New Year’s resolutions: the annual ritual of declaring war on your own bad habits while simultaneously proving that you, in fact, are your own worst enemy.

“I’m going to learn Spanish, quit caffeine, organize my closet, and become someone who hits the gym every morning!”

Aaaaand a few days later, it’s all on fire.

New Year’s resolutions failing doesn’t even seem like an accident anymore; it feels as much a part of the tradition as resolutions in the first place. The worst part is how quickly i...