There is a lot of talk about "emotional unavailability" and while I do acknowledge that some people are simply emotionally unavailable; I also think that everyone does need to ask themselves, "Why do I expect other people's emotions to be available to me?"

We tend to have this unspoken belief that the emotions of another person should be an open, eat-all-you-can buffet we are entitled to have access to. But I don't even know how we got here! This is unhealthy, to say the least.

It is unhealthy and it is unnatural. Before another person's emotions become available to you, that person needs to establish what your place in their life might be. The nature of the relationship needs to first be identified. Your standing in their life needs to first be determined.

It is unnatural to expect emotional availability from another person before the nature of the relationship or friendship has been established. Why should anyone be available to you before they've determined your value in their lives, and vice versa? A person who wants to immediately be available to that degree is probably someone not stable enough to be sustainable with in the long run.

Emotional availability is a developed act of nature; it's not something you can force in order to feel like you actually have the security of that relationship; no matter what type of relationship that may be (platonic or romantic). Sometimes it develops very fast, other times slowly, and other times, it never develops at all (regardless of time), because you're just not compatible.

Incompatibility is a real thing. And it can come across as disrespectful to overlook that. It's respectful to identify the ways you're incompatible and not force beyond those boundaries. Let the person be the way they are and vice versa. However, with a different person, it might just click from day one and feel like you've know each other forever. But when it's not that, it's just not that.

We all need to stop expecting other people's availability to meet us where we want to be met just because we want to be met there. Everyone needs to establish another person's place in their life, so they may then proceed accordingly. It's never okay to expect a jump to the parts that feel good if it's not actually mutually happening for everyone involved.

People can sense when you want a friendship or a relationship because you want it to fill up your needs, vs. when you've met a person you actually want to get to know because you feel like it may be compatible for the both of you. There is a big difference there! We all need to desire to live organically from the heart, as opposed to setting up bucketlists of what we need from people.