The Pieces Shatter Just So
Writing is everything to me. It's what I do. It's what I am. If I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing. I've said this many, many times over the years, if I don't write, people around me know. I've gone months without writing anything for any number of reasons. Every time I sit down to write, everything comes out crap, or I just don't "feel" anything coming out on the page. I've decided multiple times over the years to stop writing, but I always, always, always come crawling back.
What is it about writing? Where did this desire come from? Why do I do it? That is one of the most burning questions I constantly think about it. Why? Why dig so deep and prod those dark thoughts swirling about my head. Why dwell on such horrible things and put my characters through such hell? Why can't I write about bright and shinny happy things? Believe me, I've tried and there's always something dark that slips in under the door and oozes it's way into the story. I could blame my upbringing, but that's just a cop out. I could blame many things that have gone wrong in my life...my marriage, my relationships, whatever...but again that's a cop out and it's never that simple.
The title of this blog is from a recent story that I wrote. There was no idea for it, it simply stumbled out one night. I had no idea what the story was going to be about or even if I was going to finish it, until I did. Those are the best kinds of stories, those that come out of nowhere. Sneak up on you and fester until it simply HAS to come out. You wanna know why I write? This is why, for that feeling, that surge of desire to see where this rabbit hole goes. Even now, the words I'm using to describe this feeling are inadequate, I really can't put into words this feeling I get when I'm in the zone. But if you're a writer, then you know that I'm trying to describe.
No matter what happens, no matter how many times I may stumble into a depressive hole of self loathing and self pity, I will always write, even if it's only in my head for a time, I will always write. It's who I am.
What is it about writing? Where did this desire come from? Why do I do it? That is one of the most burning questions I constantly think about it. Why? Why dig so deep and prod those dark thoughts swirling about my head. Why dwell on such horrible things and put my characters through such hell? Why can't I write about bright and shinny happy things? Believe me, I've tried and there's always something dark that slips in under the door and oozes it's way into the story. I could blame my upbringing, but that's just a cop out. I could blame many things that have gone wrong in my life...my marriage, my relationships, whatever...but again that's a cop out and it's never that simple.
The title of this blog is from a recent story that I wrote. There was no idea for it, it simply stumbled out one night. I had no idea what the story was going to be about or even if I was going to finish it, until I did. Those are the best kinds of stories, those that come out of nowhere. Sneak up on you and fester until it simply HAS to come out. You wanna know why I write? This is why, for that feeling, that surge of desire to see where this rabbit hole goes. Even now, the words I'm using to describe this feeling are inadequate, I really can't put into words this feeling I get when I'm in the zone. But if you're a writer, then you know that I'm trying to describe.
No matter what happens, no matter how many times I may stumble into a depressive hole of self loathing and self pity, I will always write, even if it's only in my head for a time, I will always write. It's who I am.
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