There is no doubt that God created us to be relational creatures. With that in mind, let’s look at relationships especially toxic relationships which seem to abound in life.

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” Please do not interpret this to mean that you should leave an unbelieving spouse. It means, do not choose an unbeliever to be your spouse. It is also an instruction to choose believers as friends because a mutual relationship with Jesus Christ is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Now let’s move on to discussing toxic relationships and their impact on our lives. A toxic relationship is harmful to one or both parties. A toxic relationship acts as a trigger that activates our old, unhealthy behavior.

I believe that one reason this is true is a toxic relationship lacks trust. The history of the relationship shows that bad things happen when you get together. You expect something bad to happen, but you find some excuse to try some interaction despite the historical record. Then something happens that triggers an old memory or hurt to send you off and run toward your old behavior. When it’s over with you’re left with guilt and resentment to deal with.

You can blame repeated interactions on the obsessive nature of toxic relationships. We allow emotion to rule instead of objective consideration of the relationship. All too often you’ll hear “I love them,” or “I’ll hurt someone’s feelings if I don’t see them,” or “We share an interest in some activity.” The list goes on and on, but the truth is that you just can’t give up for some indefinable reason. In my case, I just had to do the right thing. Can we say, co-dependency class?

I believe that we should accept this obsessive behavior as idol worship because it replaces Jesus as the focus of our lives.

Toxic relationships also elicit excessive emotional responses from both parties during confrontations. Consider spousal abuse as the worst of these responses. Most often arguments result and it’s always about the same old thing. It is impossible to have a rational discussion with a toxic relationship.

An excellent example of a toxic relationship is Jesus and Judas. We all know the result of Judas’ betrayal of Jesus, but did you ever consider what led Judas to this horrible act? Judas was a thief and he stole from the group purse Judas resented expensive gifts being given to Jesus. It’s not hard to imagine that Judas resented Jesus’ perfection and kindness, even to himself. As a result, Judas arranged for the crucifixion of Jesus. Jesus let Judas go from the upper room and he did not try to renew the relationship with Judas. He knew that Judas had to decide to repent or die.

Toxic relationships are not based on obedience to the will of God, they are incomplete spiritually. Their foundation is strictly the relationship and the other person. As such, both parties are disappointed which leads to more resentment. The greatest of relationships worship together at the foot of the cross.

Toxicity corrupts good character in both parties. Resentments, anger, and even hatred result from such relationships. It is easier to drag down good character through a toxic relationship than to raise the relationship, but all things are possible with God.

If a toxic relationship is to be healed it must be done through faith in Jesus Christ and both parties must be willing to allow these Christ-like changes to take place in their lives.

Christ-like character means love, sometimes agape love, and others it is intimate love. Just be sure that you understand the true nature of love. Paul gives us a complete commentary on the nature of real love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Paul writes, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Love, especially the love of God embodies the very best virtues to which we can aspire.

Have you prayed about the relationship, present or future relationships? You can pray for it to work, but most importantly pray for God’s will. Does He want you in this relationship? Is it a good one for you?