Several years ago, I found myself surrounded by people who really weren’t nice, especially to me. Now, I know some of you have spent your entire lives in that sort of environment, and I am so sorry for that. But this was fairly new territory for me.

I’ve led a charmed life, I suppose. I can’t say everyone I’ve ever met was polite, caring, and treated me like a princess. That would be a ridiculous claim. But it’s been very rare that people were out-and-out mean.

I think I have a natural defense against mean people that steers me away from them before I come in contact. I know mean, horrible people are plentiful from stories other people tell me. But my experience is limited.

Which is why this particular situation knocked me on my ass. I probably looked like a kicked puppy. First there was the younger of the pair, telling me lies which were followed by condescending comments, then outright insults.

I was crushed.

Later the other horrible person topped it all off with a sneer and the admonishment that I needed to “toughen up.”

For the record, I wasn’t sitting there with a box of tissues bawling like a baby. I was just hurt, and I said so, mostly because I was baffled by the first person’s behavior.

You may be wondering why I’m telling you this story out of the blue like this. It happened years ago, but it still comes back to me at odd moments, that advice to toughen up. It hit me again a few days ago, and I felt like someone tapped me on the shoulder and told me to talk to you about this. Maybe one of you needs to hear what I have to say, especially now, during the holidays. Sometimes family can be the meanest people we know.

So, yeah. She told me I need to toughen up.

Screw that. I don’t need to toughen up. I am tough. Tough enough not to hurt people back when they’re horrible to me. I’m tough enough to keep from closing off my emotions to avoid feeling anything. This many years removed from the situation, I can say I’m tough enough to walk away from an unhappy life and start a brand new one that holds everything I ever wanted and everything I ever deserved. That’s being tough.

Not feeling hurt when someone is mean to you doesn’t necessarily make you tough.

When someone hurts your feelings–and I mean on purpose because they’re horrible people who want to hurt you, not because they’re insensitive or mean well–do you know why your feelings are hurt?

It’s not because you allowed it or because they played on your insecurities or made you realize something terrible about yourself you didn’t know.

Your feelings are hurt because you expected better out of that person. You opened up for love and got walloped with spite. Even if it’s a stranger who hurt your feelings, it hurts because you expect people to be better than that.

And that’s not a bad thing.

I believe in the inherent goodness of people. Most people, anyway. I will gladly choose a temporary dose of hurt feelings on the odd occasion over living a life of cynicism and doubt every day.

Following that terrible woman’s advice would change who I am inside. I’m just fine, thank you. I’m as tough as I need to be.

Are you?