I’ve been in San Diego this week for military stuff so I haven’t gotten a whole lot done. I’ve been working on what I can.

But I started thinking this week about how I’m perceived. I said before, my friends see me as the Oscar the Grouch of the bunch, and while that may be an accurate depiction (besides the fact that I don’t hang out in trash cans) that’s not who I want to be. I’ve come to realize that people also don’t see me as the person who gets things done. And that’s not cool for me.

So I revamped my goals, put a lot of thought into how I can them done and what they mean for me if I do get them done. After all, I have this year long goal of completely changing my life around. I can’t afford to take it slow. I have to get it all done. And I can’t be mediocre as I’ve been my entire life. I have to be spectacular… or at the very least, I have to be someone who gets things done.

I have a list of five authors. Some are well established authors. Some are new this year authors. But the thing that all these authors have in common are they are someone I aspire to be like. From the author that sold six books in one year to the one who consistently sells 2-3 every year for the past seven… They all have this certain quality I want to have.

I have a hard time sharing my goals with people, which is why this 365 To Life thing is so monumental for me. I don’t share. I’m not affectionate. I’m angry all the time. I hide everything from everyone. I have horrible mood swings.

But here I am forcing myself to share my life and my thoughts and feelings with you guys. This is stuff that half the time, my family doesn’t even hear about.

I hate getting that “Are you sure about this?” question from people. Because it’s their way of saying, “Hon, you can’t handle that. You need to back off a little.” I know it’s because they care, and I’m glad that they do.

I have a lot going on, and a lot of stress. But that’s why I’m doing this, and that’s why I’m pushing myself so hard. Because flailing about because I’m stressed won’t stop the stress. It won’t make me a better income, and it won’t make me a better writer. I have to do that.

Me.

So I’m glad that I have the support system I do. I could not have survived this long without them, because I was broken. I am broken. But they can’t make me better. Only I can do that.