GIMME THEM OLD-TIME MONSTERS
THERE WAS NOTHING FUN about Rubie's Fun House; a novelty store run by a dour old gentleman named Rubie, who made his living selling plastic dog crap, Whoopee Cushions and shitty, rubber fright masks whose glued-on cotton hair fell off the minute you got 'em home.
No. There was nothing "fun" about poor ol' Rubie -- a man who believed his fortune lie in peddling inflatable, rubber fart-simulators to the kids in my Queens, NY neighborhood. I tell you this not to dishonor the man or his "Fun House" -- but rather because they play an integral role in my story.
Each year on my birthday, my mother would force my sister to accompany me to Rubie's where I'd purchase a brand-new Creature from the Black Lagoon Mani-Yak. "Mani-Yaks" were iron-on T-shirt transfers sold during the '60s featuring images of the old Universal monsters: Frankenstein, Dracula, Mummy . . . Each kid in my old 88th Street crew proudly sported their very own adopted, iron-on monster -- one that somehow spoke to them. Donald Isaksen was "The Mummy." Frankie Cesare "Dracula." Freddy Klatz "Frankenstein." Little Pat Mugnano "The Wolfman." (We once sent him crying home to his mom, after suggesting his Mani-Yak more closely resembled Bob Weir.) And I . . . I was "The Creature from the Black Lagoon."
Though I couldn't swim and refused to eat fish, there was something about the "Gillman" that resonated with me. Perhaps it was because he was the last of his kind. A freak. An anomaly. Or maybe it was because he abducted screaming, bikini-clad vixens -- terrorizing them in his secret lagoon-lair. (Indeed . . . we were both hopeless romantics.)
I have a confession to make. For all my youthful adoration of Monsterdom's legendary Man-Fish, I never actually saw any of the three Creature flicks. When I was 8-years-old, after months of scouring the TV Guide movie listings, I spotted a Saturday, 2:30 am showing of "The Creature Walks Among Us" on the Late, Late Show. Though I'd never been up past midnight, I was determined to see my scaly idol in his 3rd and final feature. Camping out on the living room sofa, I dozed off midway through Johnny Carson -- opening my eyes just in time to see a bullet-riddled Gillman stumble off toward the ocean to die (as the closing credits rolled). I'd slept through the entire movie!
Wasn't until many years later, with the advent of the VCR, that I was finally able to view the Gillman in all his glory. That's why I'm tickled-to-death Las Vegas has recently added three new TV channels: "Me (Memorable Entertainment) TV," "This" and "Antenna TV" -- almost exclusively offering old sci-fi and monster flicks, along with classic TV dramas and sitcoms -- vintage manna for my overly-nostalgic, Baby Boomer soul. I was beside myself to find an 11 am showing of "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" just the other day (I was so excited, I slept 'til 2 pm).
No. There was nothing "fun" about poor ol' Rubie -- a man who believed his fortune lie in peddling inflatable, rubber fart-simulators to the kids in my Queens, NY neighborhood. I tell you this not to dishonor the man or his "Fun House" -- but rather because they play an integral role in my story.
Each year on my birthday, my mother would force my sister to accompany me to Rubie's where I'd purchase a brand-new Creature from the Black Lagoon Mani-Yak. "Mani-Yaks" were iron-on T-shirt transfers sold during the '60s featuring images of the old Universal monsters: Frankenstein, Dracula, Mummy . . . Each kid in my old 88th Street crew proudly sported their very own adopted, iron-on monster -- one that somehow spoke to them. Donald Isaksen was "The Mummy." Frankie Cesare "Dracula." Freddy Klatz "Frankenstein." Little Pat Mugnano "The Wolfman." (We once sent him crying home to his mom, after suggesting his Mani-Yak more closely resembled Bob Weir.) And I . . . I was "The Creature from the Black Lagoon."
Though I couldn't swim and refused to eat fish, there was something about the "Gillman" that resonated with me. Perhaps it was because he was the last of his kind. A freak. An anomaly. Or maybe it was because he abducted screaming, bikini-clad vixens -- terrorizing them in his secret lagoon-lair. (Indeed . . . we were both hopeless romantics.)
I have a confession to make. For all my youthful adoration of Monsterdom's legendary Man-Fish, I never actually saw any of the three Creature flicks. When I was 8-years-old, after months of scouring the TV Guide movie listings, I spotted a Saturday, 2:30 am showing of "The Creature Walks Among Us" on the Late, Late Show. Though I'd never been up past midnight, I was determined to see my scaly idol in his 3rd and final feature. Camping out on the living room sofa, I dozed off midway through Johnny Carson -- opening my eyes just in time to see a bullet-riddled Gillman stumble off toward the ocean to die (as the closing credits rolled). I'd slept through the entire movie!
Wasn't until many years later, with the advent of the VCR, that I was finally able to view the Gillman in all his glory. That's why I'm tickled-to-death Las Vegas has recently added three new TV channels: "Me (Memorable Entertainment) TV," "This" and "Antenna TV" -- almost exclusively offering old sci-fi and monster flicks, along with classic TV dramas and sitcoms -- vintage manna for my overly-nostalgic, Baby Boomer soul. I was beside myself to find an 11 am showing of "The Creature from the Black Lagoon" just the other day (I was so excited, I slept 'til 2 pm).
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