Letter to My Ex-Boyfriend (which is far better than any book I may write about him)
As some of you may know – and some of you may not know – my Facebook status once again changed recently. You likely read my prior blog entry entitled "In a Relationship" in which I described my feelings of conflicting anxiety and excitement at finally working up the nerve to announce my "new" relationship on Facebook (even though we had been dating for a year and a half).
Well, it seemed only apropos to my recurring anti-fairy tale ending that my relationship would fall apart nearly the moment I changed my FB status. Perhaps, it had fallen apart months before. I don't know and it's not really worth it to know, because knowing would somehow cheapen the whole affair. And it was a love affair. So now it's time for me to put pen to pad and write about my most recent romantic failure, right? I mean, I wrote an entire novel about my old relationships – shouldn't I be writing about this one, too? As he drives away in a U-Haul, isn't this the perfect time?
No.
Why not? All I can say is that I think it would destroy all the good that we had together – and there was a lot.
But I do feel obligated… yes obligated… to write something to you (or maybe more to him). Party because I'm officially a semi-autobiographical author now (even though I still see myself as a lawyer who wrote a book, or, more like, as a wactress who turned into a lawyer who then wrote a book). I feel as if it is somehow my "Just Hit Send" (as opposed to "Save as Draft") duty to make some sort of statement or to acknowledge, at the very least, with honesty the demise of my relationship. So alas here it is for all of you who care but most importantly here it is for him:
Dear Ex-Boyfriend:
Thank you. I'm so glad we met at that restaurant in Charlotte two years ago. I will never forget the way you made me feel – the spark you jolted into my heart which I thought had been forever deadened after too many failed relationships.
You are a 20 on the Scale of Life. And you never dimmed my sparkle. If I claimed that you had dimmed it at times, it was only me that was the dimmer.
You taught me about unconditional love. I'm so sorry I couldn't give you that in return.
For many reasons – reasons that I have listed over and over again – it wasn't meant to be. I hope you know that our separation was partly caused by my own fear and also by my timeline. I know that I have always been in such a rush. I'm hoping you have shown me how to slow down.
And breathe.
A wise man once told me I needed to learn how to breathe. You've shown me that what he said all those years ago was true.
I wish you all the best. I hope you get everything in life that you have ever dreamed of. I hope you are a success – really, you already are. And, most of all, as hard as this is to say – I hope you meet the love of your life because it may not be me and time will only tell if you were mine. If you were and are, then it is surely my loss, an even greater loss than I have already suffered when you left.
You are special and a great, great man.
I am so much better for knowing you.
Always,
Love, me
Well, it seemed only apropos to my recurring anti-fairy tale ending that my relationship would fall apart nearly the moment I changed my FB status. Perhaps, it had fallen apart months before. I don't know and it's not really worth it to know, because knowing would somehow cheapen the whole affair. And it was a love affair. So now it's time for me to put pen to pad and write about my most recent romantic failure, right? I mean, I wrote an entire novel about my old relationships – shouldn't I be writing about this one, too? As he drives away in a U-Haul, isn't this the perfect time?
No.
Why not? All I can say is that I think it would destroy all the good that we had together – and there was a lot.
But I do feel obligated… yes obligated… to write something to you (or maybe more to him). Party because I'm officially a semi-autobiographical author now (even though I still see myself as a lawyer who wrote a book, or, more like, as a wactress who turned into a lawyer who then wrote a book). I feel as if it is somehow my "Just Hit Send" (as opposed to "Save as Draft") duty to make some sort of statement or to acknowledge, at the very least, with honesty the demise of my relationship. So alas here it is for all of you who care but most importantly here it is for him:
Dear Ex-Boyfriend:
Thank you. I'm so glad we met at that restaurant in Charlotte two years ago. I will never forget the way you made me feel – the spark you jolted into my heart which I thought had been forever deadened after too many failed relationships.
You are a 20 on the Scale of Life. And you never dimmed my sparkle. If I claimed that you had dimmed it at times, it was only me that was the dimmer.
You taught me about unconditional love. I'm so sorry I couldn't give you that in return.
For many reasons – reasons that I have listed over and over again – it wasn't meant to be. I hope you know that our separation was partly caused by my own fear and also by my timeline. I know that I have always been in such a rush. I'm hoping you have shown me how to slow down.
And breathe.
A wise man once told me I needed to learn how to breathe. You've shown me that what he said all those years ago was true.
I wish you all the best. I hope you get everything in life that you have ever dreamed of. I hope you are a success – really, you already are. And, most of all, as hard as this is to say – I hope you meet the love of your life because it may not be me and time will only tell if you were mine. If you were and are, then it is surely my loss, an even greater loss than I have already suffered when you left.
You are special and a great, great man.
I am so much better for knowing you.
Always,
Love, me
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