I ordered the last book on Ingram for my story, The Art of Science. My contract was over in January 2018, and while the rights had reverted to me, I have been stuck staring at books available through online sellers and I felt I couldn’t do anything else with it until that last book sold.

So only one was available – buy now! The book arrived today. It’s a bittersweet moment, knowing it’s really out of print and only available secondhand. I still have no idea how many my publisher still has – she said she’d tell me a number and offer them for me to purchase but she never replied back to me about it.

Staring at that envelope, knowing the last book is in there, I’m not sure what to feel. It’s a bit more real. That book was a huge journey for me. I learned a lot in the process of getting it out there and then again once it was out.

I have worked hard with writing since then, but I haven’t worked hard with publishing. I have two small children – though they’re both in school now. I finished a draft last week- and it left me a little bit at odds, now what? I shouldn’t just be waiting for my readers to get a little farther in before jumping back into the edits.

One mistake I made last Monday was digging into the drafts that I have, and printing out a couple that I hadn’t. Some of them were learning experiments and some of them are worth fixing. Which led me to my brand and my platform and what I’m willing to focus my time on for edits. Planning is hard. Taking that time to examine the daily schedule and what it is that’s calling me is a difficult venture. I’ve been feeling the winds change around me and I’m trying to be ready to go in new directions.

I do mean directions. It isn’t just one thing that’s come to a tipping point. It’s about three that I’m recognizing, and there are probably a couple more that I simply haven’t acknowledged yet. Occasionally there’s trouble in just knowing the change is coming, and anxiety is rampant when it’s an unidentified change and you’re not sure when it’s coming or where it’s going. Luckily I’m a yoga teacher and I’m getting a good practice to be mindful and present in this moment and make good choices as they come.

Wish me luck.

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