No, thank you. I love the smell, but I’ve never acquired a taste for the stuff. I feel like a bit of an outsider with all the coffee memes I see on my Facebook feed every day.

My coffee aversion isn’t simply due to caffeine avoidance. I don’t drink decaf, either.I can deal with tea, but don’t particularly favor it. If I’m going to drink something hot, it’s going to be cocoa (complete with a hit of Reddi-Whip and chocolate syrup drizzle).

I also loathe colas (there’s a story behind that, I’ll...