Allison Edwards's Blog

Nearly 9 years ago, I went to pick up a 10 lbs. puppy that I was hoping to become my therapy dog. I had just lost my previous dog, Jack, after 16 years, and was still grieving but the idea of having a puppy full of energy was appealing. I took him into my office when he was just 10 weeks old and after the first day, thought I had made the worst decision of my life. He threw up on the carpet, chewed my patient’s fingers to bits but the last session of the day a kid said to me, “Walter is the best thing ever!” That statement is what led me to bring him the next day and the next.

Over the past 8 years, Walter has rarely missed a day at the office. He would pace around all morning, watching my every move until we left for work. He would bound up the back steps at my office and anxiously await every kid (and parent) that I had scheduled for the day. He had some quirks that the kids loved hearing about: he had a sock eating problem, he didn’t eat breakfast or dinner but ate three lunches, he had his own basketball (we called WB for Walter ball) since he chewed on the other ones. He loved to chew on the blanket on the back of the couch, and after eating he would roll around on the rug, wiping his mouth with his paws which always brought a laugh from whomever was in the office.

Over the years, he comforted those who were grieving. He laid his head on the legs of those who were anxious, and became friends with those who were lonely. Walter seemed to make everything better and know just what the situation needed. Colleagues would often ask if they could borrow Walter if they had a patient who had experienced trauma or grief. When I taught classes at Vanderbilt, Walter would be in attendance, walking around the class looking for crumbs and sitting next to the student that would pet him the most. When I gave talks at local schools, Walter would come with me, greeting parents as they came in.

On Tuesday night, it was Walter who comforted me as I had to put him down after a battle with kidney disease. At the pet emergency room, I was distraught and overwhelmed with grief. He laid his head on my leg as I sobbed. Even at the end, Walter was the one to comfort. As grief goes, losing a pet is the hardest loss I’ve had to face. As others have shared recently, it is a different relationship, one of unconditional love and friendship. Thanks to all of you who have loved on Walter over the years. Being a therapy dog was the joy of his life and I am so honored he got to be mine.

Love to you all,

The post Saying Goodbye to My Dear Friend and Colleague appeared first on Allison Edwards.

I am excited to announce I will now be offering my most popular training sessions online! If Covid has taught us anything, it’s that we can be flexible in how we share information and connect with others. When I started speaking several years ago, I didn’t have kids, a family and could easily fly across the country. My life has changed and mental health needs have changed. Instead of waiting for the next Professional Development day, counselors and educators need information at a moment’s notice. Instead of waiting for a parent night at a child’s school, parents need to know how to build emotional muscles in their kids during these stressful times in the world.

Beginning this week, the following trainings will be available to counselors, educators and parents. You can buy an individual course to watch on your own or buy a course to present to your faculty, counselors or parent group. My aim is to make these courses as convenient and informative as possible. My online courses are much like my in-person courses: practical tools within content that is simple to understand.

Below is a list of courses:

Flooded: A Brain-Based Guide to Help Children Manage Emotions

Based on her best-selling book, Allison explains how parents, teachers, and counselors can help children regulate emotions. Filled with techniques, real-life examples and practical suggestions for setting up spaces to support emotional regulation, Allison will help adults identify flooded children and help them reset. In this program, adults will not only learn how to help children reset their brains but also how to reset their own brains when triggered by dysregulated children.

Helping the Helper: Self-Care for Counselors

We spend our days helping kids but how do we help ourselves? This program outlines self-care models for counseling professionals, uses humor and storytelling to normalize just how hard our jobs are, and leaves counselors feeling rejuvenated. Tips for how to structure the workday, balance home and work life and how to focus on your role will help counselors better manage their taxing jobs and give them strategies they can use for years to come!

15-Minute Counseling Techniques: What you Didn’t Learn in Grad School

Feel like you don’t have enough time to do counseling? Participants will learn 15 counseling techniques that can be implemented in less than 15 minutes from when a student walks into your office. The program can be suited to elementary, middle, or high school counselors (or a combination of all) and participants will not only learn the strategies but will be doing them alongside Allison as she teaches how to implement them. Get out your Play-Doh! This hands-on, experiential program will revolutionize your counseling department and help participants leave feeling empowered.

Helping Children with Trauma and Emotional Dysregulation

Educators work daily with students who are unable to regulate their emotions. Trauma and ACE’s are a large part of this epidemic and based on brain research, this workshop will help counselors learn how to identify triggers, teach effective coping strategies, and help students go from debilitated to empowered.

How to Build Resilience in Your Child

This course will help parents understand how the brain processes fear and the long-term benefits of doing hard things. Parents will learn practical strategies to help kids complete difficult tasks and how to stretch without breaking them. This program will prepare kids for the road!

Until the end of May, I am offering a 50% discount on all courses! Coupon code: HALFOFF

Link to my classroom: https://allisonjedwards.teachable.com/

Additionally, I will be adding new courses in June so stay tuned!

Sincerely,

The post Now Offering Trainings Online! appeared first on Allison Edwards.

I’ve spent the past 23 years as a counselor in Nashville and yesterday was the hardest. Having to process the events of a shooting just 2 miles from my office with school-age kids was overwhelming. Some kids were terrified to go back to school, while younger kids didn’t even know about the event. One middle school child said, “I’m used to it by now. This is how I’ve grown up.”

There are varying degrees of reactions but what remains the same is fear is present in childhood due to gun violence. I am reminded that while big issues like gun laws and school security remain, the emotional needs of children are what we need to prioritize most. Their lives are the ones shaped by the violence in schools. They will grow into adults who experienced school shooter drills as the norm, as sad as that is.

Many parents contacted me yesterday about how to talk to their kids about school violence. There are many good ideas about what to say (https://pepcleve.org/news-events/how-to-talk-about-scary-events-with-young-children/) but my hope is that instead of trying to get it right during this one conversation, we will begin changing the way we talk to children about fear. Instead of holding our breath hoping something bad doesn’t happen, we can prepare them with emotional awareness and strategies to manage the world we live in. We wouldn’t expect our child to read a novel without learning the alphabet. Nor can we expect them to process a violent attack on a school building without understanding the feelings that occur inside of them.

If we can’t prevent school shootings in this country, then we must prioritize emotional prevention for our kids. We must give them the ability to identify emotions at an early age. We must teach them how to reset their brains when emotions become overwhelming. Strategies like Square Breathing and Change the Channel help kids calm their bodies and focus on positive thoughts. Having a picture of loved ones inside their desk helps kids reset their brains by changing the most powerful sense: sight. Smelling a bandana with drops of lavender oil helps kids smell something different and calm the brain.

As I dropped my son off at school yesterday, one mile from where the shooting occurred, I was reminded that I must manage my own emotions during this time. We are the barometer for our kids. The way we handle these events will shape how they handle it. This is not the world I wanted to raise my kids in. This isn’t the world I wanted to be a parent in. The one thing we can do is focus on what’s happening inside of us. I did Square Breathing on the way to my office and hoped for a peaceful day. I am hoping the same for all of you.

To help kids process the event, I am offering 50% off all Feeling Cards until April 3rd. Code Feels50

Most Sincerely,

The post Helping Children Process Fear in the Aftermath of School Violence appeared first on Allison Edwards.

I grew up in the country, in a house without central heat and air. We had a furnace in the basement and every Saturday in the winter, my two siblings and I would load up in my dad’s Ford F150 and drive down to the woods behind our house. He would cut down a tree and use his chainsaw to make smaller logs so my siblings and I could load it into the bed of the truck. We called it “The Wood Trap” and often joked about how our dad would wake us up on Saturday mornings singing, “it’s time for the Wood Trap.” After the truck bed was full, we would drive back to the house, unload the wood and sip hot chocolate until we warmed up.

My dad would make trips throughout the day to add wood to the furnace. The Midwest winters were cold but we were always warm. The nighttime was tricky though. My dad chose wood that would last through the night so he wouldn’t have to wake up and add wood to the fire. I was just visiting my parents over winter break and my mom reminded me, “green wood holds.” My parents now have central heat and air but her knowledge of firewood has stuck with her. Green wood holds because it burns longer and can endure the night.

What things will we put in place this year that will “hold?” New habits, strategies, self-care, personal goals, etc. What preparation do we need to put in place to accomplish our goals? As parents, how can we prepare children to handle the “winters” of their lives. Are we helping them prepare or holding our breath hoping the winter will be mild?

One thing modern conveniences has allowed us is the privilege of not preparing. We are lucky enough to have central heat and air and trust that if our unit goes out, we can call our handyman and it will be fixed right away. In today’s climate of mental health, things are not so easy. Wait lists are long and we might not get help as soon as we think.

Building emotional emotional muscles is the green wood of mental health. It lasts. It takes kids through the winters of their lives, and allows them to handle whatever comes their way. The first step to building emotional muscles is to start teaching kids about emotions early. The second step is to teach them strategies to handle their emotions. No matter the winter, the strategies will hold.

As you think about this year and what you want for your kids, I encourage you to allow your children to go through difficult times. The “winters” of our lives are what make us strong. You don’t need to leave them alone during the winter but you can teach them strategies such as “Square Breathing,” “Change the Channel” and “Brain Plate” to help them get by. The winters are harsh and cold but when the Spring comes, we are grateful for all we have learned.

I am grateful for you all and for the lessons I have learned during the winters of my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without them and I know you wouldn’t be either.

To Building Emotional Muscles in 2023,

The post Green Wood Holds: What will Hold for You in 2023? appeared first on Allison Edwards.

Emotion Regulation is not easy. It is one of the hardest things we do in our lives. But, it is a lot easier when we learn how to do it in childhood. I was a child who couldn’t manage anxiety. I found ways to avoid anxious situations and over time, my life became small. When you avoid what makes you uncomfortable, you miss out on important opportunities, and missing out keeps you from growing. The goal of childhood is growth. We want kids to leave our homes with the ability to manage discomfort. If our primary goal is to make kids comfortable they won’t grow the emotional muscles that will carry them into the world, where they will need to be strong.

The steps to Emotion Regulation are simple, but not easy. If your child follows the steps, they will be able to handle just about anything.

The 4 Steps to Emotion Regulation

1. Acknowledge the Feeling – This is the most important step. What is the feeling? The identification and acknowledgement of feelings is what makes us aware of what’s going on inside of us. 3-years-old is a great age to start teaching children how to identify feelings. At this age, children are concrete thinkers so a visual of what feelings look like is most effective. You can get a set of 20 feeling cards here. I recommend you begin using feeling cards as a bedtime routine with your child. Ask your child to pick 3 feeling cards and identify what triggered each feeling (i.e. “I was sad when Sam didn’t want to play with me”). Then you pick 3 feelings and share what triggered each feeling. I would recommend you pick the feeling your child struggles with most everyday. If your child struggles with anger say, “I was angry when I got stuck in traffic.” The next day, choose something else that makes you angry. This helps normalize emotions and allows kids to see that parents have emotions to manage, too.

2. Rate the Intensity – How intense is the feeling? Draw a number line from 1-10, 1 being the least intense, 10 being the most intense. Ask your child to name what a 10 is for them (yelling, shutting down, hitting something), then move to a 5, a 1, and then fill in the rest. If the intensity of the feeling is 1-7, your child can use a coping strategy to manage the feeling. If they’re an 8-10, they need to reset their brain by changing the five senses. The easiest way to reset the brain (if you’re at home) is to take a shower. Taking a shower resets all of your senses. If your child is away from home, ask them to step outside (see something different), put a mint in their mouth (taste something different), smell lavender oil (smell something different), listen to their favorite song (hear something different). This will wake their brain up. For more information on the 8-10 (what I call Flooded) read Flooded: A Guide to Helping Children Manage Emotions. To help children learn how to measure the intensity of emotions, you can use this poster.

3.Identify the Trigger – We are triggered by the same themes throughout our lives. Our triggers have two themes: people or things. I am triggered by people so as I look back on my life, I have been triggered by teachers, coaches, friends, peers, co-workers, etc. This awareness helps me say, “there I go again,” when I feel I have let someone down or upset someone. Other people are triggered by things – money, jobs, weather, retirement, the economy, climate change, etc. Kids who are triggered by things worry about grades, careers, sports and being the best. Kids who worry about people are triggered by the opinion of peers, teachers, coaches, etc. The awareness of  themes help kids learn important information about their inner worlds. As they get older, they will understand their reactions to the events in their lives and be able to better manage emotions.

4.Choose a Strategy – Your child doesn’t need 10 strategies to manage emotions, they just need 2 or 3. At the end of the day, all anyone needs is the ability to relax the body and change thoughts. Square Breathing can relax your body and Change the Channel can help you choose a more productive thought. When kids come into my office, these are the first two strategies I teach. This set of feeling cards will give your child 20 strategies to choose from. As a parent, you might need your own strategies to help your children manage emotions. If that’s the case, you can find 15 parenting strategies here.

No matter where your child is in this process, it’s never too late to begin. I know many adults who are just starting the process. I know some 7-year-olds who could teach a class on emotion regulation. We are all at a different place, going at a different pace but what’s important is that we begin.

I join all of you in this process. As a parent. As a psychotherapist. As a person who is trying to do their best to manage all of the feelings.

Sincerely,

The post Teach Your Child to Manage Emotions in 4 Simple Steps first appeared on Allison Edwards.

Beat, beat, thump. Beat, beat, thump.

Those were the sounds pounding in my head as I waited for my plane to take off. I had always loved to fly. The thought of boarding a plane made me feel energized. For years, I had happily walked through terminals and stood in customs lines eagerly awaiting my next trip. But this time, I felt different.

It was my first flight after Covid, and nothing seemed the same. Everyone was wearing a mask. The flight was packed. I looked around wondering who might have Covid, if I would get it, and if I would bring it back home to my family. The thoughts were lightning flashes through my mind. My body was tense. The pounding in my head got louder and louder. So loud I could hardly think.

I got out my notebook and began writing. “Beat, beat, thump. Beat, beat, thump is a sound deep in my chest that lets me know something is wrong.” Those words became the first line of my new book.

Anxiety comes in all forms, but it is possibly the scariest when it impacts our bodies. When we can feel the beat of our hearts, the sweat on our palms or the dryness of our mouths it seems unescapable. We want to fix it. Make it go away. We would do anything to squash the feeling. On the other side of it, we regain our balance. Our heart beats at a normal rate, our bodies relax, our palms dry out and our mouths feel saliva again. It is only then that we realize we are ok.

At the start of the book, Alex only notices the beating of his heart when he’s worried. It beats loudly when he has a fight with a friend or a big test. As the story goes on, he notices the beating of his heart when he has other feelings. “Beat, beat, thump is the sound of my fears. But it is also the sound of my joy, my happiness, and a reminder that I am strong.”

This realization is powerful. If a child can learn the flip side of emotions, how to not run from anxiety but embrace it, it will change their life. We know from neuroplasticity research; the brains of children are much more capable of change. Childhood is like the center of an onion. As you grow, you keep adding layers. Change the center, the layers will follow. If you wait until adulthood to change, you must peel back all of the layers to get to the center.

By the end of the plane ride, my heart had calmed down. I had regained my equilibrium and felt my usual joy at arriving at a new destination. I had ridden out the internal storm but became acutely aware that even the things we are so comfortable with sometimes startle us. Our world is constantly changing. We are constantly changing and the only thing we can count on is our ability to manage the discomfort.

As we journey through this crazy time in the world, acceptance of emotions is really all we can do. Feelings aren’t as scary if we don’t run from them. The world is not as scary if we have the emotional capacity to handle what we encounter. I have boarded a number of planes since my first battle with plane anxiety. I haven’t experienced the fear again, but I know it could come back at any time. Either way, I won’t let it keep me from flying.

From today until Oct 26th, you can pre-order Beat, Beat, Thump and get a free resource bundle. The bundle is a great way to help children process the concepts in the book and learn ways to better manage anxiety. Hope you enjoy and as always, thanks so much for your support!

The post New Book Release! Beat, Beat, Thump: A Children’s Book to Help Children Understand Panic and Anxiety first appeared on Allison Edwards.

I’m excited to announce my newest product to help children manage emotions! The poster takes children through the same emotion regulation steps I use in my office: Identify the feeling Rate the Intensity Choose a Strategy Reset the Brain Whether you’re five or eight-five, the steps are the same. The poster is $18, 18″x 25″, laminated and ready for years of use. I recommend it for classrooms...

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Nearly two years ago, I gave a talk where I emphasized the importance of using feeling cards with children. I shared that it helps children open up about emotions and at the end of the talk, shared my favorite feeling cards and told everyone to go buy a set. The next day, I received an email from a number of participants saying the cards were no longer available. The company was going out of...

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Earlier this year, I released Flooded: A Brain-Based Guide to Help Children Manage Emotions. The book was for parents, educators and caregivers and just after releasing it, the message I heard from readers was clear: we need a book like this for kids. I’d been sharing this information with kids in my office for many years and referred to the amygdala – the fear center of the brain – as a peanut.

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1 in 6 children meet the criteria for a mental health disorder. By adulthood that number will double. In 2019, the World Happiness Organization reported the United States was the least happy it has ever been. One of the reporters said, “By most accounts, Americans should be happier now than ever. The violent crime rate is low, as is the unemployment rate. Income per capita has steadily grown over...

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