Caddy Rowland's Blog: Writer of Fiction, Painter of Life and Energy, page 23

What are some of your pet peeves?  I have several, but I think my biggest is this: people talking with food in their mouth.  Or chewing without keeping their mouth closed.  Gross.  Yuck.  Unfortunately, it has become an epidemic.

There have been all kinds of articles written on the lack of manners in society now.  It has been a gradual erosion as we become a more relaxed culture.  Will someone please explain to me why "relaxed" has to also mean "uncouth"?  Can't one be relaxed and still be tactful and gracious?  But, I digress. 

I have always been nauseated by the sight of someone talking with food in their mouth, or chewing with their mouth open.  You see their food in various stages of breakdown, saliva bubbling, and morsels spinning around like old rags in a front load washer.  Food stuck on teeth, perhaps some flying out onto the table or even another person.  Once the food gets chewed up enough it looks like vomit.  Vomit whirling around for others to watch, ruining their own meal. 


Perhaps you don't even realize you do it.  I am amazed at the number of people that do this.  I would say that for the last three years it has grown to epidemic proportions.  Am I in the minority in not wanting to watch people break down their food?  Maybe I am wrong.  I thought a restaurant or dinner party was a place to enjoy myself and share pleasantries, not a biology class.
(Speaking of which, spare me the stories about puke-baby or otherwise- and not being able to shit, or who had bad diarrhea, while dining in a public place or at the table, please. It may not bother you to talk about runny bowels, but it does make others upset.  But, again, I digress.)

Why do so many people talk with food in their mouth?  Chew with their mouth open?  I think it is because they take too big of bites, eat too fast and are hogging it down like pigs at a trough, and one other reason.  Maybe they believe that they have such important, enlightening things to say that others can't wait for their utterances to be spoken.  Yes, they have thoughts and ideas so unique and unusual that the rapt listeners won't mind seeing their slimy mush gyrating around while they bless others with their viewpoints.
 

I have news for you.  You are not the most important person in the world, nor are you the most important person in the room.  As earth shattering as your thoughts may be, we can all wait for you to chew up your food and swallow.  Hey, even if someone asks you a question while chewing, you can smile and point to your CLOSED mouth and chew.

Or-newsflash-if you must answer, USE YOUR NAPKIN! Yeah, it is meant for more than sitting on the table. It goes in your lap and THEN if you MUST talk with food in your mouth (perhaps a server is waiting for an answer), you (GASP!) pick up the napkin and HOLD IT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH while answering!  That way the rest of us don't have to see your half chewed pizza!  Isn't the napkin an amazing invention?



I also think people who eat alone a lot don't use their good manners and then it simply becomes habit.  Maybe it is not such a bad idea to practice eating with good manners even when alone.  That way people might actually want to dine with you more than once.

It is not just unruly teenagers, elderly, or uneducated people that do this.  I see many businessmen, professionals, teachers, parents....all chewing away (talking or not) with their mouth wide open.  Advertising their half broken down meal for all the world to see.  You look awful.  It may seem like I am too uptight, but it really is you that it reflects on.  You look gross and unkempt.  Sorry.  But you do.

So, next time you are at the table, do us all a favor.  Shut your mouth.  Please! When you are not chewing (if you can pause to take a breath before hogging down the next forkful) feel free to converse.  Just don't make us watch the horror movie in your mouth.  Thank you.

I need to lose weight.  I know that, and I know how to do it.  So why don't I?  If I had the answer to that question I would be a billionaire.  Millions of Americans struggle with extra weight.  I have lost weight several times.  I never keep it off.

To begin with I was naturally thin.  Until I was in my 40's I was never overweight.  The problem was, I still thought I was too fat.  I was 5' 8" and wore a size 11.  That is slender. However, the modeling world said the opposite.  We were barraged through the media with underweight examples of what was beautiful from the last 60's on.  So, I began dieting.

I truly think that is what messed up my metabolism.  And my mental health.  I would go through periods of dieting only to binge on everything I had not allowed myself to enjoy.  The binge periods lasted longer and longer.  Finally, by the time I reached middle age I was overweight.  I still could lose weight.  I still could not keep it off.

It may surprise you that, when I say I know how to lose weight and keep it off, I am no longer talking about  a diet.  No food plan where you have to check off boxes.  No boxed bullsh** meals.  No banned foods.  Nope.  I am convinced that the way one gets back to a healthy weight is by eating what they want, but only when they are truly hungry.  Equally important? Stopping when one is full.


The French have always done it.  They eat lots of calorie laden foods.  (Name one French dish that is not high in fat.) Just not in quantity.  They eat small portions because that is what the human body really desires.  Somehow, we Americans have gotten all messed up with the portions we think are needed.  Truly, less IS more. More healthy, more budget friendly, more delicious.

Why can't I remember to only eat when hungry and stop when I am full?  I guess because of decades of doing the opposite.  Even when I was thin I overate.  Simply because I could.  I had a crazy metabolism that allowed me to eat everything and anything.  Because of that I developed bad habits.

I am going to (once again) try to commit to eating only when hungry and stopping as soon as I am full.  That does not mean some garbage about chewing each bite a certain number of times, or driving myself crazy about putting down my fork between every bite.  What it DOES mean is that I will pace myself.  I will remember manners. That means I won't shovel food into my food, refill my fork while still chewing, or take portions that would fill the back of a dump truck to capacity.  I will really notice and enjoy the flavor of each bite.  And I will make an attempt to converse (after chewing and swallowing food please...a pet peeve of mine is people who talk with food in their mouth) while eating.  If I am involved with others during a meal I will give myself time to realize that I am full.

Will I succeed?  Eventually.  Hopefully, it will be this time.  I have normal blood pressure, normal blood sugar, and a stress test showed a normal heart.  Now it is up to me to keep things that way before it is too late. Food is not the enemy, lack of awareness is.  Food is wonderful and sensuous.  It should be treated with respect, not ravaged.




Wish me luck.  It is difficult to learn new behavior when old behavior has been repeated so many years.  I really want to be able to move better and have less pain, though...so here we go.  Is this time the charm?

Too often the characteristics of your spouse or significant other that make you fall in love with them end up being the same traits that irritate the hell out of you once the newness of the relationship wears off. Unfortunately, most of us may not realize that. If we do, we may not understand why that trait is now so irritating.

OK, so saying we now "hate" it is extreme. But those characteristics can drive us wonky. Why? I am no expert (well, I am kind of. I have been married for decades), but I read something several years back that made sense of it for me. I wish I could remember where I read it or who wrote it because I would like to give them credit. It has helped me understand and hold my tongue on many occasions during our marriage.

When we fall in love, we tend to look for someone who has strengths we don't necessarily have. Usually unconsciously. Hence, the cliche "opposites attract" (this is far different from having opposite morals or interests, which can hurt a relationship). That is because it will balance us, make the unit a whole. If we are afraid to voice our opinion, we find  someone who can gifted. If we beat ourselves up with guilt over never getting enough done, we admire that fact that he/she is relaxed and laid back. If we have trouble asking others to help us, we find him/her great at delegating. If we are wall flowers, he or she is the toast of the party.

We fall in love; time goes on. Now that person is a human instead of a god. All of a sudden, "gifted" becomes "opinionated". "Laid back" becomes "lazy". Forget "great at delegating"! They are just plain "bossy". "Toast of the party"? They are a "show off"!  Those very qualities we love turn into warts we would like to burn off.


Why? That article explained that it is because those qualities are so foreign to our sense of self. Those traits are not naturally part of us and so they feel "wrong". Plus, we are a bit jealous. Our partner are things we are can't be; at least not naturally. It eats at us that they can be things easily that we either can't be or have to work at. Now again, this is not conscious. Most of us don't think we are that small minded or that jealous. It is human nature to feel threatened or irritated by traits that are not innately us, though.

If we keep that in mind, all of a sudden those traits are not so irritating. After all, those things are the very reasons we fell in love in the first place.  Keeping that in mind gives the person we love permission to be the person they are. Remember, they fell in love with your for your characteristics.  Those characteristics are as foreign to them as theirs are to you. You drive them crazy for the same reasons. Isn't part of love acceptance and admiration of what the other truly is?

As long as you are both sharing responsibilities, you are fine. Chill out and let you partner be the person they were meant to be. Be the person you were meant to be.  You will both be a lot happier for it.  You will also find that you compliment each other very well.

As an indie author it is easy to get so caught up in all of the things I need to do to market my book that it is hard to find time to write.  There is blogging, tweeting, facebook, emails, review requests, interviews...the list goes on and on.

I am not just an indie author though.  I am a wife, a friend to many, a homeowner, a grandma (although I am childless by choice), a companion of two parrots, and have many hobbies.  Like everyone else these days, I struggle to find time for everything.  Worse yet, while doing one thing I feel this nagging guilt that I really should be doing another. And, always, I am trying to find happiness.

As an author I keep thinking that once my books start selling big time I will be happy.  Once I have the series done I will be happy.  Once I can stop worrying about income I will be happy.

As a human I sometimes think that if we lived somewhere warmer I would be happy, or if we could take nice vacations I would be happy.  Perhaps if we could replace our worn out carpet and redo the hardwoods underneath I would be happy.  If Dave and I could find more time to just be with other I would be happy.  When (and if) we ever retire I will be happy.


In the meantime, time has taken away the vast majority of my life.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not "unhappy".  I am generally quite a happy person, but I think all of us fall into that trap of thinking things would be "happier" if only.
If only I would lose weight, have money, not hurt, have more time...the list goes on and on.

The problem is, we look for things other than ourselves to make us happy.  Even if we try to find it in ourselves, it is by "correcting" or "improving" the body and mind we have been given.  Self improvement can be a great thing; self acceptance is even greater.

You want happiness?  Do I?  Then, truly, we need to stop "wanting" and start simply "being".  There is so much joy in just being able to breathe, to blink.  To be able to hear a child laugh, a bird sing.  To see a sunrise instead of rushing around opening blinds to that you can get to the computer and begin to "do".  There is not just happiness, but true joy all around us and within us.
We just have to be quiet enough to notice it.

My books may eventually sell great or sit and collect "dust" online.  I may always be overweight now, after years of being thin.  I am going to always hurt some.  And, hopefully, get old.  I am not guaranteed that.  Nobody is.
What I am guaranteed is the beauty-right now-of seeing the color I painted my walls (it IS a happy color!), of feeling love in my heart for my friends and family, of knowing that my heart beats and my mind works and I can stop and read poetry any time I want to.


The miracle of being on this planet.  What a sheer, simple miracle. Being here now and knowing it. That is happiness.  If we clear our mind and simply look, happiness is there within us.  It always was and always will be.  We just need to allow it to be noticed.

As an indie author I try to read as many books by other indie authors (click for a good author and book site)that I can.  My goal this year is to always pick an indie book (click for another good indie site)  whenever I buy a new book.  I don't necessarily want to buy the cheapest.  A lot of the .99 cents books are rife with formatting, spelling and grammar errors. 

And the free ones!  Oh, my.  Too many times I have downloaded "free" just to delete them.  That does not mean free or "cheap" has to be bad.  Here are a couple of hints for finding good books by indies:

1. Don't just download free books or .99.  I mean, come on.  Is $2.99 or even $4.99 a lot for a book nowadays?  Seriously!  Authors need to eat too. 

2. If you do download free or .99 look to see what rating the book has and how many reviews.  I am not talking about reviews from Joe Blow.  I am talking about reviews from reviewers or book bloggers.  Those are more honest.  Some people are suspicious of a book with all high reviews, but if most of them are from reviewers or bloggers it is probably just a really good book!


3. Again, when considering free or .99 does the author have more than one book out?  If so, they may be using this book as a loss leader to build a following.  That is great.  Check out the ratings and go for it!

4. Also when considering free or .99 look to see if it is part of a series. If so, it is probably being used as a loss leader to promote the series.  Again, a good thing!  You can see if you want to read the whole series for little of no money.  Check the ratings.

You may ask "Why bother to worry if it is free or under a buck?"  Well, because people who download books rife with errors are not authors.  They don't want to do the work to be an author.  If people don't download their books they either learn to improve or go away.  Either is fine.  We don't need the e-book market flooded with books full of errors.

I am not talking about a couple of mistakes in a full novel.  That happens all the time in books that have been put out by major publishers too.  I am talking about the flood of books with a dozen errors in a couple hundred pages.  Books that don't know how and when to use a comma.  Things like that.

You can find good books for free or under a buck if you just research the book on the site you are going to download it from a little bit.  But, please, don't just buy .99 and download free.  The best books do, or will eventually (after the sale goes off) cost more...even if only a dollar or two.  If you love reading, support the art of writing!

Here is a great site for finding quality books for under a buck to get you started: http://ebooksforabuck.wordpress.com/ In order to even get on this site you need at least 4 (or was it 5?) reviews from verified purchases on Amazon and at least a 4 star rating average from those reviews.   Many of those featured put a book on sale to get on that site.  It is a great way to increase readership for us indies and Michael should be commended for it.  Stop by and check out the site.  You will find a lot of fabulous reading on there!



Don't forget: if you like the book you got for free or under a buck, please continue to support that author.  Books by indies are a bargain even at $2.99, $3.99 or $4.99 and higher.  Don't expect a quality author to offer every book for free or .99.  When you find an author you love, give them some love back.  Chances are you don't work for free or a buck, either!

I thank you and other indies will thank you, too.  Now, go out and grab a great book.  There is a world of escape waiting for you!

Last Saturday my husband and I decided to give our house a thorough cleaning.  Well, not the basement.  That would take the whole weekend.  The basement is my art supply area and the place where projects in progress linger.  Need I say more? Artists need stuff out where they can get it immediately.  That does not equal clutter free.

Anyway, the whole main living area was ravaged with dust cloths, feather dusters and vacuums.  We did not leave anything alone.  Carpet edgings got vacuumed. (Yes, we still have carpet, much to my husband's delight and my chagrin.) Ceiling and walls got hit with the feather thingy.  Furniture got vacuumed  I even polishing the silver pieces in my hutch!


It took us all of Saturday. We finally got our first meal at 9:30 pm.  Man, that is a lot of work!  It looked great...on Saturday.  Slowly, so slowly one sees the dust and debris show up on furniture and carpets.  We will still dust and vacuum, but we live by our own motto.  You know how most say "We are messy, but we aren't dirty"?  Not us.  We don't like clutter (except in my art area.  :)  ) but we don't mind our own dirt.  We aren't messy, but we are dirty. There.  I said it.  If friends base their friendship on how clean my house is I don't need those friends in my life. I do have other talents.

Sorry.  Too many other things to do in this short life.  I used to drive myself nuts about it.  Used to wash walls until my knuckles bled.  Not anymore.  Not for years.  There are only two of us and two parrots.  We do vacuum the parrot dust up, but we don't clean as often as we probably should.


Still, I worked in property management for eight years.  I can tell you that 90% of people are dirtier than we are.  Even the well dressed, neat looking ones can surprise you.  Seriously, you would not believe the hell holes I entered when I had to go into apartments.  And these were nice apartments, not ghettos!  That is when I learned I could relax a little...actually a lot...and still have a cleaner home than most people on this planet.

I really hate cleaning.  It is boring.  Although I did learn a trick that helps a little.  I read somewhere to think about who gave you each item or where you were or who you were with when you bought or received each item as you dust.  That does give me some pleasant memories while cleaning.  It helps.  A little.  OK...not much.

It was sure nice to relax on Sunday in a totally clean house.  Not nice enough to do it again anytime soon, though.  That I can say with no hesitation.  That, my friends, is a wrap.

Today I have a special treat for you on this blog.  I am interviewing author T.M. Sounders, who I have had the pleasure of getting to know on kindleboards.com.  Please take a few minutes to get to know more about her and her writing.  You will be glad that you did!


Welcome T.M. !  I appreciate your taking time to chat with me today.Let's talk a little bit about how you became an author, your books, and you. First of all, I am curious as to what made you personally decide to write your first book, why you decided to go "indie", and when the first book went "live". I wrote my first book in college, but my life was crazy at the time and I was not fully committed to writing. I became serious about it shortly after my first child was born, this was about four years ago. Since then, I've written about one book a year, only one of which has been published (Waiting On Hope). I decided to go Indie after researching the industry and publishing. It seemed like a "no-brainer" at the time. My first book, Waiting On Hope went live in late July of 2011.


Waiting on Hope has 28 reviews and 4 Stars. That speaks very well of the book!  People can click on the book to get to Amazon and read the reviews.

How many books do you have out?  What are the other titles and genres?  Tell us a little about the main character(s).

I have one women's fiction novel, Waiting On Hope. The main character in this story is a pariah of strength. She is forced to find a way through unspeakable tragedy and manages to pick up the broken pieces of her life.
Dashing Through The Snow is a romance/chick-lit novelette that I published this winter. The main character is sweet, but my favorite character is her best friend Gemma! She's funny, sassy, and tells you like it is.

I loved Gemma, too!  She made me laugh out loud more than once, that is for sure. I can see why this is another 4 star book.  (Click on cover to read reviews, etc)

When is your next book coming out?  What is it about?

My next book, Freedom Road, is undergoing edits as we speak. I believe and hope it will be available in mid-March. It's a YA/Crossover novel and is about an eighteen year old who comes from an extremely dysfunctional family. She has a dream of Juilliard and a desire to escape home and the life she's leading.

What advice would you give other people who are thinking about writing their first book, but then that self doubt comes in?

Don't doubt yourself. If you're that unsure, then get Beta reader or someone who provides critique to look at your work, then go from there. Often times, self doubt is something we all struggle with and something we just need to get over. A good critique will tell you if you're just doubting yourself or if you really do need to work on your craft.

 What do you think are the five most important things a new author has to "take care of" to give them the best chance at success? The first, and I learned this the hard way, is to get a good editor. Don't just hire anyone who is cheap, with little to no experience. Look at their credentials and make sure their worthy to work on your book. Second, grow a thick skin. Third, get ready to devote some serious time to promotion, marketing, and networking if you want to be successful. Fourth, create goals for yourself. How successful do you want to be? Are your goals realistic? Fifth, get a good cover, because most people do buy a book based on the cover.

 Let's talk a little bit about you as a person now. Tell me, what about life never fails to make you laugh?My kids. They constantly are reminders of what's important in life. They're the two things I'm positive I did right! What do you enjoy doing besides writing?

I love to read! Sometimes I devour books, one right after the other, because when I'm in the middle of writing I don't have as much time to read. I love spending time with family and good food! Eating out is one of my favorite things to do, lol. In the spring and summer, I also love gardening and spending time outside. There's something amazing about burying a seed in the earth and watching it grow.

I love gardening, too.  For me, it is working with my annuals daily. They get as much attention as one would give a child! Finally, let's play the old genie in a bottle game. You get 3 wishes. They can't be general wishes, like "peace on earth", or all disease cured. No I wish my family, etc would stay healthy.  We all wish those kinds of things.  These 3 wishes are for personal, material things. What three things would you wish for? 1.    To be in St.Lucia, Antigua, or somewhere equally as exotic and beautiful right now for a month of R&R.
2.    For my book to get a movie deal, and actually be made into a movie. (Often times, books get deals but never come to fruition)
3.    A beach house in the Outer Banks of North Carolina!!! I can't believe I almost forgot this one! It's my DREAM to get a beach house there. I'm determined that some day it will happen!

I hope you get that beach house and be you will.  The movie deal would be AWESOME!  What book by another author do you wish you would have written and why? Jennifer Donelly's Rose Trilogy! I LOVE these books. They are absolutely amazing for romance fans. It's funny because I don't read much historical romance, but these by far are three of my favorite books. Especially, the first two. I don't know what else to say except I love them. The writing is amazing, the history amazing, and the story lines---> this is my jelly face :-/

Any last things you would like to tell people about you or your writing? I write because I love it! If I had one main goal to achieve through my writing, it would be for people to love my books and for them to leave the book wishing it didn't have to end. I love hearing from readers and other authors, so feel free to contact me!

Thank you again.  It was a pleasure.  Please see the links below for ordering information begarding T. M. Sounders books and contact information!
http://tmsouders.com/blog/
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/TM-Souders-Author/181198815275423?sk=app_139229522811253Purchase links:Waiting On Hope: http://www.amazon.com/Waiting-On-Hope-ebook/dp/B005CPD2BC/Dashing Through The Snow: http://www.amazon.com/Dashing-Through-The-Snow-ebook/dp/B005ZUXIT0/twitter: @tmsouders

As an indie author, you will be responsible for selecting the genres you want your book to appear in.  On Barnes & Noble you get up to 5 to add.  On Amazon you only get two.  That is really difficult for many of us.  For instance, my books are drama, historical fiction, romance, steamy romance, historical romance, saga, and book one is coming of age.  See what I mean?

I also wish they had a better selection of genres.  Some are missing.  Some get further broken down and the wording sounds so stuffy I almost go to sleep!

However, today my blog is about the romance genre.  There are many that argue that if a story does not have a "happy ever after" ending it does not fall into the romance category.  They almost have a stroke if a book dares to fall out of that old "woman meets man, they fall in love, there is a misunderstanding, they fight, they get back together, they marry" formula.


There are many readers that DON"T want to read that formula anymore or never did.  What fun is it to read a book when you know exactly what is going to happen?  Why not just read the same book over and over?   Those of some of the things that run through the minds of readers that do love romance but don't like predictability.

I would fall into the category of those that don't like a standard formula.  It bores me, and it bores me quickly.  I have been reading for decades now.  That same old formula just doesn't excite me anymore.  Sorry.  This is not a knock on those who write formula romances.  God knows you have a huge following.  It is just not for me and I can't write it.  I am probably in the minority. You who write it will make a hell of a lot more money than I ever will.  Still, if I am bored writing I may as well go back to work for the feds typing social security numbers all day.   At least I would have some benefits.


Here is a thought for those of you that insist on the same old, same old.  If we use your formula, then Romeo & Juliet, Wuthering Heights, and Gone With The Wind would not qualify as romances.  They can't, if you use the formula.  They certainly are not feel good stories.  Yet, they are love stories.
Romantic/Sexual love is at the core of each of them.  As it is in 1984.  Does that have a happy ever after ending?

Some say they are "only" love stories and not romances, Or they fall under another category (Of course, don't most great books?).  Only love stories??? Isn't that what romance is part of?  Personally, I will take a romance with surprises and real life dysfunction and angst any day over a 'they met and kissed and lived happy forever' type of book.  I want to read about characters who seem to have a real life.  In real life, we seldom exist in a state of eternal bliss, even when we end up with our soul mate.  I get that it is fiction.  Still, I want to be able to believe it might happen. My mom used to say if two people live together and never fight, one is kissing the other's ass.  She was right.

I am not saying the story cannot have a happy ending.  It could. But, it just as easily could not.  Isn't that what life is like?  Isn't that what makes a book something you don't want to put down?  A book where you aren't sure how it will end is much more addicting than a book that you know the ending to before opening it.  

Be forewarned: I write romance, but it will never be typical.  If they gave me "love story" as a genre choice, I would move there.  They don't-so thar ya go. I write about love. I write about love and romance in a way that appeals to both  men and women. Imperfect characters.  Raw sex. Both beautiful and ugly emotions and actions. You will never know what to expect and you will never know if it will be "happy ever after".  I want to take you on a ride.  Even more, I want the destination to be a secret until we get there.

Surprise!  Fasten your seat belt.

Part of your job as an indie author is to find book reviewers and bloggers to review your book.  There are dozens of them out there. You can find them by searching facebook for pages about books and about your genre, searching on yahoo or google, or asking other authors that you are friends with.  Once you have a large list, you should be contacting a couple of dozen right away.  Then, every week or so, add three more. Keep a log of who, what and when.


Before you contact them, go to their website or blog and carefully read the instructions on how to request a review.  Please note if they say they are closed for reviews or do not review indies.  If either of these are mentioned, do NOT request a review from them.  You will not be the exception and you will only irritate them.

If they do accept indies and are not closed, then follow the instructions completely.  Send what they ask for in the first email and only send that.
If they accept your book and did not ask for everything up front, they will give you further instructions.

Once accepting, ask them kindly if they will post on whatever book sites and selling sites you want the review on.  Remember, they do reviews for free and out of the love for books, so they do not "owe" you reviews on any sites.  If they do not post on every site you want, don't be rude.  Most at least post on Amazon, B&N and Goodreads.  That is fair to expect and request.  Some will post other places, too.  Just ask.  Never demand. If they don't do other sites, don't get angry.  Reviews on the three I mentioned will still benefit you.

Provide all information that they ask for.  Make sure you have a copy of your book cover photo, a description, your buy links, your social media links and can either send them a .pdf or .mobi if they want OR be willing to send them a gift cert to either Kindle or NOOK.  It only costs you the price of your book and when they redeem it, you get a sale.  Some do not read books electronically.  So, send them the paperback.  Yes, it costs more.  Still, the review costs you nothing and can benefit you greatly.  If you don't have your work in  paperback and they don't have an e-reader then graciously say so and find a different reviewer.

It is fine to ask when they expect to have the review done.  Some are within weeks, most a month or two...and some of the big ones can be several months.  I have a review that I requested last fall coming in July 2012!  That review site is greatly respected and I feel it is well worth the wait.  What does it hurt me?  Nothing.

If they don't give you a general date, don't harass them weekly.  In fact, don't harass them at all!  If  a month and a half goes by, a polite email asking if they are now able to provide a target date is fine.  Don't bug them often or you won't get reviewed!  Remember, they are doing this for free.

Ask them if they will let you know on the day the review goes live so that you can push the review with social media.  You can tweet and facebook the link to the review on their site or blog, and that gives them exposure too.  In fact, you should.  Some don't let you know ahead of time, just when it is live.  Some don't show you the review until it is live.  Some do.

Do NOT pay for reviews.  How can a paid review be fair?

Last and most important:  Do not argue or be rude or defend your book once the review is done if it is less than you expected.

You asked them to review your book, not be your friend. They are not obligated to love, or even like, your work!  Not everyone likes every book!  Chalk it up to either someone not liking your style or needing to improve your writing skills, depending on what the review says.  If it says the book is full of errors, shame on you.  The book should not be published if it is not well proofed and edited.

If it says the characters were not developed or story did not flow, perhaps you need to work on those things in the future.  If other reviews are good and don't mention that, perhaps it was a style that they don't like.  Once you get several reviews, you will know if certain points come up over and over again.

Remember, three stars is not a bad review.  Authors are starting to think anything less than four or five stars is an insult to the book.  Three stars out of five means they liked it!  They liked it enough to read it all and would tell others it was decent.  What is wrong with that?

Even two star and one star reviews can help you.  It just depends on what is said.  I got a two star that said there was too much sex in my book.  Right after that review I had a burst of sales!  I am not going to argue if there was too much, too little or just the right amount, as it does not matter.  If I see a review that says there was too much description of scenes, I won't buy it but others may love that.  I like a lot of dialog.  So a one star review saying too much dialog would inspire me to buy.

Do not leave comments about reviews on the review sites.  It looks tacky to readers.  You look defensive and unprofessional, no matter how professionally you respond to bad reviews.  Just don't.  Seriously. Responding to good reviews makes it look like you are friends.  Leave it be. Seriously, don't. Remember this: reviews are for readers not authors.  You can thank them for their work via a private email.  And that is all.  No rebuttal.  Got it?  :)  We have lost too many fair reviewers because of abuse by authors.  If all we end up with are reviewers that kiss authors butts, then reviews are pointless.

Bitching about a bad review on kindleboards (even their writer's cafe) or other chat rooms is not advised.  Readers see that and think much less of you.  Reviewers see that and don't want to work with you.

Yes, we all strive for four and five stars.  It is great to get those.  But you earn them, dear author.  You earn them.  You are not more special than the rest, you are not entitled simply by publishing our work.  You earn them.

I have a life besides being an indie writer. You know I paint, but did you know I am owned by parrots?

There are dog lovers and then there are cat lovers.  They both give reasons why dogs or cats are the best pet you can have.  And, of course, we have all heard that cliche "Dogs are a man's best friend".  Dog lovers go on and on about dog's loyalty and how glad they always are to see you.


Hmmmpfffff.  You don't have a clue to how close of a relationship one can have with an animal until you are owned by a parrot. People who don't know much about birds think they must be boring.  Not so.  Most parrots have the intelligence of a three year old human.  African Grey parrots and Cockatoo parrots have the intelligence of a five year old human.  Animal experts now say they are at least as intelligent as dolphins and moneys...maybe more so.

Does you dog talk?  I did not say mimic.  I said talk.  There are still some "experts" that say parrots only mimic.  They obviously have not lived with parrots.  Or watched the videos of Alex, the African Grey.  He is dead now, but learned colors, sizes, shapes and could pick them out when asked randomly.  Some greys are being taught to touch computer keys to call up different photos of parrots.  They think in 10 years greys can video conference.  True, it won't be as in depth as us...but pretty cool.
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My parrots will look at me out of the blue and say  "I love you."  When was the last time your cat said that?  When they are tired, they say "Time for night night" or "See you tomorrow".  If I don't act immediately, I hear "Let's go.  Let's go."

Some think parrots are dirty and have bugs because they are always pecking at themselves.  Not so.  They are cleaning feathers and rearranging feathers to get warmer or cooler.  Parrots ARE messy.  They throw things and their feather dander gets on everything.  There is lots of vacuuming done in my house and we have air purifiers.  But guess what?  Their poop does not stink.  Not one bit.  Nice, huh?

Parrots are not for everyone though.  They are very, VERY high maintenance.  They need one on one time daily.  They need to legitimately be part of the family.  As flock animals, they like to be involved and included.  They can't be put in a cage and left there just because their feathers happen to match your decor.  Some parrots actually go insane because of bad treatment.  They are a commitment for decades.  Do you get rid of three year old humans when you tire of them?  That is what it is like if you "get rid of" parrots.

Don't get me wrong.  I love dogs and cats.  I also love snakes and other reptiles.  But there is no other animal in the world that can have a deeper relationship with you than a parrot.


We have a male White Capped Pionus named Kazoo (16 years old) and a female African Grey name Melanie (20 years old).  Kazoo could live 35 years and Melanie could live to be 75.  People ask why we chose animals that have the intelligence of human children and will live (one of them longer than we have left here) so long when we are childless by choice.
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My answer?  Well, yes they can bite.  They are messy and can be loud.  They are demanding.  However, they will never do drugs, total my car, need money for college, or marry someone I can't stand.  That is more than a fair trade-off, if you ask me.

[image error] Oh-oh.  Gotta go.  My "bosses" are ready for breakfast.  Kazoo is saying "Wanna eat" and Melly is yelling "Good Morning."  I don't want to be written up.