Wednesday's Writing on Writing

Here's a problematic phone scene, from an unpublished manuscript:

The tinny ring echoed through the dark house. The shiny white receiver waited on the stone countertop. Another outburst. Chester, handsome, dark- "Hi, Chester. It's Mary."

You get the idea. Here's my version:

Late that night, Mary phoned.

Give the readers credit. If you tell them Mary phoned Chester, they can assume Chester heard the ring, stood, moved to the phone, picked it up, and introduced himself. You'd be amazed at how many manuscripts are cluttered with such details.

Even in a period piece in which the baking of a cake from scratch is an engrossing trip down memory lane, the good writer gives readers credit for thinking. While she may outline all the steps the heroine goes through to make the cake, she will avoid having her rise and stride to the kitchen or even pull open the oven door – unless there's something about that oven door novel enough to include. If the character has to use a towel to lift the iron lid, fine. But if she does that, we know she had to stand and walk first.

Skip the recitals of ordinary life. We all get dressed, walk out to the car, open the door, slide in, turn the key, and back out of the driveway. If your character backs into the garbage truck, that's a story. Just say it:

"That morning, as Bill backed out of the driveway, his mind was on the tongue-lashing he had endured the day before from his boss. Only when he heard the ugly crunch and scrape and his head snapped back did he realize he had not bothered to check his rearview mirror. He had plowed into a garbage truck that looked half as big as his house."