I’m going to jump. 

And why, on this fresh but sunny November afternoon? I just got the proposed jacket design for The Early Birds, that’s why. I’m not going to display it yet because I live in feeble hope that they’ll come up with something better. They won’t though.

The aim, apparently, was to give me an Anne Tyler look. All very well because she’s had some spiffing covers, but Anne Tyler is Anne Tyler. How about a Laurie Graham look? And given that Early Birds is a sequel to The Future Homemakers of America, which had a fabulous (and much imitated) cover, wouldn’t you think they’d do a riff on that? Like a row of old ladies in deckchairs? Like a cover that says ‘This book will probably make you laugh.’

I despair. Is it too late for me to do something useful with my life? Firefighter? Brain surgeon? Office cleaner?