My passivity. Every story I recount is in the passive voice, W. says. – ‘You're never the agent in your anecdotes. You're always acted upon, never acting.'

Of course, I always tell him I tell my stories in the middle voice, which is neither active nor passive, which has neither a subject nor an object. I would never say, I shat myself, W. says. There was a soiling, I’d tell him. There's been a faecal emergency, I’d tell him.