SAVING KATE
--A pean for downtown LA--
By Jesse RHINES, Ph. D., 2011

A small dog, HERO, lopes downtown Los Angeles sniffing a paint pan used on welcome murals for newlyweds, Prince Will and Princess “Kate” Catherine. “Hey, get that dog out of here,” someone yells. “He’ll get hair in the paint.” Hero gets some red paint on his nose before he’s shooed away. “Here doggie, come here doggie,” a painter beckons, “so I can wipe your nose.” She bends with a hankie but falls flat when Hero jerks from a stark standstill to between her legs. “Ufff!” she cries. Co-workers’ laugh, “Smart dog. He timed that dash just right.”

Shabby, Homeless Tim balls up the headline, “Wills and Kate Land Today!” as Hero coughs sniffing Tim’s black-crusted feet. Then, “But wait, hmmm, this may be just the thing,” Tim muses as Hero sneaks behind him and chomps the sandwich. “Hey, give that back!” Tim grabs most but Hero swallows a mouthful and runs.

Rudely awakened next windy morn, Hero opens one eye as a modest car arrives at Grand Central Market. Princess Catherine, accompanied by two bodyguards, emerges saying, “My, I didn’t expect such a wind.” She reaches up to feel her hat blow down the street. Instantly, Hero chases it with one guard in tow. Hero times it perfectly and jumps high in the air to snatch the hat long before it can touch the ground. He trots back toward the hat’s owner but the guard blocks his path crooning, “Here doggie, I’ll take that.” Hero turns to the left. The guard turns blocking Hero’s path again so Hero jerks right but is blocked now by the other guard. Finally, Hero zigzags between them both so that the guards ram each other and both fall to the ground. Hero jumps over them and prances up to a stooping Kate whom he allows to take the hat from his mouth.

Kate hugs and pets Hero who licks her face. She says, “You are indeed a very smart and wily dog and you are my hero second only to my husband.” Ogling the red paint still on his face she says, “Hmmm, I think you’ve mussed your lipstick. Let’s have that off now.” She gently nips the offended hairs.

Brushing their suites the guards return begging forgiveness as a crowd forms. Kate’s been recognized. Kate rises and says to Hero, “You wait here and I’ll have an appropriate prize for you when I return.” Hero licks his chops, walks beside Kate until at the market entry he walks thrice a tiny circle then flops down to resume his siesta. Kate and her guards giggle at Hero’s antics.

To be continued...