I had to read over 300 pages this weekend. . . for school. I don't mean to complain, the truth is I am having a blast with my program, and I enjoy being challenged because I'm actually learning from it, but it sucks having free time at the end of the day when you're already exhausted and you have to decide between putting your energy towards something that gets you paid, or something that makes you happy (the paid usually wins).

Editing has unfortunately taken a major back seat. I think I've edited about 10 pages in three days, then I usually pass out with my computer on my lap, or if I'm with my GF that evening, with Shameless on in the background (she got me hooked on the show I can't help it).

I will say, since I have been too busy to dedicate enough time to my novels, I am currently getting back into short stories. I think I may need to read more shorts though because it's been around three years of novel writing for me now, so I'm still hardwired for novel mode. Writing a short story is more difficult than writing a novel. It's difficult to condense ideas to under 10k words let alone under 5k.

I have five stories currently in the works on my computer, I try to do 1-2k words for one of them on any given day (I know not a lot), but a lot of that time is me talking myself out of expanding the story into a novel. It's been a rough learning curve, which is funny because when I first started writing I looked at novels as daunting and would crank out a short story a day.

I wanted to write this today because I had a little extra time and have crossed off most of my morning to-do list already. It's been a while since I wrote anything substantial for this blog and I didn't want it to be dormant for too long.

I'm just feeling a little--I don't know, not lost, because I still know what it is I want out of life, but definitely a little rutterless. Like I'm trapped in rough waters with no sails or steering. Just when I see an opportunity, another priority crashes on me. I had an interesting conversation with one of my author friends about greatness (because I think it's something a lot of people want, not everyone but enough to make it a relatable topic). We were talking about day dreams vs realities and how when we see our ideal futures in our heads it all just makes sense. We see the steps we have to take, and we see when we reach them, but then when we hop back to reality the steps are less clear or the time frame seems impossible.

In our heads, or at least in my head, being great seems so easy, all you have to do is great things-- lol but then you say it outloud and you realize how ridiculous that sounds.

Yeah all you have to do is great things, like write 10k a day and cut back on sleep because who needs that, not to mention all your other responsibilities can obviously be done in just a couple hours--and--and, yeah then reality strikes and certain tasks take a little too long, others fall through, a long day knocks you off your feet, you get into bed around 10 or 11 with plans to finally get personal priorities done and bam sleep hits you with a haymaker.

Success comes and goes, and even lets the lucky ones win, but greatness-- I mean thats hard. It's daunting, always towering over you, taunting your effort and progress, making you question if it's really in the cards for you. You can try as hard as you want, give it 100% only to find you needed to give 110. It's that ever changing point that no matter how fast you move or how far you travel it's always just a bit too far.

I hope this post didn't depress anyone reading it lol it's not meant for that purpose. It's just been one of those short weeks of self reflection, which of course stemmed from long weeks of self reflection lol.