I love saying yes to opportunities. It’s led me to meet fantastic people and to grow in my career in WritingWorldLand. I became a published author because I said yes. I became a manuscript editor because I said yes. I became an award-winning anthology editor because I said yes. I’ve been a guest lecturer at Trent University several times because I said yes. I got on cool podcasts, panels, radio shows, and TV because I said yes. “Yes” can be a gateway to awesomeness.

However, in this past year, I omitted something vital—to balance my life by saying no. As a result, my mental health is torched, and my physical health isn’t great either. I completely forgot the thing about how I am autistic, mentally ill, and manage a dynamic disability. (In case folks aren’t aware, a dynamic disability is one that’s unpredictable. Zero stars. Do not recommend.)

Instead of saying yes in a healthy way, as in, “Oh, that sounds fun, and I have the spoons to do it,” I was trying to medicate with busyness so I could shut out the stresses in my life. That’s very different and untenable for someone with the type of bodymind I have. All of the things I chose to do in themselves were amazing. It’s just that they were too many all at once. Without realizing it, I was harming myself slowly but surely until CRASH!

Is it internalized ableism when you keep forgetting to factor in the impact stuff has on your disabled bodymind? Maybe? It’s definitely not remembering to put the NOPE guardians in place.

While managing burnout, I bought some whiteboard wallpaper for my closet door in my office. Then I wrote down all of the things I’d committed to—and almost fainted. No wonder my brain felt crispy and my body weakened. Cait! You’re always advocating for others and you totally neglected yourself!!!

Because I would like to remain on Earth until I am crypt-keeper years old, I had to make some tough decisions. I had to wave my white flag and surrender to reality. My BFF Talia sent me an image of a hand-drawn card someone made that was like a buy-ten-coffees-get-one-free card, but for saying no. So, I took the idea for myself and thought my reward for ten “NOs” would be a cupcake. Kinda taking it seriously but not really.

Within less than two days, I had to say no to four things. It’s only been a few weeks, and I’ve said no to eight things total. Holy crap. I mean, I love how I am presented with fantastic opportunities, but if I had balanced things earlier in the year, I could have had some leftover yes responses for now.

Upon reflection, even by saying no to whatever else I’m presented with this year, I will still have had a year where I did a ton! But I must keep my eyes on that full whiteboard and my finger on my own pulse, so I can recover and get back to being able to dole out a reasonable amount of yesses. Creating a yes-budget, if you will.

But the good news is that when I have said no recently, I requested to be considered for future projects, if the timing was right. And many folks were quite receptive to that. So, sometimes a “no” can be framed as a “not now, but maybe someday.” I already know a couple of things I would love to do in 2026, so it’s going to be important to have that yes-budget in place.

Another thing that was heartening was how many people told me to take care of myself and that my health was the most important thing right now. Those weren’t empty platitudes either. I felt the sincerity. It’s really nice to know how many wonderful folks there still are in this world. Kindness is worth more than gold these days, in my opinion. And I will recall the people who have been kind to me. They’ll go on my Awesome Humans list for future reference.

So, I wanted to share this in case you might be wondering if you have also exhausted your yes-budget and feel guilty about saying no. I think it was novelist Anne Lamont or someone else who is wiser than I who said, “No is a complete sentence.” Did you know we can just say no without having to come up with “an acceptable explanation” for others? Even by saying, “This sounds great and I would love to, but I can’t fit it in right now,” is a longer “no,” but it’s also true in my case. Anyway, however you phrase your no is up to you. Just please try and not feel guilty or give into the fear of missing out. Trust me, opportunities will happen. And you’ll have a better time saying yes to the things that you really want to do if you’re rested.

Because I’m guessing that other than becoming a mischievous ghost, I can do way more if I’m still alive. Let’s all decide to be good stewards of ourselves, okay?

And thank you to whoever came up with the No card. It’s really put things into perspective for me.

Two more no-checkmarks and I get a cupcake! Woo!

Cait Gordon is an award-winning Canadian speculative fiction writer and anthology editor who advocates for disability, mental health, and neurodiversity representation in written works. She is the author of Season One: Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space! and the co-editor (with Talia C. Johnson) of the Nothing Without Us and Nothing Without Us Too disability fiction anthologies. Cait is also the host of The Disabled Crone podcast. She is autistic, disabled, and queer, and really loves cake.