Photo by junio via Creative Commons

Around 1999, Qwest created a wonderful commercial in which a sweaty, haggard businessman wanders into Roy’s, the iconic motel off Route 66 in Amboy, California. So here he is in the brain-melting heat of the Mojave Desert and he asks what kind of in-room entertainment they have. The pretty, bored desk agent says, “All rooms have every movie ever made in every language. Day or night.” And the guy says incredulously, “How is that possible?”

Well, this commercial was all about bandwidth, not content. But it was a great vision nevertheless. Every movie ever made? Any time you want? That’s what I want, people! Only I don’t want to rely on hard-to-find Blu-ray discs or crappy cable companies with their overpriced “packages” that allow me to watch ‘Man of the House’ as much as I want but won’t show the latest movies or, God forbid, foreign fare.

More specifically, I want to sit in front of my ginormous flat screen TV and watch a fully restored print of Federico Fellini’s ‘8 1/2’ dubbed into English. That’s right, English. And guess what. I’m willing to pay for the privilege. Oh, and while we’re at it, I also want the option of doing this on any device that can play video—whether I am at home or on the road. Now, that’s a vision.

The Problem with Subtitles

Let me tell you about ‘8 1/2’ and why I prefer the English version. This film has probably been written about more than any other and for good reason. It’s a masterpiece. Which is surprising when compared to the logline on IMDB: A harried movie director retreats into his memories and fantasies. How about this for ‘The Godfather’? A powerful, soft-spoken businessman tries to balance work and family life.

Released in 1963, ‘8 1/2’ won two Academy Awards for Best Foreign Language Film and Best Costume Design. It’s funny, modern and completely mesmerizing—in my opinion the best comedy ever made about the creative process.

At the time ‘8 1/2’ was made, many Italian films were shot using a wild track and had to be dubbed later. Some of these films featured international casts and each actor delivered their lines in their native language. Can you imagine what it was like to be on that set? Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns are a great example. In Fellini’s case, this allowed him to go back and rewrite the dialogue.

If I spoke fluent Italian I would have been perfectly content with the Criterion Collection’s beautifully restored version. But I don’t and I dislike subtitles. Speaking of subtitles, have you ever noticed that in Italian movies the actors make these impassioned page-long speeches and the subtitle reads something like, “No thanks, I already ate”?

Years ago I watched the English version of ‘8 1/2’ on public television. I read somewhere that Fellini had come to New York to personally direct the actors. Whether this is true or not, the result is outstanding. The dialogue is crazy, funny and fresh. And the actors were absolutely inspired.

The Big Content Library in the Sky

Getting back to the problem, why can’t I just turn on my screen of choice—credit card in hand—and watch this movie? I’m not even asking to own it. To be fair, some of the pieces are actually in place. Today I can stream movies from Netflix using an iPad or Xbox 360 or Roku, or any number of other devices. But I cannot do any of this easily and intuitively without cobbling together a patchwork of HDMI cables and power cords. And I most certainly can’t find every movie ever made. Where is the big content library in the sky? Ask the lawyers. Seriously.

When will this vision become reality? Probably never as far as content is concerned for a number of reasons. There are licensing considerations, music clearances, copyright issues, movies that haven’t been converted to digital, shrunken and rotting in aging film vaults, etc. As for technology, it certainly will get better. But it can’t be a kludge of devices and services. I shouldn’t have to care where the content comes from. Just deliver it to me and let me pay. Please, let me pay!

In the meantime I suppose I could book a room in Amboy and hope for the best. I sure hope I get Starwood points though. Oh, yeah, here’s the commercial:

Related articles

Fellini’s Fantastic TV Commercials (openculture.com)
Movie culture: The Dead, the Deader and the Deadest (blogs.suntimes.com)
What was Steve Jobs’s vision for the future of TV? (techhive.com)


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