Do I really believe that suicide attacks are effective? Aren't they, in fact, a foolhardy enterprise for flyers like us without any escort planes or any armaments of our own? ... Is it true that self-sacrifice is the only thing that gives meaning to death? To this question the warrior is obliged to reply 'yes', while knowing full well that his suicide mission has no meaning,

Lieutenant Nagatsuka, recalling his last thoughts as he sat in the cabin of his Ki-27 fighter, Japanese air-force, World War II.  He was given the signal to turn back, because heavy rain and fog obscured his target. He reflects:

I experienced no real sense of having had a narrow escape. Still less did I feel the slightest joy on finding myself back at base. With an empty soul I followed the path that led to the underground barracks. I made no effort to avoid the puddles, but trampled right through them, vacant, distracted, totally unaware whether I was walking or reeling like a drunkard. The wet cornfields stretched out far into the distance. I saw their green tapestry without looking at it - that green which I had never expected to see again. Yesterday it had been friendly and familiar, but now it was almost hostile. Surely it was reproaching me for having failed in my mission. At this thought a great sadness filled my heart: the corn had the right to continue growing, at least until autumn, whereas my own existence was undeserved and provisional.