Certain dates retain their significance long after they cease to require anything of us.
Today, 3 September is my dear Daniel’s 70th birthday. Although I haven’t seen him or even heard from him since that traumatic day when he was 16 and I was 14, I know that in my heart I still love him and I still miss him. Then he was my world, my everything, as those who have read my book will know.
In Book 3 of the trilogy I recount a dream in which he turns up on my doorstep and re-enters my life. This was at a time when I was going back over my life, coming to terms with both my sexuality and the mistakes I’d made in the past. So all sorts of ideas were buzzing in my head but it was wishful thinking perhaps. If he really did turn up, I wonder if it would turn out as happily as the dream.
People have asked my why I don’t try to find him, but his real surname is common and a Google search through literally hundreds of pages – and I was surprised by just how many namesakes he has – failed to find him. Of course it has been suggested that he is no longer alive, either through accident or illness which explains his absence from online archives. And I am findable online, so I can only assume he has not searched for me. There are many people who are not visible online for various reasons, but knowing him as I did, I’m sure he’d be on FaceBook and Twitter etc. But still, I prefer to think of him today enjoying his 70th birthday, surrounded by family, children and grandchildren. I wonder if he ever thinks of me; I’m sure he would. So it’s one of those mysteries that I will never resolve.
Anyway, Happy Birthday, Daniel.