God has taught me a valuable lesson tonight. I just wish I’d learned it years ago!

As some of you know, the last 12 months or so have been the worst of my life. I agonized for the last 3 months over the decision of whether or not to beg friends, family, and fans to believe in me and my books enough to back a Psalm 23 Mysteries Kickstarter. I finally launched the Kickstarter 1 week ago because I felt that I had no choice, that my back was to the wall and there was nothing else in my power to do. As it stands, there is no earthly way that it will be successful. It would truly take an act of God. I do want to deeply thank everyone who has backed it and promised to back it. Your support means more to me than you could ever know.

For the last 3 months I’ve also been struggling with feeling like maybe it was time to stop writing books altogether. I’m tired beyond words and I’ve received some very harsh criticism of my work in the last year from multiple sources. This is a very hard business to survive and weather both emotionally and financially. There was one other time in my career where things were this bleak. I was told a few years ago that due to shifting forces in the marketplace that unless I was willing to write edgy books about young teens having sex that I wasn’t welcome in the industry. I refused because I didn’t believe it was right. Fortunately a boom in YA paranormal books caused another shift in the industry that allowed me to work again. Looking around today, though, it’s hard not to feel like all anyone wants to read are books like Fifty Shades of Grey. I can’t write that kind of book, and I won’t.

The despair that I’ve been feeling all week has been almost more than I could take. Many of you know that I’ve also decided to step out in faith and speak about spiritual warfare, something I feel strongly that God has called me to do. For a couple of years now Satan has been throwing everything he has at me. I know I’m living through a time of Job and I had reached the point where I was metaphorically sitting in the ashes of my life weeping because that was all I had left in me. A couple of wonderful fans realized how much pain I was in and spoke words of comfort to me which I can never repay them for.

Then, less than an hour before I sat down to write this, I was given a moment of clarity by God. He told me I have to let go of the stress, let go of the fear, and let go of my own hopes and plans for these books and others. If He wills this series to go forward, it will happen. If He doesn’t, no amount of begging, pleading, posting on Facebook, or anxiously checking the status of this Kickstarter will change the outcome one bit.

So, the lesson I’ve learned – All the odds can be against you, but you can’t let that steal your joy. God is bigger than the odds and sometimes we just have to step back and let Him do whatever He’s going to do.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with the Kickstarter, or the proposals I have out there being read by different editors, or if I’m even still supposed to be in this business, but it’s time for me to stop worrying about it and let God do whatever it is He’s doing.

Thanks for listening, everyone.