To get yez all into the mood for Christmas, I figgered ye might fancy a wee fireside tale, eh? It'll be up till Christmas Eve, like, so you get yerself some eggnog, me scamps and scrags, me scallywags and scofflaws, cosy down with yer crib-mates, and hark to me fabble.

It'll warm the cockles of yer heart, says I, sure it will, or me name ain't Gobfabbler Halyard-Dunkling, Esquire!