By David K. Shipler 

                TheShipler Report has obtained an early draft of the National DemocraticCommittee’s manual for the next presidential candidate. It is the result of thepost-election self-flagellation that only Democrats can perform with suchalacrity. Here it is: 

                “DearCandidate (insert name),

                DonaldJ. Trump has become a model of how to win elections in the new America.Following his successful campaign in 2024, we strongly recommend adopting his top ten techniques, as follows: 

1.     Begin to lie as soon as your lips start moving.

2.     Use only superlatives, as in, “We will have thebest hurricanes ever,” and, “We have the worst open sewers in history. Nobodyhas ever seen anything like it.”

3.     Read Mein Kampf – great tips

4.     Terrify the citizenry and badmouth the countryas swarming with swarthy, pet-eating ex-convicts and insane, blood-poisoninginvaders.

5.     Use these four words often, no matter what theproblem, imagined or real: “I will fix it.”

6.     Ramble for hours incoherently in front of large audiencesby “weaving” unrelated digressions into a tangled web that makes you seemcognitively impaired.

7.     Sell Bibles that include an extra New Testamentbook with your name, and a preface reading, “The Gospel According to_________.” Price it exorbitantly so people know it’s valuable.

8.     Sell bright blue MAGA hats, but don’t tellanyone that the initials stand for “Make America Gullible Again.”

9.     Pretend to perform a sex act with a microphone.

10.  Losemillions in lawsuits for sexual assault, and keep bragging about grabbingwomen’s pussies. Most men love that, and millions of women do, too.”

This is satire. It’s all made up (except for what isn't), adisclosure made necessary by the absurdity of current reality, which preventslots of people from telling the difference between truth and fiction.