For a truly English Christmas, you need the following:


* A Terry's Chocolate Orange each


* A bottle of sherry, and a pan of mulled wine


* A box of crackers with terrible jokes and party hats


* The Coronation Street/Eastenders Christmas special, which has to feature a deeply unseasonal family disaster and a surprise birth (to reflect ironically on the time of the year, this should take place in a garage or in the pub loo, or similar)


* A Christmas pudding, with custard AND cream AND brandy butter * Most of your relatives


* A sofa


* mince pies


 


This year, I'm hosting Christmas in my new house. There are so many boxes still unpacked that I'm hoping Santa doesn't take one look at my study and think some freelance Santa has already made a delivery. I don't have a tree either, on account of the six-month-old basset hound puppy roaming around - not sure I could get adequate contents insurance for the damage he could do with a small fir tree and a kilometer of tinsel. So, to jolly the Yuletide atmos along chez Browne, I spent one afternoon this week making my own mince pies, and the result was such a warm glow of festive bonhomie that I'd love to share it with you now. Hope it works out!


 


First, make your mincemeat (Don’t worry, no actual minced meat is involved. This, like much English cuisine, tastes a lot nicer than it sounds)


Ingredients:


1 cup Bramley, or any cooking apples, cored and chopped small ½ cup of Atora vegetable suet (or any vegetable shortening, chopped into small pieces)


¾ cup raisins


½ cup sultanas


½ cup currants


½ mixed candied citrus peel (or, if you can’t find any, substitute glace cherries or dried cranberries)


¾ cup dark brown sugar


¼ cup almonds, cut into slivers


juice and zest of 1 orange


juice and zest of 1 lemon


2 teaspoons mixed spice


1/2 teaspoon cinnamon


pinch of fresh ground nutmeg


generous shot of brandy, or sherry


 


All you have to do is to combine everything except the brandy in a big bowl, and then cover it for 12 hours or overnight, to let the fruity, spicy flavours develop. Then sterilize a quart preserving jar, put the mixture in a cool oven (225 degrees F) for three hours, so the vegetable suet melts over the fruit and the apples cook down into a delicious sticky mass. When it’s cooled, stir in the brandy, seal up the jar, and store for at least a week. To make the mince pies, whip up (or buy a packet of) some shortcrust pastry – rub ¼ cup of shortening, and ¼ cup butter into 1 cup all-purpose flour, slowly add fresh orange juice by the dessertspoonful until it comes together into a dough, then knead till smooth. Leave to rest for 30 minutes, while you preheat the oven to 200 degrees F and grease a shallow muffin tin. Then roll out the pastry thinly and cut 12 circles and 12 star shapes to go on top as ‘lids’. Press the pastry circles into the tins, add one teaspoon of mincemeat (don’t overload!), then top with the pastry star. Brush with a beaten egg, if you like a shiny finish. Bake for 20-25 minutes, by which time the filling mincemeat will be bubbling. Ease the pies out of the tin, and cool on wire racks, then sprinkle with icing sugar.


 


My mother in law swears by using flaky puff pastry, and adding half a teaspoon of cream cheese on top of the mincemeat. My own mother swears by buying them from Marks & Spencer and doctoring them with brandy. I like to keep an open mind by taste-testing all options. Don’t forget to leave two mince pies and a glass of sherry out for Santa Claus!


 


Get more on Hester Browne at SimonandSchuster.com