This is all I could say after…well, let me give you the setup first. It’s New Year’s Eve and being that Honey and I had a boat-load of company over December we decided to do a quiet and romantic celebration. Just the two of us. We had a phenomenal dinner, listened to music and talked about our goals for 2014. Nice, right?

So there we were chilling in the living room when I noticed the time. Three minutes to midnight and my first thought is, Holy crap! We’re going to miss the ball dropping!

I push up to a sitting position – yeah, we were snuggling- and tell him we have to go to the family room and turn on the TV. That’s when he opens one eye and says, “Sh…sh. You’re harshing my mellow.”

His what? I was halfway into a stand when I plunked my butt back down on the couch and kind of chuckled. “Excuse me?”

Both his eyes opened. “Haven’t you ever heard that saying before?”

“No.” And the way he said this folks? It was as if this turn-of-phrase was right up there with the “To be or not to be.”

While I’m left mulling that over he pulled me down for a hug and said, “I’m surprised. You being an author and all you wouldn’t know this.”

There I am, frowning as I stare at his neck. Going through all my mental files. Nope. There is no “harshing my mellow” in there. This is when I start to justify why I wouldn’t have heard this phrase before. It’s probably something he’d heard on the discovery channel, or in one of his boring documentaries. Maybe one about hippies in the seventies. Wood Stock. Valley girls? Who the hell knows. All I knew at the moment was that this didn’t sound like anything that I’d ever care to say. “Harshing my mellow?” ridiculous.  And come to think of it? For as long as I’ve been with the guy I’ve never heard him utter this “famous” phrase either. Hmmm…

“I give. Where’s it from?”

“From one of the most important minds of the second millennium.”

Again, I’m going through the mental list. I got as far as number five on my list of greats and gave up. There was no way Steven Hawkins or Martin Luther said that. “Are you going to tell me?”

“Pauly Shore.”

“Excuse me?”

“Relax dude, and happy New Year.”

I caught sight of the time. “Aw man! We missed the ball drop, dude.” I threw back at him and then it occurred to me. “You watched Encino Man today, didn’t you?”

“Why be so informal when you can call me His Royal Dudeness?”

I cringe. “And The Big Lebowski?”

“Yeah, I took your suggestion to heart and decided to wean myself off the documentaries.”

Great. Me and my big mouth.

I don’t know what you guys are looking at for 2014, but I know what barrel I’ll be staring down. It’s called the tunnel of hell. Filled with man-loving quotes from woman-hated movies. I’d rather hear about a koala’s sex life than be treated to:

“I’ll be back.”

“I have had it with these motherf*ckin’ snakes on this motherf*ckin’ plane!”

“I ain’t got time to bleed.”

“Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and F*ck the prom queen.”

“Sometimes you have to say, ‘What the f*ck!’ Make your move!”

“Say hello to my little friend.”

“Yippy-ki-yay mother-f*cka.”

“You can’t handle the truth.”

*Le sigh* My head is spinning with the depressing possibilities.

Happy Freaking New Year to me! Not.

Riley who added another resolution to her list. LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE! Did I show you what I got Honey for Xmas? No?

Yeah, that. I’m so screwed…