Gail Simone's Blog, page 29

gailsimone:

Hahahahaha, good lord.

mirksilua:

THIS IS MY BANE

BANE WHO TREATS PRISONERS WITH HUMAN DECENCY

BANE WHO LOVES SCANDAL SAVAGE LIKE A DAUGHTER AND TRIES TO TREAT HER LIKE A DECENT FATHER WOULD (ALSO BANE UR ADORABLE AS FUCK)

BUT ADORABLENESS ASIDE HE UNDERSTANDS WHAT SHE NEEDS AND IS EXTREMELY KIND

AND HE IS FIERCELY LOYAL LIKE DON’T EVEN SAY SOMETHING BAD ABOUT SOMEONE HE CARES ABOUT

LIKE WHEN BANE LOVES YOU HE ISN’T FUCKING AROUND

ALSO STRAIGHT UP TURNS AGAINST A JOB THEY WERE HIRED TO DO BECAUSE BANE KNOWS THAT SLAVERY IS IMMORAL AND HE MURDERED THE SHIT OUT OF THE SLAVERS

ALSO WHEN BATMAN DIED HE AND CATMAN PATROLELD GOTHAM OUT OF RESPECT FOR BATMAN AND BANE TRIED TO SING A LITTLE GIRL THEY JUST RESCUED A LULLABY

YOU MUFFIN

AND THEN HOW HE IS TRYING TO QUIT VENOM. MOST HEARTBREAKING OF ALL BANE HATES THE VENOM

BUT TO PROTECT THE PEOPLE HE LOVES

HE FUCKING TAKES THE VENOM AND GOES NUTS. HE STRUGGLES WITH THAT ADDICTION

AND HE IS JUST SAD WHEN SCANDAL

FUCKING TAKES THE VENOM INSTEAD TO PROTECT HIM

HE IS A BRILLIANT LOYAL CARING STRATEGIST

THIS IS MY BANE

THIS IS MY BANE

“THEY DIE OR YOU DIE”

evilhorse:

Look buddy. I’m totally pro-immigration.

I’m sure it was the same anon.

It’s a weird thing. They say their goofy thing, I laugh for a second and then forget about it.

But I do actually feel bad for anon trolls sometimes. I know this sounds weird, but I can certainly understand why people find me obnoxious or sanctimonious, hell, I get sick of being MYSELF sometimes. :)

But it’s such an odd little chickenshit move. I never understood it.  I was raised around farmers and fishermen, my dad was an honest-to-god lumberjack, but you have these kind of squidgy little guys calling themselves ALPHAS and it’s just too sad to be funny. 

I honest to god feel bad for them. I think we’d probably have fun if we met at a con or something. I get lashing out online, I used to be HUGELY obnoxious like that. But at some point, it seems kinda empty and I think their time might be better spent on things and people they enjoy. But it’s not my call to make, obviously.

Hey, troll, I totally forgive you, no big deal. Have a good day, seriously.

gailsimone:

waiting4codot:

I’M A SHARK!
King Shark

My Brother never makes voice requests of me.

Ever.

But this one he asked for, so here you go, Bro!

WARNING: IT IS A LOUD, SINGING SHARK.

THIS KILLED ME.

gailsimone:

Let me tell you a tale of a block woebegone
When a big Elvis sinkhole appeared on my lawn

We were having our breakfast of bacon and eggs,
And our doggie was yearning to stretch out her legs

When an unholy clatter arose from the front
It was a big Elvis sinkhole, to God an affront

We ran to the doorway as fast as we could
So the dog snatched the bacon and snarfed it up good

‘Twas a mystery hole,  forty meters around
And lined with sharp teeth, like a mouth in the ground

I could not see its end, and came over all clammy
And from deep came the scent of fried ‘nanner sammie

The first Elvis arrived, his eyes were quite glassed
He walked up at seven and jumped in at half past

Then they came in by busload and Elvis-y carful
All dressed in white like a young Captain Marvel

They arrived every color, and age, shape and gender
Chanting incessantly, “Dear Satan, love me tender”

Then they all started leaping, one after another
I tried to get autographs (I swear, for my mother)
We did try to stop them, but there was a tussle
And we got a bit starstruck when we saw Kurt Russel

They came from all over, fanatics, full-stop
And we have a bet if they’ll fill to the top

It might be a bit gruesome, it might be macabre
But we’ve made peace with the sinkhole, cursed thingamabob

I suppose some might miss them, though you may all laugh
The population in Vegas, cut nearly in half

And I guess we all wonder, where they end up at
In hell or in Graceland, post-final wet splat

So come see our sinkhole, our own Heartbreak Hotel
It’s half-full of Elvi, (if you don’t mind the smell).

gailsimone:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Okay, I am posting this on the off-chance it might make someone smile in an otherwise not-so-smiley day.

Earlier this year, I was on a JOCO cruise, a cruise for nerds put on by Jonathan Coulton, Paul and Storm, and some other wonderful excellent amazing nerds. It was a cruise where the entertainment was all nerd musicians, magicians, stand up comedians, and writers and we took over the entire ship and it was lovely.

One of my favorite bands, the DOUBLECLICKS, were there and they just reminded me of everything I love about both music and fandom culture. I adore them. TheDoubleclicks.com

And also, check out the Jococruise.com, it’s the most fun you will ever have on a boat full of geeks.

I haven’t done any songwriting in years. But I wrote them a silly little lyric, just in honor of being on a boat with them. They quite wisely chose not to use it. :)  But I’m putting it here, because I thought it was kind of cute and lord knows, we could all use some silly songs right now.

So here it is. Also, LISTEN TO THE DOUBLECLICKS BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME.

It’s called, “My Boyfriend.”

MY BOYFRIEND

(Chorus)

Everyone thinks that my boyfriend does cosplay
But he’s really a pirate who was frozen in ice
Everyone thinks that his parrot’s annoying
And my dad doesn’t like him, but I think he’s nice

He just seemed so different when I found him on Tinder
He said that he hailed from Seville, in Spain
His ship went astray and wound up in Alaska
But we both liked long beach walks, rum drinks and the rain

Our first date was awkward, he boarded an Uber
And brandished his cutlass  like a demon possessed
I tried to protest as he keelhauled the driver
But I kissed him through the sun roof which he called ‘the crow’s nest.’

(Chorus)

Everyone thinks that my boyfriend does cosplay
But he’s really a pirate in a time not his own
And he rocks a peg leg like nobody’s business
He’s plundered my booty from Port Royal to Rome

My friends are all worried, they say he’s a scoundrel
They say his apparel is oddly festooned
And things all went southward when he met my parents
And then tried to buy me with a chest of doubloons

But what they don’t know is that he has a soft side
He’s kind and he’s funny and quick with a jig
And I have been learning so many sea shanties
And when he drinks grog, well, we all have a swig.

(Chorus)

Everyone thinks that my boyfriend does cosplay
But he’s really a pirate and I think he’s hot
He fires his cannon and I show my broadside,
He’s got a map to my heart, and ‘X’ marks the spot

He’s got a map to my heart…and 'X’ marks the spot.

________________________________________________

PS. Try to remember that even on sad days, it is okay to laugh, it is okay to smile.

PPS. I wish you all all the joy in the world.

gailsimone:

I get asked for writing tips all the time, here are some quick tweets that some may find helpful. :)

visitthemyscira:

Hippolyta: a BAMF even in pajamas (Vol. 3 No. 33) [2009]