense of alignment, the way I feel in my energy body.

Because conditioning about home and family is so strong, our ideas about them are often rooted in a paradigm of lack. We are conditioned to think that Home, both as geographical location and a close-knit group of people, will give us the mythical connection, love, belonging we long for but never had.  Belonging. The motherlode. Because in an idyllic “home”, you belong. You will not feel alienated, alone, different, apart from the rest. Wink, wink

When they found Amanda Eller, who had been missing in the Maui forest for over two weeks, it was a big story, here. Not just for her rescue and ordeal, but her spiritual perspective. It’s rare, in media, to hear someone frame something so difficult as a “spiritual experience,” one in which she felt she was being divinely guided, actually, to get lost.

In her initial press conference, she said she relied on “a strong sense of internal guidance” to lead her back to her car – but instead it led her further away, deeper into the jungle. Self described as an over-preparer who takes her cell phone everywhere, “but for some reason on that day I did not. That’s why I believe it was part of my spiritual journey.”

Destiny to forget her cell phone? For intuition to lead her in the opposite direction of safety?

I found this fascinating …and deeply authentic. True to living a Soul-centered life. The Soul is on a journey. The Soul trusts that whatever is happening is exactly what’s meant to be happening.

This runs counter to what the Ego believes. In Ego, there is a “supposed to be…” My life is supposed to look like this. My career is supposed to look like this. My enlightenment is supposed to look like this. My relationship life is supposed to look like this. My hike in the rainforest was supposed to last a few hours (apparently not, replies the Soul). Because this is coming from a place of lack and untruth, the untruth of “supposed to” always generates a lot of fear.

The Ego doesn’t like not knowing what’s happening next… But that’s where the Soul makes itself felt.

“Not knowing” teaches us so much about being deeply present and accepting of what is. Amanda said, at one point she had to wake up, be present, and realize that her every step had consequences. “…If I misstep, I twisted my knee, I cut myself. It’s like one step closer to not being alive.” She had to shrug off a victim mentality. “The thing that kept coming up over and over was that this is not punishment. This is your destiny, this is your journey. This is your path”

Hopelessly lost or finally found? Divinely guided, or led astray? Crazy? Or, how f’in cool is that?!

Ultimately, the only person that answer matters to is her. We get to choose our own narrative. Of every single experience we have. People have opinions, often very different from ours. Culture, media, “entertainment” shoves crap down our throats all the time. We don’t get to control a lot of things in life but we can choose our perspective, our point of view. We get to write our story.  As I told a fellow writer and client this week: It is our right to be Right.

In a world of diverse information, narratives, opinions — how do we cut through the noise, to know what is True for us?

Gemini New Moon Energy Practice: Feel, Don’t Think

Gemini is the sign of contradictions, duality, mind, of mental chatter and story. Mind is brilliant in its ability to generate and solve problems. It allows us to communicate the full range of our imagination. There’s also no quicker way to become ungrounded, fearful and confused than to attend its drama, love for distraction and fiction. It’s like: blah, blah, drama, drama, problem, problem, fear, ooh, doubt, more doubt, drama, blah, blah, blah. Exhausting!

To add, Neptune is square this Moon. The mind is being challenged to integrate intuition, soul consciousness, feeling.

There’s a Buddhist parable that says you don’t want to be in a bad neighborhood at night with your mind. When you’re lost in a dark place late at night, who can you trust? Not mind. I’d add to that– or others’ minds, either

Things aren’t always what they seem. People aren’t always who they appear to be.

It doesn’t take a Scorpio Full Moon to realize, but there’s something about this particularly dramatic and emotionally intense Moon that brings the invisible, what is unconscious or lives in darkness, into the light.

We’d talked before, and she seemed nice enough, but as I was making polite conversation I could feel my face tighten up, my smile become forced, the “mask” of my social persona very distinctly. I also felt suffocated. I felt like I might not be able to breathe very soon. I wanted to run. Now. Fast. I couldn’t get away from her fast enough.

All of it was intuitive information.

What was happening? I raced home as soon as I was able. When I laid down and went inside myself I knew I was having a strong reaction to her energy. It was beyond needy. Engulfing. Suffocating. False. What my physical senses registered, a friendly, nice person who wanted to be my friend, was incongruent with what my energy body felt. AWFUL.

Even though I knew this, I felt guilty for wanting to run away.  She seemed soooo nice. Yet lots of people “seem nice” and aren’t. This was Beautiful Evil Queen energy. Let me be your friend, let me show you how wonderful I can be to you, and then I will drain your life force so that I can live. Have a sweet red apple, dear…Oh, are you feeling sleepy?

It was bad. How do I know it was that bad? I felt that bad.

In the presence of that kind of energy, who wouldn’t want to run as fast as they can? Yet I couldn’t shake this incongruence between who she appeared to be, which manifested in a bout of severe nausea, reflecting the cognitive dissonance between what I saw and what I felt. I am in a phase of deep learning, learning to trust what I feel -the energy- above all else. And what I was feeling was very real, more real than what my five senses told me.

I don’t believe in evil. I do, however, know that what feels inherently false and self-serving feels pretty evil on an energetic level. We can’t avoid these kind of interactions, and the fact that we do certainly does not reflect our level of enlightenment. This is a diverse world. There are wounded people with strange motives who wear masks so they can function. We all have social masks that are quite different from who we are. We create them to survive childhood  (in astrology, those social mask of our outward personality is described by the Ascendant). When the mask of personality is so different from the reality…  it can be incredibly confusing. When who a person appears to be isn’t at all who they are.

Which makes learning to trust not what we see but what we feel an invaluable intuitive practice.

Scorpio Full Moon Intuitive Energy Practice: Dig Deeper

It is Scorpio Full Moon time, time for you to dig a little deeper. To look beyond what your five physical senses tell you, and pay closer attention to what your psychic senses are saying. I was receiving extrasensory information, its purpose was to protect me.  It helped me to recognize a psychic boundary. Had I not listened to the energy, I might’ve been lured into a black widow’s web. I’ve experienced those kind of relationships before – not fun.

Here’s the practice: Take a moment this week, when you are interacting with someone – especially if you have a strong feeling reaction to them – to observe on a deeper level. What are you feeling? After the interaction, how did/do you feel?

Take some time to interpret the information using your intuition. Try to refrain from interpreting that what you’re feeling as about you. The temptation, almost always, is to judge our self for what we feel, or think “it must be me” instead of reading the energy. Then we miss the opportunity to honor the intuitive information we are receiving.

Ask yourself: what information am I receiving about this situation or person that may not be obvious, or different from what’s being shown me?

You may notice an image or thought arise out of the blue. Or a sensation, desire, feeling or energy arise. It won’t come from your head– so get out of your head when you do this. This is psychic information.

This goes WAYYY beyond reading another’s body language, facial expressions or the words they are using- all of which can be unreliable and false – and instead asks you to rely on what you feel.

Why is this helpful? Your feelings are your truth-meter. They are an excellent form of Divine Guidance.

People say things all the time that may not feel true to you, because they aren’t. People wear expressions that are subject to misinterpretation. Angry can look like a lot like sad, for instance. Someone being and looking “too tired” can actually be avoidance, or anger. Distraction is a modern condition many people are afflicted with…but no matter how good others can get at multi-tasking while looking like they’re paying attention, when you are present and connected, it is easy to pick up on other’s distraction, which can feel like avoidance or disconnection.

For instance, when talking to my husband and he says “I’m listening,” and even looks like it (!), I can tell when he’s not.

You want to teach yourself to read the Truth, as only you can see it, with a capital T.

Get good at trusting what you intuitively receive, over what you are being told by another, or can see with your eyes. Get really good at this and you will have an intuitive superpower that will reliably protect and guide you!

 

 

 

 

 

This past week has been a week of simplification. I had several clients who presented issues they’ve been struggling with for some time. Habits they needed to change, wanted to change, but the emotional elaboration on those made them nearly irrecognisable as just that: a bad habit.

Really, the only “bad” thing about bad habits is that they compromise one’s happiness, which feels bad.

The reminders to view something we are struggling with, as simply a habit, made me recognize how easy it is to make things overly complex when our emotions, minds and external energies get involved.

A habit is a neutral thing. Then we overlay it with self-judgment. Other people’s opinions. Shame. Guilt. Suddenly something totally within our ability to address and change becomes impossible!

A habit of self-sacrifice takes on an overly complex life of its own when we load it up with the energy of “maybe I’m codependent.” A habit of going to social media when we feel bad, (which only makes us feel even worse) is compounded when we think the legitimate emotional consequence -feeling so much worse than we did five minutes ago- means we should feel anything other than shitty. Then we judge our self for feeling that way.

Then there’s that complex thing we call “karma”, which we translate as some big overpowering destiny type thing that is outside of our control. In the spiritual community, there is a tendency to think something difficult is happening to us because of karma. Like: It must be my karma to attract narcissists! No, it’s your habit to let people walk all over you. Will I always attract narcissists? Try making yourself the center of your universe…and see. Karma is just a habit. Habits can be changed. Viewing “my karma” through the lens of habit can be clarifying and empowering.

Taurus is the sign of keep it simple, sweetheart. Taurus surely coined that cute phrase. Here’s the prescription for a life well-lived, courtesy of Taurus: Get some sunshine every day. Shove some healthy whole food down your mouth, at least occasionally. When you get all wrapped up in your head, or tangled up in your emotions, take a break. Go for a walk. Cook. Eat. Or go to the beach, or watch a movie. Rest. When we see a child with a tantrum coming on, we know they are tired and a nap will cure the passing mood. This is literally animal logic. Truly. Animals are not complex, and neither is the human organism.

We are all looking for happiness in our life, a simple request, really, which can seem so hard to attain. When we reframe a behavior that is moving us further away from happiness, as just a habit, we move from complexity into simplicity. We stop doing the behavior, and do something else, something more pleasurable, instead.

As Chinese philosopher Confuscius said: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.

Taurus Intuitive Energy Practice

We are in the middle of Taurus season.  Which means there is absolutely no reason to get all in a muddle (unless it’s a cuddle muddle, because Taurus just loves hugs). Cuteness aside, Taurus New Moon is the perfect time to get back into your pleasure-loving animal body. Are you living in and feeding all of your senses — or are you stuck in your head? Are you even in your body? It’s a serious question.

When I asked one of my clients what she could do instead of the habit that was making her unhappy, she replied, you know how it goes, I’m so in my head… So I suggested she get out of her head.

The next time you are in your head, decide to get out of your head and into your body. Instead of doing –fixing, solving, thinking, processing or any permutation of those things — focus on being. What would feel pleasurable and good, to your body senses, right now? Gentle yoga? A hot bath? A hike? Ice cream?

(Many a form of emotional hell can be ameliorated if not altogether eliminated by chocolate ice cream).

Witness how making the decision to be in your body, not doing in your head, changes everything.

Being present and in the body can shift us into the awareness that we are okay, good. Striving is one of my habits, and it just doesn’t work with energy practices. The more I strive for enlightenment, the further I get from it. I decided to go for a hike in the rainforest, instead… where I intentionally focused on simply being. No thought, just physical sensation. Voila. Energy cleared, negative emotional state evaporated.

Save the complexity for the upcoming Scorpio Full Moon. For now, keep it simple, sweetheart.

 

I was walking around Whole Foods, not feeling my best. Frankly, I was having a mediocre day. I was still energetically recovering from a toxic exchange several days ago. I had been feeling so much better, so good, and that’s when I stepped in it. In my feel good high, I had mistaken myself for invincible (I am GODDESS! I can handle anything!) and stepped over a firm boundary with someone. Boundaries are exactly like our protective skin. Once we violate a boundary, we open ourselves up to all kinds of sludge.

My energy practices for the morning seemed to all point to pulling back into my energy field.

Earlier that morning, my guitar teacher synchronously drove the point home when she talked about how musical artists need to listen to other artists to get good. I mentioned that when we do that we may risk being influenced by them (which is why some of my author friends do not read others’ books).  We can pick up on others’ voice, ideas, only to discover them appearing in our own work.

“Maybe it comes down to pulling your energy back, and living your own life,” she replied. Touche.

While I had an excellent morning playing with songwriting, now in Whole Foods I wasn’t. I wanted to feel excellent! A pretty, bubbly woman near the meat counter exuded the energy I wanted to have. As I shuffled down the aisle, my songwriting success began to wane. I started feeling bad.

It took me a second comparison to yet another person to connect the dots…

Aha. I wanted my experience of myself to be different than what it was.  Have you ever noticed that happening for you? When you feel funky or off-center, the temptation is to compare yourself to others.

There was nothing wrong with how I was feeling. It was just okay, kind of funky, less than stellar. Until I judged myself, my experience, as lacking. That’s when things started feeling real bad.

The minute I decided I was in lack was the minute my energy took a nosedive.

The minute I judged my experience should be different than what it was, I felt really awful.

Hear this: It wasn’t the true fact that I felt funky/weird/off my game that made me feel bad. It was the untruth of self-judgment/non-acceptance that invited “feeling bad”. 

We are used to thinking that if we had this or that external thing we would be happier, feel better, be more awesome or amazing. It is not lack of anything that causes us suffering. It is the thought of lack, the idea that we lack anything, which is untrue. The minute we believe that something in our life is not adequate– love, happiness, confidence, money, our self, whatever- we begin to suffer.

Yet we will have moments where we want something else, something more- something other than this.

The human journey guarantees we will not always feel great. To me, the question becomes how do we embrace our humanity during these moments, in the most loving way? How can we accept what is — without making any part of our self, or our life, wrong in the process?

This is a delicate art. It often involves undoing the habit of self-shame most of us have inherited from our human family, the misperception we are inadequate. This is insidious. It extends far beyond familial conditioning and into culture. So many people walk around believing their self or their life to be inherently wrong in a fundamental way. How do we know this? Because, like a firehose, just look how shame spews criticism and judgment from different corners, telling you what you should or shouldn’t be doing, what is right and what is wrong. Failure, success. Bad, good. Judge, judge. Which we internalize. What to do?

It begins with meeting our human experience with honesty and compassionate understanding.

I just wanted to feel better than I did…and I could understand that.

I had a rough couple of days… I could give myself that.

I had the desire to feel awesome in the Whole Foods…I could adjust that expectation for today.

I also know that I am not my feelings… I AM. I AM. I AM.

Oooh…

I could feel my energy pulling back into my core, myself. I asked for Mother Earth to ground me. I could feel my stems, my legs, connected to the Earth. I felt the energy rise from deep within, travel up my spine, my heart, my crown. I envisioned myself as a strong, elegant, tall bird of paradise.

I could feel the Rockstar Goddess stir within. She wanted my embrace and acknowledgment. She wanted me to remember: You are amazing. You are awesome. Just look at how you got through that toxic exchange on Sunday. It may be Wednesday and you’re still feeling the effects of it, yet overall you are feeling so much better than you were. You’re doing fantastic work.

This is how we bridge the gap. We offer our raw humanity our honest understanding. Then we remember that we are not our feelings or experience. We are so. much. more.

Libra Full Moon Intuitive Practice: The Self Acceptance Panacea

Libra is the art of inhabiting the middle way. Feeling amazing? Don’t get too extreme that you forget you have a backbone and boundaries to honor, Libra advises. Feeling good can be like spun sugar; we let it make us high and take us out of our body. Feeling bad? Are you judging your experience?, Libra asks. When we learn to live without labels or judgment, we discover that all is good. We are actually okay.

Thus, balance, centering, a peaceful sense of harmony is achieved. The ultimate Libra victory.

This practice is best done on a two or three, not a five, star day, so yay for mediocre days! Notice your lower baseline energy for this day, and offer yourself some compassion and tenderness. Maybe you feel like crawling into a hole. Or maybe it’s not that rough…but you just don’t feel like yourself.

The practice is this: wanting nothing in your life to be different than what it actually is.

This is not a mantra or meditation, but connecting with deep self-acceptance that you can energetically feel in your belly. Sit with the feeling “I do not need or want anything in my life to be different than what it is. I AM enough.” Feel this drop into your energy body. Give it a minute or two. You will (hopefully) feel a subtle shift — maybe more tenderness towards yourself, or perhaps you exhale a little more deeply.

Hello, Goddess! You have just remembered your innate Divinity.

Self-acceptance is a panacea – a cure all. Panacea was also the name of a Greek Goddess, the Goddess of universal remedy, and her name means “all-healing”. Panacea was a goddess of healing.

Take some time to play with this.

For today, remember: the minute you decide you do not want to be having the experience you are having, you are in murky water…and already feeling bad. This includes making comparisons to others. When you notice this, return to your practice of wanting nothing to be different than what it actually is.

“Be more selfish”

“Be the boss”

“Inform, don’t negotiate”

“Own your feminine strength”

I love telling this to clients. Particularly those with an overdeveloped sense of compassion, obligation and sensitivity toward others. I get it. I understand what it means to live with putting others first, both how beautiful it makes you, and how it warps your life. This is my wheelhouse. Not because I’m good at it but because I have to work at it every day of mine.

The above statements above may roll off my tongue with sass and gusto, but they are prescriptive medicine. I also know my audience. “Be more selfish” is medicine for one, and poison for another.

Some get it, others just won’t. Others will think you are plenty selfish (just look at how much freedom/time/opportunity you have!) but those people do not understand what it means to energetically, emotionally put others first… because assuming you are just like them is to their benefit. They get to keep relating to you from their limited viewpoint, and you get to keep serving them!

For some of us, “be more selfish” is so much easier said than done.

For those of us who want to be caring toward others first and foremost not hurt other people’s feelings, put others wants, needs and desires above our own, “be more selfish” is a pretty terrifying request. If this is you, keep reading. We think: If we stop deferring… asking others what they want and instead just decide what we want… if we stop living life by committee, stop asking everyone their opinion and consult our inner manager instead…if we put our foot down, say No, and disappoint another’s expectations or feelings…what will happen then? Terror! Maybe they won’t love us anymore. Maybe they will leave us. (my fight or flight mechanism has practically kicked in through simply writing these words)

Granted, if someone will leave us for any of the above reasons, they are not our people. Try telling that to the inner 5 year-old who believes that love is conditional and earned.

Yet being more selfish is also the key to our healing. Giving our self 100% permission to be first and last authority in our own life is something which, if we could actually claim with total honesty on our death bed, the Angels would pronounce our life a raging success –a smashing victory!

Aries New Moon suggests the time is right for being more selfish.  At its best, Aries energy is clear, direct and honest. No bullshit. This is what I want, need, desire…this is what I AM about. It’s not personal. I’m simply going to inform you. No, this is not up for negotiation. It’s not about you, it’s about ME, ME, ME. And I’m not going to apologize for it. (so, don’t go there, Libra!)

As an Aries Moon born, my single most empowering go-to question is “what do I need/want?” I apply it liberally to many different situations, from an argument that has suddenly taken a sharp left turn (wait, a second, I ask myself, what do I need, here?) to the decision about how to plan my day. “What do I want/need?” always brings me back to ME…and I have left ME alone far more often than I like.

In its shadow manifestation, Aries is argumentative, defensive and gets in its own way. In my experience, the best way to become argumentative, defensive and get in your own way is to ignore your true wants, needs and desires. Chiron is transiting Aries. This is about the habit of self-abandonment. The habit of thinking we need to put our self last, not first. Core wound stuff. Wound to selfhood stuff.

So maybe this post is not for everyone. It is a shout out for those who have given so much, and claimed little. For those who know the pain of self-betrayal too well. For those who have confused being true to one’s authentic self with being uncaring. For those who know guilt. So. much. guilt.

Bring your energy back to you. You have compromised yourself long enough.

Aries New Moon Practice: Pull Your Energy Back

Ever notice how feeling anxious about standing up for your self (aka being selfish) can derail you at the worst possible moment? Right when we want to feel strong, fear makes us vulnerable: that we’ll disappoint another, they’ll argue with, disagree with us, they’ll get hurt feelings, or that their shame will come up, they’ll turn it into an argument about them, etc. etc. etc. etc. And because fear attracts what we most fear, that’s exactly what happens: We are suddenly engaging their hurt feelings… end up arguing… and it all goes sideways. We have essentially attracted what we least wanted to happen. We might even end up avoiding the topic altogether and compromise our self for another, thus betraying our self.

And the cycle continues.

This practice can radically change the way you are able to hold your energy during hot or intense moments. And in my experience, how you hold your energy- your seat of power- makes all the difference between getting your needs and wants met, or devolving into an argument you never intended to have. Try it before you have a big “talk,” you need to be decisive, or otherwise in your power.

Sit in a comfortable spot with your feet on the ground. Ground by sending energy through the cords of your feet down into the moist, cool Mother Earth. Imagine your energy has a signature color. It is a glowing, iridescent, vibrant color that you identify with and is all yours. No one else has this same color.

Now, imagine calling your energy back into your solar plexus and sacrum. Imagine watching the bloom of a chrysanthemum firework, but in reverse — streams of your colorful light are returning to you, to your core, like a pinwheel moving inward toward your center. As streams of light return to you, your seat of power grows, glows and vibrates outward. Allow your light to take up as much space as you like.

You will feel restored in yourself, more in your seat, more present. You will feel a little more energized, clearer. Clarity. Inner integrity. Presence. Imagine the clarity and calm surety of the Sun. That’s Aries.

Now, instead of taking a defensive or protective posture, you will have all your energy with you so you can meet whatever comes your way and know that YOU are always the bigger force!

Pluto, Saturn and the South Node are all traveling very close together in the sign of Capricorn right now – and through the month of April. Peak times of intensity are around April 12th & 30th, though it is happening throughout the month, and has been at play during the month of March, too.

This morning, after reading my mentor Steven Forrest’s piece about the impact of this transiting nodal configuration on the collective, I asked myself my usual question: how can we work with this in our charts and lives? Individually, we respond to and create the shared field. Capricorn South Node’s involvement indicates that it’s time to release- to lose– some sticky, toxic stuff. How can we lighten our own load?

If, on a macro level we are dealing with abuses of power and authority, on a micro level we are having our own inner reckoning with the “power player” “controlling dictator” “fear monger” “petty tyrant” “authority abuser” “the overly responsible one” or “impoverished orphan” within. On a micro level, somewhere, perhaps in the very innermost corners of our lives and minds, this character lives and breathes.

For instance, how does it feel to be held hostage by a tyrant? Pretty awful. A tyrant’s tools are guilt, shame and a need to control others (out of fear). It barks unfriendly orders. It tears others, or itself, down. It insists that you are always wrong, and they are always right. It uses force. It creates drama, to distract from Truth. It insists you conform to external “reality”…and tells you there is only one reality. As if!

It’s astounding how many of us carry this internalized voice, inside. A critical parent can do this. Or an absent one. The child self thinks “if only I were more perfect” they would love me/be here, etc.

Yet the jig is up. Transits are like smooth water washing over ancient stones, wearing this conditioning down. Saturn transits inform us that we’ve matured and outgrown some behavior/belief/situation, and Pluto requires our honesty. And so with this configuration, it is time to take a hard, honest look and ask ourselves: Who is giving the orders around here? Who is insensitively and unfeelingly demanding that I be or do or believe this thing when the more authentic choice is something else entirely?

…Is our ancient fear of rejection and abandonment ordering us to conform to others’ wishes and desires instead of listen to what our true self, our Soul, wants and needs?

…Is our ancient fear of rejection and abandonment ordering others to conform to us?

…Is our shame, that if only we were more perfect then we would’ve gotten the love we needed, creating this vortex of feeling we can never get it right, or be loved, no matter what?

…Is our guilt –the feeling that if only we hadn’t disappointed another’s expectations, were more perfect, we wouldn’t be in this mess – keeping us stuck in a bad situation or relationship?

…Is our sense of responsibility keeping us obligated to a situation or person that is no longer for us?

…Are we believing that we are a failure in manifesting our “life mission” or “calling” (Capricorn) instead of seeing that our entire life – living our life, as it is, with presence and acceptance – IS our calling?

…What is it for you?  Where is your particular aloneness and terror appearing?   Where is fear, feelings of lack or impoverishment, inadequacy, a need to control dominating your consciousness?

…Look to 23 degrees Capricorn in your chart, and any planets you have at 22-23 degrees, for clues.

There is only one thing to do here: offer our self acceptance, understanding, forgiveness, kindness.

No matter how harsh it (we) acts towards our self, the “tyrant within”… is actually our pain. 

Pluto always asks us to take a brutally honest look at what we don’t want to face. Ultimately, Pluto requires that we change our perception to move ahead. Core misperceptions that we have about our self and life.  Perception is tricky. Habits of thinking shape our perception. It can be hard to see that our perception is shaping our reality. We are too busy thinking our thoughts are “real”.

Except, they’re not.

Mother Goddess Medicine

Here’s where tender feelings come into play. What confuses the inner tormentor most of all? Tears. Heart. Sensitivity. Gentleness. Tenderness. Acceptance. Vulnerability. Have you ever felt at the end of your rope, fallen apart, cried big fat elephant tears, and discovered that you could go on?

Or maybe you sat with someone who simply held space for you, and the answers appeared.

I’m speaking to the Cancer energies, which are a remedy for too much shadowy Capricorn.

Commit to gentleness. Commit to self-kindness. Commit to feeling it, no matter how icky.

In Evolutionary Astrology, we learn that the North Node holds medicine for the South Node dilemma. Cancer North Node is the cosmic medicine required to shift this configuration, within and without.

Try it, but don’t expect the dictator to understand your open, soft, heart. The inner tyrant is befuddled and bewildered by all this Cancer stuff. Yes! This is what we want. Confuse the mind! Throw a monkey wrench into the mental patterning you replay in your thinking, over and over, by committing to living in your Heart. Feel your feelings. Befriend yourself. Cry for what you lost. Cry for what you never had. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Forgive others, even if they don’t deserve it (but you do).

Regard your capacity to feel deeply as a strength — even when it hurts and sucks and you hate feeling this way. Use your own heart-centeredness to shift the energies into a lighter vibration.

There is great healing available here through facing your stuck and wounded parts and loving yourself, anyway. Imagine Cancer North Node as a warm, loving cosmic mother who has the unlimited ability to simply… love you. A prayer for this time might be: “Help me to fully accept and love myself as you do, Divine Mother.” Wherever I am, however I feel, no matter what. Love. Love. Love.

April is an intense month, and we’re barely there yet.  I find myself grinding my teeth with relish, lately; I don’t think this is a coincidence.  If you’re experiencing symptoms involving teeth, sexual reproductive organs, colon/digestion, and tension headaches during April, it’s all indicated by these energies.

So be extra EXTRA gentle with yourself. Look within with more honesty than ever, but don’t get stuck on what you find there. You are good, you are kind, you are perfect, you are whole. You are love.

If you want to befuddle a tyrant, don’t argue with them (it will never work). Accept and love them as they are. Truly. Now go do this with yourself. When you feel guilt, shame, stuck, despairing. Love your self.

… And remember, the parts make the whole. If we can liberate our self from that unkind, sadistic and un-feeling tormentor within, aren’t we doing our part for the good of all?

Pluto, Saturn and the South Node are all traveling very close together in the sign of Capricorn right now – and through the month of April. Peak times of intensity are around April 12th & 30th, though it is happening throughout the month, and has been at play during the month of March, too.

This morning, after reading my mentor Steven Forrest’s piece about the impact of this transiting nodal configuration on the collective, I asked myself my usual question: how can we work with this in our charts and lives? Individually, we respond to and create the shared field. Capricorn South Node’s involvement indicates that it’s time to release- to lose– some sticky, toxic stuff. How can we lighten our own load?

If, on a macro level we are dealing with abuses of power and authority, on a micro level we are each having our own inner reckoning with the “power player” “controlling dictator” “fear monger” “petty tyrant” “authority abuser” or “impoverished orphan” within. On a micro level, somewhere, perhaps in the very innermost and innocent corners of our lives and minds, this character lives and breathes.

How does this manifest? Maybe in our career ambitions- we start to see what it’s costing us, interpersonally. Or fear and paralysis we experience when we think of taking a life step that we have to take but know will be disruptive. Or a parent’s voice, someone who criticized and demeaned, a voice that was internalized. It might be the impoverished orphan, who never got the attention and love she needed from mom and dad, so now makes herself the center of attention through drama and crises.

How does it feel to be held hostage by a tyrant? Pretty awful. A tyrant’s empathic range is nil. A tyrant uses guilt, shame and a need to control others (out of fear) to stay in power. It barks unfriendly orders. It tears others, or tears itself, down. It insists that you are always wrong, and they are always right. It creates lots of drama, to distract from Truth. It insists you conform to external “reality”. As if!

To move through this energy with maximum ease and grace, it may be important to realize that it’s not anyone’s fault that the dictator, tyrant, controller, impoverished orphan has taken up residence in a dark, unconscious corner inside of our self. Casting blame, persecution, shaming are tools of the dictator– so please don’t do that!  In my experience, the harder the energies, the lighter the touch required.

No matter how harsh it (we) acts, the “tyrant”… is actually our pain. Unfelt, unprocessed, afraid.

As you psychically engage these energies, please ask your practical and wise adult self to step in and help you out with what you discover. Saturn transits always inform us that we’ve matured and outgrown some behavior/belief/situation, and so with this configuration, it is time to take a hard, honest look and ask ourselves: Who is giving the orders around here? Who is insensitively demanding that I be or do or believe this thing, when the more authentic choice is something else entirely?

…Is our ancient fear of rejection and abandonment ordering us to conform to others’ wishes and desires instead of listen to what our true self, our Soul, wants and needs?

…Is our ancient fear of rejection and abandonment ordering others to conform to us?

…Is our shame, that if only we were more perfect then we would’ve gotten the love we needed, creating this vortex of feeling we can never get it right, or be loved, no matter what?

…Is our guilt –the feeling that if only we hadn’t disappointed another’s expectations, we wouldn’t be in this mess – keeping us stuck in a bad situation or relationship?

…Are we believing that we are a failure in manifesting our “life mission” or “calling” (Capricorn) instead of seeing that our entire life – living our life, as it is, with presence and acceptance – IS our calling?

…What is it for you?  Where is aloneness and terror appearing?   Where is fear, feelings of lack and a need to control dominating your consciousness? Where is your dementor of doom? 

Look to 23 degrees Capricorn in your chart, and any planets you have at 22-23 degrees, for clues.

Pluto always asks us to take a brutally honest look at what we don’t want to face in our selves.

Ultimately, Pluto requires that we change our perception to move ahead. Core misperceptions that we have about our self and life.  Perception is tricky. Habits of thinking shape our perception. It can be hard to see that our perception is shaping our reality. We are too busy thinking our thoughts are “real”.

Except, they’re not.

Here’s where tender feelings come into play. What confuses the inner tormentor most of all? Tears. Heart. Sensitivity. Gentleness. Tenderness. Acceptance. Vulnerability. Have you ever felt at the end of your rope, fallen apart, cried big fat elephant tears, and discovered that you could go on?

Or maybe you sat with someone who simply held space for you, and the answers appeared.

I’m speaking to the Cancer energies, which are a remedy for too much Capricorn.

Commit to gentleness. Commit to self-kindness. Commit to feeling it, no matter how icky.

In Evolutionary Astrology, we learn that the North Node holds medicine for the South Node dilemma. Cancer North Node is the cosmic medicine required to shift this configuration, within and without.

Don’t expect the dictator to understand you- living in your open, soft, heart. The inner tyrant is befuddled and bewildered by all this Cancer stuff. Yes! This is what we want! Confuse the mind! Throw a monkey wrench into the mental patterning you replay in your thinking, over and over, by committing to living in your Heart & Soul. Feel your feelings. Befriend yourself. Cry for what you lost. Cry for what you never had. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Forgive others, even if they don’t deserve it (but you do). Regard your capacity to feel deeply as a strength, even when it hurts and sucks and you hate feeling this way. Use your own heart-centeredness to shift the icky energies into a lighter vibration.

There is great healing available through simply facing your stuck and wounded parts and loving yourself, anyway. Imagine Cancer North Node as a warm, loving cosmic mother who has the unlimited ability to simply… love you. A prayer for this time might be: “Help me to fully accept and love myself as you do, Divine Mother.” Wherever I am, however I feel, no matter what. Love. Love. Love.

April is an intense month and we’re barely in there yet. While these energies are being generated in the collective, and we’re all feeling it, who is doing the generating of these energies? Not simply “the planets” nor just one person.  I find myself grinding my teeth with relish, lately; I don’t think this is a coincidence.  If you’re experiencing symptoms involving teeth, sexual reproductive organs, colon/digestion, and tension headaches during April, don’t be surprised. It’s all indicated by these energies.

So be extra EXTRA gentle with yourself. Look within with more honesty than ever, but don’t get stuck on what you find there. You are good, you are kind, you are perfect, you are whole. You are love.

If you want to befuddle a tyrant, accept and love them as they are. Truly. Now go do this with yourself.

… And remember, the parts make the whole. If we can liberate our self from that unkind, sadistic and un-feeling tormentor within, aren’t we doing our part for the good of all?

Last week, following a routine visit to the vet, my terrier Magnus became suddenly paralyzed from the mid-section down. Not knowing whether my dog would walk again, or what had happened, was confusing and terrifying. After discovering he had a deteriorating spine and 2 herniated discs, he had emergency surgery and spent the next 4 days in the hospital. He came home yesterday, and while he still cannot walk or do routine things like pee and poo on his own, he is showing some positive signs of mobility.

When one of the compassionate vets said, that as a dog owner herself what was happening to us was her worst nightmare, I agreed. This is in the top 5 of my worst nightmares list. I knew this Full Moon would be difficult for me, as this lunation at 0 degrees Libra-Aries occurs exactly on my twelfth house Pluto in Libra and sixth house Mars in Aries, while squaring my Cancer Sun. I also tracked March as the time I would experience the early stages of transiting Pluto opposing my Venus in Cancer (23 degrees).

I thought there was a high likelihood for an emergency, given the Aries/Mars/Pluto energy.

Yet there’s always a gift. In true Pluto form, this has also stripped things down to essence.

Always, at times like this, I receive big teachings on Love. I received this: Love is the doorway to Everything. Fear is a gateway or hall to that doorway, layers of feelings through which we must pass to get closer to Love. We cannot rush or take shortcuts. We need the human experience of being in this body, of feeling and accepting everything that we feel, to find the Divinity waiting for us -always right here- just obscured by distractions, illusions. The door is always open. Of course, the Love teacher is me. I am teaching Love and I am also the student, learning, learning. The classes are experiences like this one.

Riding back from a hospital visit, my heart felt broken wide open. Magnus always reminds me to be present to the Love that is, because it is always looking back at me through those big soulful eyes.

I yearned to feel held, both human and Divine. What has been preventing me from feeling Love, lately? I had a moment of startling clarity: I need to be even more honest and truthful in my life. To not hold back anything from myself, or others, as it only keeps me from experiencing the Love that is always right here.

I realized I had been hiding behind some feelings of hurt with another human, and I decided to stop all that. Instead of tucking the hurt feelings away, and letting the story I had been telling myself to continue, I decided to communicate the simple fact that I was hurt. The fact is, unless they’re sadistic, no one wants to hurt another person, ever. If given the opportunity to correct a false perception that is hurting you… most people really want that chance. I know this. So why was I nursing this idea of another hurting me?

I decided I didn’t want to hide out in illusions any longer, they only create separation.

I want to feel the Love that is always right here.

Everything that keeps us from that is a story, a misunderstanding.

Full Moon in Libra: You Are Not Alone

Chiron, newly in Aries, conjoins the Sun and opposes the Libra Moon. You might say we are being formally, cordially (it’s Libra, right?) introduced to the new Chiron in Aries energy right now.

Many positive things can be said about the transit of Chiron in Aries (till 2026) – healing into deeper levels of self-empowerment, for instance – but first it will show us what blocks us from the same. Like, our existential feelings of loneliness. Do you feel alone? Isn’t that a persistent feeling right now in the collective? We feel ALONE. This is the Chiron in Aries wound: feeling we are utterly alone in this world.

We nurse that wound with our thoughts and stories about being alone… that another doesn’t care, that we really are all alone in the world… and that perception f***s with us, coloring our thoughts and actions. We distance our self from self and others, out of self-protection and fear. We hold our self back from receiving the Love that is here.

For many, thinking we are alone is a persistent habit of thinking. This is both real, and an illusion. We learned, early on, that we are alone. As children, those of us born with Chiron in Aries spent a lot of time alone (Chiron was in Aries approx. from 1968-1976/77, check your own chart due to retrogrades). My generation were known as “latchkey kids” – kids who went home to an empty house after school (interestingly, Chiron is the key symbol). Guidance was lacking. When heavy stuff went down, we discovered we had to fall back on our self.  Where were the adults? This is how loneliness becomes a persistent thought habit, beginning in our early conditioning… and we keep thinking it into adulthood.

How many times a day/week/month do you return to the thought “I’m all alone…”?

We might be surrounded by people and feel alone.

We might be in an intimate relationship and feel alone.

We might actually be on our own.

Consider the idea that “I’m alone” is a habit you’ve learned, not an actual fact of your existence.

Love is right here. It is in the flowers, birds and trees. It is in the warm smile of a stranger. It is never tied to any person or condition you experience…yet most of us have habits keeping us from feeling this truth.

Where do you isolate yourself from others’ love — out of fear, self-protection, hurt, or habit?

It’s human to want to feel ooey-gooey romantic love. To want to be wrapped in a blanket of love. It’s also human to feel hurt, scared, denied love. This is the Full Moon to feel all of it, and take off more of your hurt warrior armor. Feel, grieve, honestly meet your humanity: this is the vulnerability of being alive. Your honest feelings will allow you to receive this knowing: You are not alone. We cannot ever be separated from our Divine Nature – which is Love – just distracted from it. This next practice can help you feel into Love.

Libra Full Moon Practice: Centering with the Rose

When we feel scared, anxious and alone our energy tends to thrust forward, and sometimes even go outside of our body. Feel into your center right now, the area around your heart. Is your energy a bit forward, outside of your chest, or is it inside of you, relaxed into your spine (that’s where we want it)?

To bring yourself back to your center, take a few quiet moments to get still. Imagine a rose covering your heart. Take your time getting to know the rose of your heart. You want to get intimate with it.

…What color is the rose? Pink? Violet? Peach? Red? White? Is it an American beauty? A fragrant tea rose? What does it smell like? Are the petals open or closed? Is it dewy?

As you explore the visual and aromatic aspects, feel the rose sitting in the middle of your center. To me, when I am fully in my center, this feels how I’d imagine a fishing bob or ball relaxed-ly floating in water. Centeredness is a buoyant, light sensation, an awareness of fully inhabiting the center of your being.

You may not get there right away. Personally, with so much cardinal energy in my chart, I tend to get ahead of myself, and this manifests as my energy being sort of in front of my heart instead of inside my chest. It may take time. Breathe with it awhile. Watch its stem wind its way down through your solar plexus, legs, feet and into the Earth. Allow its beauty and peace to calm you, drop you deeper within.

Thoughts, energies, may arise. Just watch. Remain focused on the rose that is your heart.

Soon, with a little practice, you will feel the sensation of dropping in. Then, connecting to your innate peacefulness. This is LOVE. No more separation. Only connection. No more fear. Only love.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this practice in the Whole Foods parking lot, in the vet, anywhere I have a little space and time to honor my need to ground and center. Again, it’s been important for me to take my time with it…more time than I think I have (that Aries Moon)! Do what feels right for you.

The cardinal energy of Aries season can be really stressful for some of us; it’s easy to get caught up in the demands, speed, stress and emergencies of Aries- ruled by Mars, God of war, strife and emergencies. I experience mid-March thru mid-April as consistently difficult.

For this reason, this is a beautiful energy practice for the season. The Rose is a Libra/Venus symbol that people have used for years, to restore balance, peace, harmony, calm and love. Drink rose kombucha, eat rose cookies, rose tincture, buy yourself some roses… There’s no better time to receive some LOVE.