The following is just some random musings from me. It's just a little something for those of you that like to get inside of the author's brain.      The topic of my jumbled thoughts today is: Doubt.       What a horrible monster Doubt is, he's always hanging on you and eating at your confidence. He ranks right up there with Worry and Stress. If you really think about it, I believe Doubt is the child of Worry and Stress.      I find it slightly humorous that my husband has become my confessional coach. I tell him about my monster Doubt during my confessionals. Last night, this was my confession:     "Someone will approach me, and they'll ask, "Hey, are you the girl that wrote a book?", and in that moment, I regret that I ever wrote it." I said, hanging my head.     "Why do you say that?" He asked, looking concerned.      "I don't know. It's just… I've worked so hard, and taken every bit of advice, and pushed everything out there and I'm not getting a response. It makes me think that it's not that good.     "(Name protected) says that if you're good, they'll come to you. (Name protected) says their first book has been downloaded over 75000 times, although the download was free.     "Then I read an article that says people are reluctant to buy a book from a first time author, so I pushed up Legacy, even though I said I wouldn't publish it until I broke even with Endlessly. I'm still in the hole, and now I'm digging that hole deeper in the hopes that I still might break even. I never expected to become rich, I don't want that. I don't want to be famous; I just want to break even. I knew the odds going in weren't good. I didn't set the bar high because I didn't want to hit my head when I didn't even come close to clearing it.     "But there's a point where I'm asking myself – Is it really worth it? I mean… Legacy will happen, I already paid for it. There's no sense in not going through with it.     "I don't get it I guess. How can (Name protected) write a great review, stating "Better than (Name protected)" and still no one is reading it?     "It makes me think that it's not that great, and I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the trouble."     He replies. "(Name protected) buys his car parts at (Name protected); I've only bought one thing from them. You know why? Because I've never heard of them, I don't know what kind of warranty they have, or if they stand behind their parts. People don't know you; you need to get your name out there."     I sigh. "I know, but I've tried everything that I can think of. Facebook, a blog, forums, I spent (?$) mailing out all those book marks to book stores, and still nothing. They (the book stores) probably get crap like that all the time and throw it in the trash without even looking at it. I've done all that I can think of online, and I can't afford to advertise."     "Who would throw away a free book?" He asks.      "I didn't send any books," I replied. "Just the book marks. That's an idea though; they get a free book and 100% of the profit. They probably have rules about soliciting though, that's why I sent the stuff to mom and pop shops, but still…. I didn't send books because it costs me so much out of pocket to give away books, but then you add postage on top of that…and all the advertising in the world won't do any good if the book sucks."     (A reminder: to this day my husband has never read anything that I have written and I don't want him to. I really don't like for people I know to read the story, because I'm afraid they will lose respect for me if they don't like it. But, people that I know seem to be the only ones interested in it.)     "You just need to give it more time." He said. "All it will take is for the right person to read it."     "If I'm lucky." I respond.      "You should wrap it in Christmas paper when you mail it to reviewers."     I laughed, "Christmas paper?"     "Well hell yeah. If I got a bunch of packages every day, and I saw one wrapped like a present, I would open that one first. I would be like, "Holy cow, I got a present."     I laughed again, "I don't think it works that way."     (This is the monster Doubt that I am sure that most independent authors battle constantly.)     With this little clip of my life, I will add an update. It looks as though I will be getting some of the first few chapters of Legacy next week. I will post the first chapter as soon as I have reviewed it and given it a name. I don't name the chapters until after they have been edited.     Oh yeah, I added a page to this blog that contains my paintings. Enjoy.
Have pleasant vampire, werewolf, and zombie dreams. www.authorcvhunt.comwww.authorcvhunt.com