C. Nzingha Smith's Blog

 Run now, I pray thee, to meet her, and say unto her, Is it well with thee? is it well with thy husband? is it well with the child? And she answered, It is well. 2 Kings 4:26- King James Bible "Authorized Version", Cambridge Edition

As 2014 has officially come to a close and we get ready to embrace the coming year, we need to be reminded that “it is well”. This has nothing to do with our current circumstances, nothing to do with what we see, our current financial situations, our job status, what we might have experienced throughout last year, what we see on the news, or all the things happening throughout the world. All these things are subject to change and will, for the better. We have to know and believe when we’re going through that “it is well”. Take a moment and read 2 Kings, Chapter 4 and be encouraged in your faith. There are few things we have control over, but perspective is one and what we choose to believe another. What do you believe and who do you believe? This determines your outcome.
“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1 The Shunamite woman in 2 Kings believed that “it was well” despite the fact that her son died in her lap and lay dead on the prophet’s couch. She got exactly what she believed for. So it turned out well with her and those connected to her. Going into 2015 we have to raise our level of expectation of who God is and what we’re going to believe. My prayer for all of us as we embark upon a new journey is a conviction in our spirit, and a concrete belief in the God we serve, that it is in fact well. So we create this reality in our lives no matter what, to decide every day that our report and our testimony is: “it is well”.
My Prayer: Heavenly Father I come to you this day, humbled and grateful because you are faithful and you care about the needs of ordinary people. Heavenly father, I pray that you help us to know and believe that no matter what, “it is well” with us. We might not know what is to come, but Father we know you and we know that your word says that allthings are working together for our good, and the good of those who love you. Heavenly Father, I pray right now in the name of Jesus, for a flood of peace in the hearts of your people, that you would allow us rest and comfort from the anxieties of life that are trying to overtake us.

Heavenly Father, help us to know that no matter what we may have to come up against as individuals or collectively as the body of Christ this year that “it is well.” We thank you for providing for us each and every day this past year and we know you will continue to do so. We thank you for every single miracle, sign, and wonder you performed for us and those connected to us, as you gave us each day our daily bread. I pray you would make us more sensitive to the Spirit that we are able to recognize more often the miraculous in our lives. We thank you for the protective angels that keep charge over us as we go out each and every day. We thank you for making ways out of now ways in every situation. We thank you for keeping our minds and our bodies in tack when at every corner, and at every turn there were things attacking us and trying to make us lose it.
Heavenly Father, help us to know you are in control in the midst of so much chaos. Help us to know that you are near and show us how to trust you with our entire beings because you are all knowing. Your word says: that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Guide our words this year and help us to speak life and truth and be more aware of the things that we say to ourselves and to each other. Help us to realize the fact that we have the power to create or destroy our lives with our words. Allow your Spirit to guide us to all truth as you direct us each individually. Heavenly Father thank you that our confidence is not in who we are, but in who you are, and with you, all things are possible.
So, as we go into this New Year, 2015, full of new hopes, renewed dreams, and new possibilities. We go into it with a faith testimony of “it is well”. I pray we will believe this testimony without a shadow of a doubt and it will be our hope and our means of making it through with victory on a day-to-day basis, as we learn to lean on you for everything concerning our lives. Giving you all the glory, honor and adoration and a high praise, hallelujah, this is my prayer, in Jesus name I pray, Amen. Shout: It is Well! Happy New Year! 
With Love & Gratitude,~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Broken Clocks

“This is not the time to be passive. This is the time to shape, sculpt, paint, participate… the time to get sweaty, to get dirty, to fall in love, to forgive, to forget, to hug, to kiss… this is the time to experience, participate and live your life as a verb.” Steve Maraboli

What are you waiting for? Could the reason you were waiting no longer be valid? Could you already have what you want, but not realize it? 


I'm asking you these questions because I had a light bulb moment earlier today while writing an email to a friend. It occurred to me that something I thought I was waiting to experience was already currently happening in my life, but because I felt like I needed more money or a higher status in life before I could experience it, I was convinced I was in fact still waiting on it...that it hadn't happened yet. Until I wrote that email and reread my words, I had no idea what I was waiting for has in fact already arrived. Because of some preconceived notion from past thinking, I had the wrong perspective and was looking at the situation incorrectly. This old pattern of thinking was blocking my ability to see my situation clearly and currently. In my mind I was waiting for something I already have, which in turn left me frustrated and bothered most of the time. As soon as I realized it wasn't that I didn't have it, it was that I was looking at things the wrong way, I immediately took a dance break! Things clicked and that pinned up energy was immediately released. 
I hadn't realized what a lifetime of being told to wait had done to my subconscious. From a young age, we are told to wait. Wait until you're older to do this or that. Wait until you get married, wait until you have a family, wait until after you finish school, until you're more settled, have more money, wait until you are more mature, until you retire, until you die. Before we know it our entire lives will have passed us by and we'll go to the grave waiting for more money, for the right time, for another opportunity. Time doesn't wait, it keeps going and the only real time we have is right now, this present moment. 
It occurred to me earlier today that the only thing I was really waiting for was myself.
One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible is Isaiah 43:18, "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past, see I am doing a new thing, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the dessert and streams in the wasteland."
Whatever you've been putting off, the time is NOW to get your dreams out of the closest and put them on. Wear them out! You don't have anything to lose and no more time should be lost waiting on nothing in particular. Those excuses have now reached their expiration date. It's time to throw them out and get started. Right where you are with what you have. It is possible. You might already be in your dream now, but because everything didn't arrive exactly like you wanted it to, you might be oblivious to it, like I was before my light bub moment. In the words of John Legend, "the future started yesterday, we're already late." Seize this moment, make a decision, renew your mind, laugh, learn, love, live mas, now.
With Love & Gratitude,~C. Nzingha

C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

"Love one another, but let's not try to possess one another. I love this man...because I do not possess him and he does not possess me. We are free in our mutual surrender..." Paulo Coelho, Eleven Minutes

I just finished reading, Eleven Minutes this week and decided to pull this week's love lesson directly from the pages of Coelho's book. Possession is a concept we learned early in our childhood years, when we learned how to say the word "mine" and realized the meaning behind it. The word was likely followed up with a defiant gesture of some kind, like pulling whatever it was you were declaring as "yours" closer to you. Prior to reading the above quote, I had never looked at possession, love, and relationships in the same context. However after some reflection I realized it's practically the basis of how most of us look at our significant others and the love that they give us. 
As the quote implies, love is a surrender. It's a mutual decision and an act done willingly by both parties. Just like with any gift, the love someone decides to give you is theirs to give. You can't and don't own someone else's love. You can't control it and you don't decide for them who they give it to and for how long. However, this thought process would explain why we feel so hurt and broken up when a relationship doesn't work out. It's because we feel we were robbed of something we possessed when it ends as if it were ours to begin with.
Merriam-Webster's definition of possess (v.):1. to have and hold as property: own 2. have complete power over someone3. to seize and take control overSynonyms: dominate, obsess, haunt, consume
Merriam-Webster's definition of love (v):1. take great pleasure in2. to like or desire very much3. to hold dearSynonyms: appreciate, treasure, value
Wow! Just glancing over the list of definitions for each, it's clear to see that love and possession are not one in the same nor are they similar or related in any way. Love is a gift. Love is sacred and should be treasured and valued. It's not something that you're entitled to and you can't control it or the person that has decided to share their love with you. When you do, you can rest assured it means trouble and the end of the relationship sooner rather than later. This perspective on possessing someone's love is ruining our relationships, ruining perfectly good potential mates (because after you've been hurt so much, you naturally become jaded) and standing in the way of authentic connection and real love in it's original intent. More in depth post to come.

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. Nzingha

References
1. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictio...
2. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictio...

C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

The calm before a storm, Genoa, Italy 2014
Love happens fast sometimes. I'm not sure who came up with the rule that we have to play a waiting game in order to distinguish between love and everything else. Love exists. It occupies space and matter and is detectable from the first real connection with another being. Whether it happens in a smile, the faint whisper of hello, a brief, yet sincere embrace, or the way a stranger first says your name. However, when it happens, you're aware of it immediately.

Much of our communication was non-verbal in the three days and nights I stayed with him. I was in recovery, but he didn't know it. Recovering from a lifetime of hurt, pain, and built up anguish. Recovering from disappointing dreams and broken promises. Recovering from loss. Loss in the form of possessions, loss of love, loss of friends, loss of self.  Basically, of everything I thought mattered in real life. He was oblivious to all of this when he sent me a message, inviting me to stay in his empty room on the Italian Riviera. I was making my journey back home to the US after deciding to travel clear across the world in search of a glimpse of the person I thought I had lost.

Love at first sight, it wasn't.

His frame was thinner than the picture he featured on his profile. He was clean cut and boyishly handsome in his own unique way. His spirit was kind and genuine. His smile safe and curious. I would later find out that he was German born, living on the Italian Riviera, working hard and trying to heal from his own wounds, the largest left by failed love.

Again we spoke more in silence during our time together. This type of remarkable communication with a man is something I had only experienced once before, so I knew the strength of the connection needed in order for it to be possible. Although rare, I do better communicating this way because I am more at ease with just being. No pressure. He seemed to appreciate this fact and so in silence we combed through deep, old wounds, left from the trampling of family on our persons, injustices in life and in love, and the mistakes we felt we made along the way. We spoke of the love we desired, in shared smiles, in lingering glances, and in our consideration of each other.

His care for me was apparent and natural as if it were something he had practiced in advanced. We embraced for the first time in this life, as it was apparent our souls had already shared both time and space before, somewhere on the other side of eternity perhaps. He desired to hold and comfort me and was sensitive to my needs. I desired to kiss away all the pain, anguish, and disappointment brought to him throughout his life.

Inside those silent conversations we found compassion, forgiveness, and our way back to the possibilities of love. We brought each other's hearts back to life in the three days we spent together. Sharing time and space, contemplating our beings, watching the sea, sharing gelato, focaccia, and allowing ourselves to be free. We decided to bypass all the formalities which are meant to trip people up on their journey toward love. Possibly because we were acutely aware we had no time to waste.

...To Be Continued.

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

When we experience any type of pain from a physical injury our bodies automatically respond by noting the cause and as a reflex tell us how to respond to help us reduce further injury. The brain also stores this information so as to protect us from being injured in the same way again.

The same is true when dealing with matters of the heart and operating from a place of hurt and pain. It's only natural for us to put up defense mechanisms to keep our hearts protected from future hurt and pain once we've been brokenhearted. When we do enough of this self-protection and insulation of the heart it causes the opposite effect of what we actually desire, which is to attract love to us. 

When we have walls up to try to protect ourselves from being hurt in love, we are operating from a place of fear. Fear is a repellent. The offspring of fear; insecurity, jealousy, worry, and doubt are all repellents that create invisible force fields (unbeknownst to us many times) that keep people and love at a distance. 

Rumi says that we don't need to seek out love at all. Instead we need to search within ourselves for the things that are blocking us from attracting the love we so desire. The good news: whatever blockades are in place, which were created to protect our love and our hearts, we can choose to destroy for love's sake. This is something we all have direct control over. Give yourself permission to blow up the wall. Allow new love to slam straight through the barriers you created and burn off all the residue of the hurt from past failed relationships.

We don't always have control over the circumstances in which love happens and with whom. The heart decides. However, we don't have to wear ourselves out stalking love either, and wondering why it's running in the other direction. We are magnets. Everything we want, we bring to us when we are in a position to receive it. Walls block your receptors and the signals your heart sends out to other hearts and this leaves you frustrated and alone. 

We can't change past hurts, but we can release them. Instead of choosing to memorialize the pain with wall tombs commemorating the dead relationship, free yourself of your interior love blockades and let love flood your heart again. No one can do it but you. All you have to do knock down the blockades which opens yourself up to receive the love you desire. The love you seek will be able to draw near to you as soon as we're ready and as soon as you've cleared the way for it.

P.S. Isn't it nice to know there is no need to search for love after all? Phew! 

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Photo Courtesy of Tiffany Joy

All of life is a learning experience. There are no such things as mistakes, just building blocks and experiences we need to go through to improve and to grow into better versions of ourselves. Last post I emphasized the importance of being kinder to yourself. This week take a moment and reflect on all that the school of life has taught you and be grateful of that well fought wisdom. You earned it!

With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

I attended a children's fashion show yesterday to support the organizer. During the intermission I tapped a young lady sitting in front of me to inquire about her natural hair journey. During our brief conversation, she gave me some great insight, tips, much needed encouragement, and a couple of blogs to check out. She ended our conversation by saying, "whatever you decide, be kind to yourself." I thanked her and those last words stuck with me.

"Be kind to yourself." It's a sentiment I've heard before, but I didn't pay much attention to the statement at the time. It seemed like a very odd thing to say at the end of a conversation about natural hair. However, as I thought more about it and let it settle into my spirit, I realized her words came at a perfect time. They were just what I needed to hear. Her words encouraged me to continue on my own natural hair journey, and also were a reminder for me to be mindful of how I am treating myself through the process and in every other area of my life right now.

As I began reflecting a bit further, I replayed some of the conversations I've had with myself lately and realized some of the language that I've used and certain things I've said to myself, have been completely inappropriate and unkind. I had to acknowledge the fact that I wouldn't ever talk to anyone I cared for or loved the way I have been talking to myself. Why?

I'm sure I am not alone in this. All too often we are way too hard on ourselves and overly critical. The truth is we need to be the ones to learn how to do the little things for ourselves that keep us going when everyone else misses the mark. Random acts of niceness toward ourselves are the practice we need for our other relationships as well. We have to be kind, caring, and loving to ourselves before we can extend these qualities to others.

So, just as I have challenged myself to pay more attention to the conversations I have with myself and to do things that build me up instead of tear me down, I challenge you as well. Here are some ways we can begin to learn how to be kinder to ourselves and practice these same techniques in our other relationships. Here is a brief list of things you can do to show yourself a little TLC.

1.) Treat yourself to at least one compliment a day. This means that instead of finding the one thing you don't like about yourself, you find one thing you do and say it out loud. For example; "Cute hair."

2.) Use positive adjectives to describe yourself when you're talking to yourself or others about you.

3.) Tell yourself, "I love you" at least once a day.

4.) Smile at your reflection in the mirror, it serves as an instant energy booster, helps to lift your spirits, and puts you in a better state of mind by easing any underlying anxiety.

5.) Treat yourself to something you like at least once a week that makes you feel special. It doesn't have to be expensive. I treated myself to a Godiva Oreo shake last weekend and it did wonders for me! :)

6.) Allow yourself time to rest and relax without feeling guilty or worthless.

7.) Reject any and all negative self-talk. Instead remind yourself that you are good enough, just as you are and know that whatever you don't like, you have the power to change it.

8.) Shower yourself with the things that make you feel loved and cared for. These are things you don't have to wait for someone else to do for you. You can do them for yourself and get the same gratification out of the experience.

You're wonderful! You don't need an excuse or a special occasion to celebrate you or to shower yourself with love and kindness.

Have you been particularly hard on yourself lately? What are some things you can do today to make it up to yourself? Do you pay attention to how you treat you? I would love to know your thoughts and ideas for other ways we can be kinder to ourselves.

With Love & Gratitude
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

"When and if you can stand to take a look at your reflection...your interior mirror always tells you the truth, the real story."

Happy Monday!

I just realized it's been exactly a month since I last posted. I'm in the process of writing a new book and it's causing me to go into serious reflective mode. I've had to force myself to be still, and silent, and to look inward, deeper than just below the surface. It has also required me to take a good look at myself in the mirror. Not for vanity purposes, but to really see myself as I am, as I've been, and as I would like to be. To take inventory of the things I like, and the things I don't like about myself, and to identify the areas I would like to change. On the outside, but most importantly on the inside. Basically, to face myself. Honestly. The good, the bad, and the brutally ugly (the part no one sees).

The more time I take to reflect, the more I realize how unhappy I've become with the reflection that's staring back at me. I don't recognize the person I'm looking at anymore. I look the same, but I am fundamentally different. I haven't been true to myself and as a result, I've lost the true beauty that makes me, me. I've realized that I got so used to changing colors to survive the environments I was in, that my true color got faded in the process and is hardly recognizable. It's been tough for me to resist the urge to turn a blind's eye. I would much prefer to keep acting like everything is all together, even when I know it's not. It is getting rougher as I try to sort through the heaviness of it all. Now I know what it means when people warn you not to open up Pandora's box. This is the same thing. You don't know what you're going to get.

So many of us go through life pretending because we have to be what others expect us to be, starting at an early age just to survive. Then it becomes novelty and entertainment for ourselves and those around us. We create elaborate illusions to cover up our true feelings, thoughts, and desires. In order to please others and to get the fake love and acceptance from those we desire it from at the time. Until we don't want it in play life anymore, and we want it for real.
Playing dress up and pretending for so long creates major distortion from the inside out. It ultimately ends up hurting us and the other people who have fell for our illusions. Small lies build slowly, one upon the other, until you're so out of touch with yourself and reality that you too buy into the lies that others perceive as being your truth because it's easier. I think this is why when people get middle-aged they decide to go at it cold turkey and people say to them, "I don't know you anymore." Hell, neither do they. I don't think it's a middle-age issue though. I think they know it long before, but it just takes them to get to that point to build up the courage to face their interior reflections. Once they do, they decide to act. However, often times the results of their actions have to be so extreme and life changing because they've allowed the illusion to go on for so long, that is the only way they can break free of it.

When and if you can stand to take a look at your reflection...your interior mirror always tells you the truth, the real story. When you look at yourself through your own eyes, you can see the cracks beneath the surface, you can see the lonely eyes, the stress and tension built up in your neck and shoulders, it's evident to you, what others often miss. The interior mirror never lies. The sooner you muster up the courage to take a look, the better.

I'm impatient (something God works with me on daily) and don't have time to wait until I'm middle-aged to get it together and go cold turkey. Plus, I have no choice in the matter anyway, so I am surrendering to the process now. One because writing this book is forcing me to and two because I realize the life I live depends on it. It is just time now to unearth everything, sort through it all, and be brave enough to discard what no longer serves a healthy purpose. This way I can accurately see what's needed to help me grow taller from here. I have been accurately described as an onion before, so I have to be brave enough to peel back the layers, stink up the place, cry, have my hands chafed a bit, hoping that when it's all said and done, I will be better, healthier, and truly at peace with me.

It's hard to fight an invisible enemy. Something that you know is there, but just can't identify. It's even harder admitting to yourself that things aren't right. No one wants to admit to themselves the truth, to other people it doesn't matter as much. However, you have to face the fact that you've been lying to yourself all along. Not easy. As I peel back one layer at a time, I realize it would be easier if it were just one big thing. But instead it's a series of small complex clusters of heaviness that have piled up over the years. Some things I knew about, others, not so much.

Taking time to look into my interior reflection has begun to reveal to me things that were standing in my way. Now I can get passed them completely without exhausting myself because I'm swinging against the wind. In the process I'm facing one of my ultimate fears, which I will be sharing in the new book. To sum it up in one word. Painful. A good pain though. One that serves a higher purpose and will have a good lasting effect.

I started my interior reflection with some questions. I will share some in the next post. Until then, MJ said it best. Start with the man in the mirror. I might go karaoke style on Friday's post and sing this! Ha. :)



With Love & Gratitude,
~C. NzinghaC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

OMG!!! I have been loved on, and loved on, and loved on some more, throughout my journey over the past few months. I can't begin to describe the experience. I will one day...in a book of course! It's been absolutely amazing being open to receive healthy love from every direction, in unexpected places, in ways so simple, yet so profound. I am so full. This week, since we have nothing to officially reflect on in love (I'm going to get my ish together, promise!), I am going to take a few minutes to share some of the love with you. In case you haven't been told today or this week:You are wonderful!You are thought about!You are smart!You are funny!You are loved!You are cared for!You are a success!You are missed!I could go on and on...but I just wanted to remind you of how remarkably special you are and tell you that you are needed. Never, EVER forget how much you matter in this world and how your mere presence changes someone's life for the better. Thank you for stopping by! Have a wonderful weekend. See you next week! ;-) 
P.S. I wish I could figure out how not to look so weird on the video capture pic?
With Love & Gratitude,~C. Nzingha SmithC. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.

Hello & welcome to Love in Retrospect, here on ZingNotes.me. Normally, I would be saying this live via video, but due to my intense travel schedule this week, my brain is fried, and overloaded with so much new information that I haven't been able to focus properly. I haven't been able to string my words together to form valid thoughts or to write intelligently on any one thing in particular. I'm giving a new face to scatterbrained! 
So, instead of stinking up the place with a bout of unfocused, verbal diarrhea, I will simply pause to recompose myself, get my focus back, and will plan to be back on track with posts next week. :) I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I look forward to chatting with you same time, same place! Until next week. Take care.
With Love & Gratitude,~C. Nzingha C. Nzingha Smith, Principal at SNC2 INK & Get Off Pause Consulting. A Solutionist & Author.