Last week I baked a cake for myself for my 51st birthday. Today I went for a run for the first time in three weeks…then I came home and baked another cake! Definitely stress-eating. I should blog more often because my head has been full and my heart has been heavy. Now someone’s trying to start something with me on Instagram but I’m not taking the bait. The numbers given by anti-racist scholar Ibram X. Kendi (left) have gone up because the bombing of Gaza hasn’t stopped. October is over so I’m no longer writing a poem a day but I did start a new picture book this morning. What can I offer the hungry, frightened, grieving children of the Middle East? A story.

It’s National Novel Writing Month and I *do* plan to finish a novel by the end of November but I’ve still got Ireland on my mind. So I’m doing a little research on the Irish presence in Nevis, and then I’m spending a bit of time on my new picture book story, and THEN I turn my attention back to The Oracle’s Door. A thousand words a day gets me a finished prequel by the end of the month. While I was in Dublin, I heard from an agent that I queried last summer. But after drawing the Tower card during my birthday tarot reading, I wonder if I should even be trying to find representation—again. I haven’t had an agent in over a year and that means I haven’t been able to submit my work to editors at the corporate publishers (the ones that pay the biggest advances). Maybe continuing to operate outside of “the system” makes more sense than trying to break back in. But that means reducing my overhead and finding another way to earn a living. Taking a stand for the people of Palestine may cost me some professional opportunities. I sent the agent my best picture book story and they said they read it over and over, the writing was so beautiful…but ultimately they didn’t feel they could sell it in today’s “highly competitive market.” The corporatization of the publishing industry makes writing like mine less interesting to the teams of editors, marketers, and salespeople who only greenlight projects that are most likely to make money for shareholders. Quality of writing doesn’t even enter into the equation anymore…

The “irrational optimist” I referenced in my Sutherland lecture seems to have struck again; for the third time in three years I have been nominated for the Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award. I’m grateful—it’s definitely an honor—but I’m realistic about how awards work. That’s something I discussed in my Sutherland lecture, the excerpt of which is available now in the print edition of Horn Book; the digital version should be online soon.

Today’s a stay-home-and-write day so I hope you have a good weekend and can find a healthy way to find comfort as we navigate these sad, stressful times.