Lauren Conrad, of The Hills fame, is reading Craig Clevenger's The Contortionist's Handbook. Let me repeat…no, just read that sentence again; this is text, not audio, you lazy bastard.

What does this mean to those of us who have long been in the know about Clevenger's amazing writing? The optimist in me says, "great, maybe good literature will catch on to the reality TV addicted masses." The pessimist in me, one admittedly self-interested, says, "there goes my dirty little hipster secret."

This...