What is it with men and bottoms? They can spend hours ogling them on the beach, moving beneath your skirt as you stride down the street, when you bend to retrieve something dropped by chance (or not). Why do we wear tight skirts if we don’t want our bottoms stared at, admired, lusted over? Why, to get to the bottom of the subject, do men like spanking bottoms? And why do women, well, quite a lot of women, not to mention any names, rather enjoy being spanked?

So many questions. So much research. Pert bottoms are like pert breasts and breast-fed men spend their lives trying to return to the teat and climb back into the womb. They are nurtured by a woman – their mum – and become addicted to the milky bouquet of the female aroma, the mysterious perfumes of the feminine sex. Stone Age man used to beat his woman with a club, an early form of foreplay. Man’s role (he says) is to dominate the female. A good spanking is the contemporary equivalent of these primitive rituals.

Girls’ bottoms are playful, provocative, round as new planets floating in space and, not to get too medical or evolutionary, the plumpness of a young bum signifies a woman of child-bearing age, the ability to produce the fertile nectar estrogen – or oestrogen; so vital they gave it two spellings instead of one.  

I assume the missionary position started with the invention of missionaries. Before then, in jungles and caves, on moon-washed beaches, they almost certainly joined in doggy fashion with its auxiliary benefits: you cede all sense of control, make monkey faces as you howl, revel in deeper penetration and provide your contemporary cave man with two bull’s eyes to aim at rather than one.

Men are programmed to adore bums. It’s a primal compulsion. Practically divine. With their big hands and hairy bodies, what those alpha males subliminally crave is babies so they can brand their progeny with their name and continue the species. Our role, aside from carrying their babies, is to bend over and wiggle.  

So why the spanking? And what’s in it for us? Well, quite a lot, actually. The female derriere is situated just a tongue’s length from that unfathomable little Gräfenberg Spot – the G-spot, located, according to Wikipedia, ‘about three inches up the front vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra’ – more, frankly, than we need to know. Spanking until the bottom glows with a rosy blush sends ribbons of sensation to the G-spot and bathes the erogenous zones in warm rapturous waves.  Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same golden coin and in the hands of a good spanker the sting dissolves into bliss and erupts in sheer ecstasy.

Now, for the benefit of further research, do leave a comment below – and if you’d like to add you email address for my (infrequent) updates, you can download the very sexy Flight 69 – for FREE.

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