Patrick C. Notchtree's Blog: Patrick C Notchtree, page 4

Depression is a strange illness. It comes and goes unpredictably. I have suffered for many years now, as readers of the book will know. In recent years it has been better, but it still sometimes happens.
The black cloud starts to descend sometimes for no obvious reason. Reason tells you though that there is no logic to this, Reason dictates that one should not feel this way, but one does.
Medication can only do so much. Bad news, stressful day, these things can contribute to the coming of the Black Cloud.
One's personal history has a lot to answer for course, and those who have read my book will understand perhaps where some of that comes from. But there is also so much positive, and this is where the exercise of reason comes in. One of the best ways to combat the black cloud is through action. It may sound trite but action, positive action does actually help lift the black cloud that and thinking of the positive things in one's life helps a lot.
One may never banish the black cloud entirely, but it can be fought and beaten, if only temporarily. Until the next time, then.

I had heard a lot of negative about this film, mainly in that it failed to make enough of the fact that Alan Turing was gay. But I saw it yesterday and all I can say is that is bollocks. Turing’s homosexuality is a central theme of the character. Right from the start of the film, it’s made clear. What really struck a chord with me was his friendship as a teenager with another boy, Christopher Morcom. Those who have read my book will know of the love Daniel and I shared when we were that age. And incidentally, the boy that played the teenage Turing is outstanding.
The contribution that Alan Turing made to the modern world is so great it cannot be quantified, either by his saving an estimated 14 million lives and shortening the war or by laying the foundations of modern digital computing.
The way this man was treated is and always will be a shameful stain on the British state, notwithstanding later attempts – too late of course – to rectify this. There is triumph in the film but tragedy too; that and the remembrance of the pain of separation caused me to leave the cinema in tears.
But those are issues that affect me. Go and see this film, it’s the best answer to homophobia around and if it doesn’t win a host of Oscars, there’s no justice.

First and Only: A Psychological Thriller by Peter Flannery

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


It seems that this is Mr Flannery’s first novel but if it is anything to go by, I hope it’s not his only one.
It grips from the start and is an exploration into two minds, one that of a true psychic and the torment that he suffers as a result, and that of his persecutor, the devil on earth from whom our hero flees and yet must one day confront. To assist this he gains the protection of a very sceptical former SAS soldier but their route as they grow closer together takes them to the very top of power in both Britain and the USA. After all, a true psychic would be a huge military asset! But dealing with a psychic is something they had no experience of, and the struggle continues as the day of reckoning with his pursuer draws inevitably and relentlessly closer.
A real page turner, and possibly already to be a film.




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Six Million Accusers: Catching Adolf Eichmann by D. Lawrence-Young

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Mr Young has a knack of bringing history to life with his meticulous research and a style that involves the reader in the dramas of the past. He has come more up to date with his recent novel which is a compelling account of the Israeli hunt and capture of the mastermind behind the Nazis' "Final Solution", the planned extermination of Europe's Jews, Adolf Eichmann. We see this through the eyes of the only fictional character in the book who becomes one of those tracking down Eichmann to his South American hiding place. The book is full of surprises about what they found there, the way Eichmann was living and his family. The suspense is maintained even though we know Eichmann was brought to Isreal, but right to the last we are kept wondering what might go wrong with his capture and clandestine return to Israel to face trial.
This is a book that's hard to put down until at last justice is served.



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More Than This by Patrick Ness

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This is a strange book. The premise is strange, the characters are strange, the setting is strange. The protagonist Seth is driven to suicide because of the circulation of what seems like a relatively innocent ‘selfie’ but finds that after death he is transported from America back to the England of his early childhood, and nothing is what it seems to be. There is a parallel world in which he is at first alone but then meets two others, as strange in their own ways as he is. We are told the story of his life in England and the crisis that pushed the family to move halfway round the world to America. And there we are told the story of his love for another boy although the depth of this relationship is never really explained – love yes but did it go further?
But as the situation in this life after death world worsens by the day, where the group are apparently hunted by forces that would return them to a living death, we start to wonder which world is real and which is not. Does this ‘world’ extend beyond one town in England? Is the same thing happening all over the world? Would the pursuing forces not send reinforcements?
But I read it to the end if only to find the answers. Seth wanted those too. We are never told and as Seth seeks to resolve this, the story just stops. Oh.





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Certain dates retain their significance long after they cease to require anything of us.
Today, 3 September is my dear Daniel’s 70th birthday. Although I haven’t seen him or even heard from him since that traumatic day when he was 16 and I was 14, I know that in my heart I still love him and I still miss him. Then he was my world, my everything, as those who have read my book will know.
In Book 3 of the trilogy I recount a dream in which he turns up on my doorstep and re-enters my life. This was at a time when I was going back over my life, coming to terms with both my sexuality and the mistakes I’d made in the past. So all sorts of ideas were buzzing in my head but it was wishful thinking perhaps. If he really did turn up, I wonder if it would turn out as happily as the dream.
People have asked my why I don’t try to find him, but his real surname is common and a Google search through literally hundreds of pages – and I was surprised by just how many namesakes he has – failed to find him. Of course it has been suggested that he is no longer alive, either through accident or illness which explains his absence from online archives. And I am findable online, so I can only assume he has not searched for me. There are many people who are not visible online for various reasons, but knowing him as I did, I’m sure he’d be on FaceBook and Twitter etc. But still, I prefer to think of him today enjoying his 70th birthday, surrounded by family, children and grandchildren. I wonder if he ever thinks of me; I’m sure he would. So it’s one of those mysteries that I will never resolve.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Daniel.

The Vital Spark - Fitting in with Epilepsy by Michael Igoe

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


This is Michael's own story of his struggle against prejudice and ignorance about this condition. He describes the long struggle to gain employment despite a wealth of qualifications that more often than not led to his rejection on the grounds he was over-qualified.
The condition cost him a great deal, not least his marriage, but this is also a story of courage, perseverance and and eventual coming to terms with his situation. He refuses to be cowed either by epilepsy or the fearful reactions of others.
It is well written book, an easy read despite the difficult subject matter.



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Was interviewed by BBC Tees this week. I spoke about early sexualisation and its effects. I didn't say too much about that because I didn't want to give too much away about my book. I did that it had an effect of course, whether at the time it was consensual or coercive.
I was also asked about gay men from the baby boomer generation who have spent their lives in the closet. This is another theme in my book as there are a lot of men in that situation who now as they get older are finding themselves able to express their gay sexuality because of the liberalisation of western society and of course the internet as a way of contacting like minded man. To say nothing of the gay saunas.
The discussion moved onto Pride events and whether they are still relevant. I said there was a school of thought that perhaps they had outlived their usefulness as a campaigning device, also that some argue that seeing some of the extravagance on show gives some bemused onlookers a false idea of what gay people are like. I said gay people were just like everybody else. I also expressed admiration for the courage of those who hold and attend Pride events in countries where there is still repression and persecution.
They seem to think I'm some kind of gay guru because they want me to go to the studio for a longer piece. Of course I mentioned the book! The Clouds Still Hang

“The nurses enjoyed Gary’s spunk”
It is often said that the UK and USA are two countries divided by a common language. But that line from the book I am currently reading (And the Band Played On” by Randy Shilts) made me suddenly sit up – in bed as it happens.
The book is of course American and I am less than certain how that phrase can be used in American English. I assume from context and the occasional mention in other areas that it is meant to be a tribute to Gary’s courage and fortitude as he struggles with AIDS.
In the UK the meaning would be much more specific, conjuring up visions of an already ill Gary having to satisfy the fellatic desires of a queue of nurses.
Such a service is definitely not available on the UK’s National Health Service!
It serves as a reminder that not only should one be careful with other people’s languages (JFK’s “I am a doughnut.”) but also with others who allegedly share a language.

The Fault in Our Stars
This book is about kids with cancer. Depressing, eh? Well, actually, no. Seen through the eyes of Hazel Grace Lancaster, this is a moving story of adolescence, as we share her struggles and those of her friends she meets through a cancer support group. Her attitude is typically teenage, sympathetic and warm. She is struck by a book about cancer, “An Imperial Affliction” and the novel charts her interaction with this book, and its author, Peter van Houten. She meets and falls in love with the handsome Augustus Waters, and they share their journey together. To say much more would be a spoiler, but I was hooked and read the book as fast as I could.
Perhaps it’s a book aimed at young readers, but it’s certainly enjoyable by children of any age.