Jennifer Sivec's Blog, page 12

The Holidays have always been a strange time of the year for me.

Some years they’ve made me happy and other’s they’ve made me sad. Every year, they cause me to reminisce about the past, both the bad times and the good. They make me want to be a better person. And they remind me that in a few short months, I’ll be another year older.

And getting another year older depresses the heck out of me, these days.

As I watch my boys, who were babies just yesterday and young men tomorrow, I realize that the immortality of my youth had faded away. Perhaps I am the last to realize this about myself, but I wish that I would have savored my youth just a little bit more. It’s not that I didn’t travel or do crazy things. It’s not that I didn’t have fun or that I have a lot of regrets.

I just didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have.

I didn’t bask in it every day. I was so busy getting somewhere in life and doing “something important” that I didn’t realize “Hey, I’m only 23,24, 25 etc.” or “I can eat whatever I want and not gain an ounce” or “Five hours sleep is more than enough!”

I was foolishly just living and not appreciating, not reveling.

I suppose I’m doing that now. Only it’s different. Only now, it’s not about me. Because I’m much older than 24, I can’t eat whatever I want, and I need at least six hours of sleep to even think about getting out of bed. Now I value my life through the lives of my children. And I’m watching them grow entirely too fast. Which means that I am also growing older, which I’m not ready for.

I want to grab the robes of Father Time and bring him to a screeching halt so that we can slow things down just a little bit. I’m not ready for my boys to be young men, and I’m not ready to be old, yet. After all, there is still so much that I want to do. Still so much that I need to do.

So I find myself reveling, now before it’s too late. I do it in the every day. I do it in the small moments, in the things that I used to walk right by. I find that I am more selfish in my priorities because I know that the time that I have is limited, and I know that my children won’t always be as in love with me as they are now.

I wish that I could slow things down and make life go just a little slower. But since I can’t, I’ll have to settle for squeezing every bit of joy that I can from the time that I have with the ones that I love. I’ll have to settle for trying to be patient, forgiving, and loving. And I’ll have to settle for seeing the small moments, the little miracles, hearing the tiny whispers, and appreciating every single bit of happiness. I’ll have to recognize my weaknesses and accept my failures, and move on because that is the best I can do.

At the age of 19, my incredible niece is a cancer survivor. I believe her life is special and that there is so much waiting for her. She has stared into the darkness and come out alive. I imagine that she is destined for something amazing and beautiful.

We can let life just fly by or we can embrace each moment. The Holidays remind me of that because they are a constant. They have always been the barometer I used to measure how much value my life had.

But now, they are the barometer I use to measure how much I value my life.

My husband has instilled in me a love of Charles Dickens, “Christmas Carol.” We watch it dozens of times over the holidays because it often hits close to home. It reminds us that we only have one chance at this life and that it is ours to cherish or to lose.

“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!”

― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

I’m hosting my first big giveaway as a way to show appreciation for all of the wonderful people who visit me on a regular basis.

A year ago, I was in a very different place in my life and wasn't even sure if I would finish my first novel. Now, I've self-published two books with a third one in process. I know that I would have never been able to complete them without family, friends, and new friends who have given me so much support and encouragement.

So please click on the link and join in on the giveaway! And Thank You for all that you have given me just from being supportive and kind!!

"When you practice gratefulness, there is a sense of respect toward others."

~Dalai Lama

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I purposely didn’t post a blog on Thanksgiving about how thankful I was. Not because I thought I was above doing it. It’s because I wanted to give the concept of thankfulness a little more thought. I wanted to write something that didn’t sound trite and recycled. I wanted to express exactly how thankful I am.

The truth is, I AM extremely thankful for this life that I’ve been given, more than I can share.

So much so, that it sometimes feel more like fear or painful awareness than Thankfulness. I’ve been through some things in my life that I will never write about because they are just too horrible to revisit, and some things that I will never remember, that are probably equally so. For me to share my true thankfulness, I would have to share my entire life, which I won’t do. I believe that some things are meant to remain locked up deep inside, private and painful, to remind you of how fortunate you are to get to live.

The parts I share, through my writing, I only share because I know just how thankful I deserve to be.

My life has been a fabric of different thread, weaving in and out, bright and colorful, sometimes shameful, and often outright ugly. But each thread has meaning. Without one, there couldn’t be another, or another, or another, and then I would be nothing. Colorless, meaningless, without one stitch of gratitude within me. There have been many times that I have wished for that. But I realize that without it, I would cease to be what makes me who I am.

But life is hard. And there are moments when I want to pull my hair out and scream because I wish it was more. And then there are other times that I want to sit comatose, staring out of a window, because I wish it was less. More often, I feel that the true secret may be, just accepting what IS, which is something that I struggle with every single day. As a well-known, and well documented “control freak,” accepting that there are things outside of my control, has been the most brutal lesson of my entire life. It is the lesson that I believe is the key to understanding gratitude in its truest form.

I don’t think that I am there yet.

I still struggle too much with my life, with my path, with the threads that make me who I am. I look far too often at the road I’ve travelled instead of at the road ahead. And I’m still entirely too haunted, angry, and sad on a regular basis to live out this guise of thankfulness fully and truthfully every day.

But I’m trying.

I know where I need to go. I can see it, touch it, taste it. And some days I even achieve it, if not for the briefest of moments. Just sitting back, accepting, and appreciating what my life IS while acknowledging the path that I’ve taken to get there is truly being thankful. It’s not wishing that the thread were a different color, or woven a different way. It’s looking at the tapestry as a whole and understanding that true beauty is in the richness of each individual stitch. It’s loving each thread and not wishing that one had been different, or placed somewhere else.

I look forward to the day that I can look at my life that way, every day. I know in my mind that I have gotten here by decisions that I’ve made, and decisions that were made for me. I know that I am not a victim and that I choose how I view my life. And when it’s all said and done, that how I choose to view my life which will determine how I feel about it in the end.

With each passing day, it gets a little easier. And when I look into the eyes of my sweet, innocent, amazing children, is when I am the closest to feeling gratitude and life makes more sense. In the deepest place in my heart, I feel the glow of thankfulness and happiness every day. But I wanted to be honest so it didn’t sound as though I walk around on cloud nine, every day of my life.

Life is difficult, and we have to seek out the beauty that finds its way through the pain. And when we can do so, we can truly be more thankful.  

With all of the Black Friday sales, I thought it appropriate to put both of the Eva’s on Sale as well.

Leaving Eva-Kindle $.99/Regularly $2.99

Leaving Eva

Losing Eva-Kindle $1.99/ Regularly $2.99

Losing Eva

It’s no secret. I juggle. Everyday.

And with the busiest time of the year upon us, I know that I will desperately cling to my sanity as I do every year.

Sometimes I have so many balls in the air, I know that I’m never ever going to be able to catch them all. It was difficult to balance before I started writing again, a few years ago. And with the writing, it sometimes feels impossible to make time.

Being a Wife, mother, working career woman, daughter, I’m often spread extremely thin. But the writing is for me because I need it to clear my mind, and to be a better person. I need it to relieve stress, to exorcise my demons, and to work through the tangled web of thoughts that get cluttered up in my head. Making time in the midst of hearing my name called hundreds of times a day, can be extremely challenging, but I try every day.

Stories have always been something that I have always loved and needed, almost as much as the air that I breathe. Reading a good book and allowing it to transport, inspire me, and fill me with it’s beauty has opened me up to worlds that I never knew existed. Writing about them has been a privilege and has given me more joy than I ever thought possible.

But I’m torn as most of us are, when it comes to meeting our own needs, and meeting the needs of others. A great many of us, when we get to choose, put the needs of others first. I truly think that there are times that we have to give ourselves permission to choose to do the things that make us whole and make us feel right. Whether it is writing, or going to a yoga class, or a concert, or sitting in a coffee shop alone for an hour with our thoughts, we should just allow ourselves the time. We have to realize that we don’t do it to neglect our responsibilities, or the people in our lives that mean the most to us, but we need to do it in order to make ourselves whole. The better that we are, the better we can be for those around us. If we are not whole, we truly can’t be the person that we are meant to be.

We don’t always look at our lives like this. But I know that its what I need, for me. The reality is, that sometimes we simply become frustrated by our own lack of personal time to do the things that we want to do.

I don’t question that I can do everything. I know that I can, slowly, steadily, and with great care. I know that my children won’t be little for long and that they won’t want my attention as much in a few years. I know that my life today will be very different from my life in ten years from now. So for day, I have to be realistic in my priorities. I have to suck up the frustration sometimes and write when I can, not always when I want to. I have to accept that the story is still within me, waiting to be told, but that it’s going to be told a little slower than I may want it to.

Setting realistic priorities, expectations, and goals, will help me to be the best possible Me that there is. Which is best for everyone!

Part of the reason I write is because I can’t get my brain to slow down and be still. It’s always been that way for me, ever since I was young. This has served me well in a lot of areas of my life. But truth be told… It can be exhausting and frustrating. Reality can never keep up with the pace in my mind which has resulted in a personality of impatience.

My thoughts are in constant motion, jumping from one subject to the next and my dreams are the same. I’m sure they make medication for that, but I’ve always preferred a more creative outlet and have been fortunate to find one.

It seems as though over the years, I’ve tried something else.

Instead of rushing toward the next goal and finding frustration when I don’t get there quickly enough, I’ve been trying to stop and see where I’m stepping a long the way. As a person who has consistently been labelled a “results oriented” person, it has been a Herculean feat to be able to do this. But after many hard lessons, two children, and some much needed perspective, I’m FINALLY able to enjoy not only the results, but the journey and what it takes to get there.

I’m learning how to just, “BE.”

Be… In the moment.

Be… Content.

Be… Satisfied.

Be… Thankful.

Be… Kind and compassionate.

Be… Appreciative.

Be… Patient.

Be… Tolerant.

Be… Attentive.

Be… Understanding.

Be… Happy.

It’s easier, for me, to revert to the opposite of all of these “Be’s”. It’s a fast paced world and we are constantly obligated and busy. We are moving more toward instant gratification in our society than we should ever be. We are glued to our smart phones, instant communication, instant everything.

Myself included.

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology and instant results. I’m addicted to it, just like the next person. But one day, I woke up and suddenly I’m more than halfway through my life expectancy and I can’t pick up my babies anymore because they are too big. And I wonder, where did my life go?

I’ve been on this path of “just being” for a while now. While it goes against my very nature, but I find that when I stop, and take it all in, I feel more accomplished. I am content in a way that I never realized was possible. and I am at peace.

To Be… Or Not to Be. Should it really be a question?

Life is…

Loving, learning, hoping, hurting, wanting, dreaming…

Failing,

Reinventing,

Regrouping,

Redeeming,

Reflecting.

Life is…

Full of joy, sadness, sorrow, pain…

The quickening of the pulse,

The beating of the heart,

It’s the glory in the rise,

and the humiliation of the fall.

Life is…

asking for forgiveness,

Begging for truth,

Finding beauty in the pain.

It’s looking in the mirror,

and not liking what you see.

Life is…

about change,

about growth,

about loving who you are.

And knowing that you will

never be the same again.

Life is…

erasing Anger,

Letting go of Hatred,

Finding your compassion,

Finding yourself.

And Life is…

Beauty, sorrow, incredible, amazing, unimaginable happiness, and undeniable grief.

But through it all,

Life is a gift,

And Life is… Good.

It’s been quite a week. I released my second book and had my first Blog Tour! Whew! I’m tired and my brain is a little tweaked from reading all of the reviews. I’ve been feeling quite overwhelmed that people even read my book, let a lone appreciate it and understand it. It’s amazing that people love Eva as much as I do! I’m truly in awe and overwhelmed that they love her and her story so much. Here are some of my favorite lines from the reviews:

“This whole book is about choices, forgiveness, acceptance, loss, grief, circumstances, judgments, death, life. I don’t think there was a single emotion or topic that this author didn’t cover in this book. I was mentally exhausted, yet demanding more by the time I finished it. I woke up this morning and it was the first thing on my mind. I sobbed in the last chapter and then became angry and then I was so happy for Brynn, it was time her dream came true. But then back to sobbing because once again life and others choices took her dreams away. Finally I went to being scared out of my mind and hopeful at the last sentence. THAT WAS MY EMOTIONS FROM JUST ONE CHAPTER.”

T-bird~Life Becomes me http://lifebecomesme.wordpress.com/tbirds-reviews/3426-2/

“This book had a lot more surprises then I was expecting there would be. After all the heartache from book one I thought that this story would be more on the full romance side but man was I sadly mistaken. Drama, heartache, feelings that this book will give you is overwhelming…I give this book 4 1/5 stars. Thank you Jennifer Sivec for writing such an awesome book and looking forward to see what else comes out of that head of yours. “

Rick~One Guy and His Book Review http://www.oneguyandhisbook.blogspot.com/?zx=64d3da302026605b

“I don’t want to go to all of the details, because it is a story that you need to read the plot line as it develops. I think that right now I should have stock in Kleenex. My tears flowed and flowed and my heart wrenched from the emotions that I experienced. The story was so well constructed that at many times it played in my mind as a movie.

And OMG are there twists and turns. At times, I was left with my jaw dropping open.

I want to thank Jennifer Sivec for giving us readers a chance to see her difficult but beautiful stories. I look forward to reading more by Jennifer. I do suggest these books for reader’s TBR list. Reading Jennifer Sivec’s stories are permanently stamped in my memory”

Susan-Cruising Susan’s Book Reviews http://cruisingsusanreviews.com/2013/10/31/losing-eva-tour/

“Hope. And Unconditional Love. That’s what Losing Eva is all about. When you love someone more than life itself, you NEVER give up. You NEVER let them go. You NEVER abandon them. And that’s what gave me the strength and the sanity I needed to write this review, despite the fact that I am in tears right now. This incredibly pure message.”

Mia-Mia’s Point of View https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/749520922

It was hard to pick only a few lines to highlight, because they all touched me so much. These wonderful Bloggers also gave invaluable constructive criticism which I deeply appreciate!!

Debra, from Book Enthusiast Promotions was completely wonderful. Her follow up and communication was impeccable. I also loved how flexible she was with the Blogger and the Author, and coordinated everything to come together so well. She was great to work with, and I would definitely love to work with her again. For my very first tour, her support and help made everything flow smoothly, because I really had nooooo idea what to do. http://bookenthusiastpromotions.com/

I want to say Thank You to all of the Bloggers listed below for their amazing support! Your kind words, promotion, honesty, sharing, and passion for what you do is what makes being an Indie Author a worthwhile experience. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! If you are looking for some great reviews, great reads, and wonderful people… check them out. You won’t be sorry!!!!

http://bookscoffeeandwine.blogspot.com/

http://booklunaticramblings.blogspot.com/

http://hookedonbooksuk.blogspot.co.uk/p/home.html

http://roomwithbooks.wordpress.com/

http://babusbookshelf.blogspot.com/

http://tiffanytalksbook

http://www.bookladysreviews.blogspot.com/s.com/

http://www.oneguyandhisbook.blogspot.com/

http://miasworldview.blogspot.gr/

http://jenisbookshelf.blogspot.com/

http://cruisingsusanreviews.com/

http://fictional-m-r-f-b-h.blogspot.co.uk/

http://storiesandswag.blogspot.com/

http://www.crystalsmanyreviews.blogspot.com/

http://www.maryelizabethscrazybookobsession.com/

http://bookaholics2.blogspot.com/

http://www.bookladysreviews.blogspot.com/

http://rumpledsheetsblog.wordpress.com/

http://journeyintopureimagination.blogspot.com/

http://lifebecomesme.wordpress.com/

You can still get in on the giveaway for a free copy of Losing Eva. Check it out!!

http://bookenthusiastpromotions.com/losing-eva-by-jennifer-sivec-blog-tour/

Congratulations to a lovely lady, Candice Terry!!!!!!!

Check her out

Release Date: November 25,2013

Cover Created by: Dark Dawn Creations

Genre: YA Paranormal/Romance

Two years ago Alysun David's life was normal. Great school. Wonderful boyfriend.

But after one night of being abandoned at her high school dance nothing was ever the same.

Powers Alysun could never imagine have developed and her anger triggers them.

Terrified, her mother constantly keeps them on the move until they finally find themselves in the company of her mother's old friend…who doesn't look that old at all. Even in the small town of Hinckley, Ohio things seem to only get worse for Alysun and her heart longs for the one person that could help her.

As her powers progress unwanted attention is aimed Alysun's way and evil won't stay away long. Control is the only thing that can help her, but anger is sometimes harder to let go of than you

It’s official!  Losing Eva, the sequel to Leaving Eva, has been released on Amazon.com!  Brynn’a story continues as she continues to come to terms with her past.  Can she finally have the love and happiness she desires, or will her abusive past continue to haunt her?

Losing Eva (Volume 2)
http://amzn.com/1492917192