It’sone of those nights. I’m sure you have all experienced it. You areso sleepy. You go to bed. Two hours later your eyes pop wide open andevery “to-do” item begins marching through your brain, along withold memories, and all the “what if’s,” and the worries overchildren/grandchildren, or maybe a sibling or parent that is havingproblems.

       Ishould sleep because I have so much to do tomorrow.But you can’tsleep because you can’t stop thinking about all the things you needto do tomorrow (or perhaps “today” because the wee morning isalready here.

       Howcan I stop this? How can I shut off my brain?

       Well,usually it can’t be done. TV gets so boring … all those old showsyou have watched for 50 years and know all the lines to … all thosetedious shopping networks … all those advertising programs, vacuumcleaners, magic spot removers, leg exercisers, massage mats, hosesthat crinkle back into a fist-size ball … you know what I mean.Late-night/overnight TV is incredibly tedious and repetitious.

       Mybiggest problem with sleeping through the night is thinking about allthe stories I still want to write, as well all my characters from allmy books. They are so alive to me, and I can’t help hoping theywill live on long after I am gone. It’s a nice feeling to know Iwill leave something behind for others to enjoy, and that a part ofme will still be with my readers and with future readers I will nevermeet.

       Iguess I’m getting too sentimental here. That, too, seems to move inwith force in the middle of the night. Seems like every memory andemotion becomes exaggerated and magnified when you are lying awakeand staring at the ceiling.

       Irefuse to take sleeping aids. They can be habit forming and I usuallyfeel crummy in the morning. I figure if I can’t sleep, I will getup and do something … write. That is why I am writing this blog. Ididn’t plan it at all. When I blog, it is usually spontaneous, andusually at 2:00 am or some such ungodly hour. I never have slept in.Ever. If I sleep past 7 am I feel guilty for being so lazy. Even whenI am wide awake at this ridiculous hour, if and when I fall asleep, Istill don’t sleep past 7. But 99% of the time I am awake again at4:00 am and I get up and get things ready for the day, like layingout some clothes, putting away dishes from the dishwasher, makingcoffee, packing a little food and notebooks for my part-time job atWhirlpool, things like that. Sometimes I pack my laptop because Iwrite everywhere, including at work when things get slow.

       Thatbrings back memories of writing itself. That’s how I used to writewhen my boys were little and I had a full-time job. I did what I call“sneak writing” at work and I wrote through my lunch hours. Iwrote early mornings. I wrote after supper and into the night afterthe family went to bed. I almost never watched TV because it tookaway from my writing. I wrote in the corner of the living room in ourthen-tiny house while the boys wrestled and goofed off 3 feet awayand the TV blared 5 feet away. I learned how to block things out. Igot lost in my stories and ignored everything else. I will never knowhow I did it or when I slept, other than knowing I never got morethan 4-5 hours of sleep at night.

       Myonly problem now is that it’s a lot harder for me to sit for hoursand hours at the computer, and it’s harder to multi-task like that.It takes me longer to finish a book now, and that’s one of thethings I lie awake at night thinking about. I think I should just getup and write, but I’m a bit worn out … kind of like a brick layeror someone on an assembly line or a waitress who has spent years onher feet. The body just gets tired. And for a writer, even the braingets tired.

       Thankgoodness, I still have lots of energy … but not the energy I had“back in the day.” That doesn’t mean I’m not writing, becauseI am,and I intend to keep doing so for however many years I have left onthis earth. I just don’t turn out a book every 4-6 months like Iused to. So, please hang in there with me because I still lovewriting and love my characters and love all of you readers forsticking with me and supporting my writing.

       Meantime,here I am wide awake. I am printing out the first 4 chapters to IF ILOVED YOU, which I have edited over and over. After all the books Ihave written, somehow I have been doubting myself and feel like Ijust can’t get this story right. But, as I have done before, Idecided I had better just keep going. The stories usually always workout, and by the time I finish, I already know how to handle thebeginning. But I will save an explanation for how I come up with mystories for another blog.

       Ihope you are enjoying the summer!