So it's Father's Day, yay. I hate this "holiday" just as much, if not more, than I do Christmas, Valentine's Day or any other holiday. In fact, if you know me fairly well, I hate any manufactured day wherein people act like it's the greatest day ever.

I lost my chance at being a day-to-day father in 2006. Some of it was my fault, sure, but at the same time, I loved being a father. I may not have been a great husband, but, damn it, I was a great father.

I don't hate her anymore for what happened, I hate her for taking my son out of my day-to-day life. I've missed so much and I can't even begin to put into words how seeing a dude with his kid at the mall nearly makes me break down. How I want to punch the wall for being such a shitty husband that I lost the chance at being a real father to my kid. I miss the hell out of him each and every day and I never stop thinking about not being able to take him to baseball, basketball, or soccer practice. Not being able to just hang with him and do dad/son stuff like we do when I do get to have him for a few precious days or weeks.

I'm not saying she keeps him from me, not the in the least, and she's a great mom, the best to him, but one of these parents is missing out on watching him grow up and I don't think she really gets how I feel about it.

How deeply it affects me to realize how it affects me, as a man, not being able to be a father like I always thought I'd be. I miss being a dad, I really do.

This isn't a pity party or meant to be a downer, but just consider that there are some of us out there that loath these types of holidays, for the reasons I mentioned above, to those that may not have had a great father growing up and they don't want to be reminded about how shitty that was. Etc ETC

So, if I nearly bite your head off today if you mention father's day, well, now you know why.